


望江北 · River

by fefedove



Series: Yizhan Translations [6]
Category: Chinese Actor RPF, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Drowning, Drug Use, Fights, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 58,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28020231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fefedove/pseuds/fefedove
Summary: Xiao Zhan promises his parents not to cause more trouble in his last year of high school. Then he meets Wang Yibo.
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan | Sean
Series: Yizhan Translations [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619332
Comments: 187
Kudos: 287





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [River](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/724875) by mylover013. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic goes from their high school years to their late 20s. they're the same age!
> 
> make sure to read all the warnings! the first 10ish chapters are your typical schoolyard romance. after that, if you start getting uncomfortable, pls stop reading.

The rain is crazy on the first day of school. The campus is filled with all types of umbrellas and it’s hard to distinguish between people talking and the sound of rain.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t know who stabbed his face with an umbrella. He shoves it aside in annoyance and climbs up more than 20 flights of stairs with his suitcase.

His dorm room is at the very top. Going back to sleep is like climbing a mountain.

The weather has been hot for months, but it just _has_ to rain on the first day of school. The vulgar words scrawled onto the rooming list on the public announcement board with markers are all washed away by the rain too.

Xiao Zhan’s back is wet; he’s never been able to take the heat. The dorm room before him is still closed. As soon as he pushes it open, the mugginess pours out. He’s lived here for two years and thought that he could finally be free this year, but god just loves to make his life miserable.

Before he can enter with his suitcase, someone taps his back.

“Your umbrella.”

He turns. The person pushes his black umbrella before him. Water drips down along the handle. The hand holding the umbrella is offensively pale, but the fingertips are pink.

Xiao Zhan accepts the umbrella. Before he can say thanks, the person who gave him the umbrella goes around him and enters the room. He just watches the boy grab a towel to dry his hair, kick off his shoes, and climb up to his bed.

That’s the top of Xiao Zhan’s bunk bed, as well as his upper bunk for the previous two years. It’s the only place in the entire dorm room that can catch some sunlight.

Xiao Zhan spills his stuff on the bed and looks up. The person on the upper bunk has his back to him. It’s hard to tell if he’s sleeping. Him organizing his stuff is the only noise in the room. Even the boy’s breathing is covered.

A while later, someone else comes into the room, carrying pink blankets just bought from the school shop. When he sees Xiao Zhan, he laughs dumbly and tosses the blankets onto the upper bunk beside him, next to the sleeping boy.

Like him, there are thousands of others with the same name—Wang Shuangxi. With an accent, he tells Xiao Zhan to call him Xizi.

Xizi climbs to the top and softly calls to the sleeping person. Xiao Zhan is making his bed with his head lowered, but he hears Xizi call him _Wang Yibo_.

“Let’s go. They’re done unpacking,” Xizi is saying.

Wang Yibo sits up in bed without responding to Xizi. He has an unfriendly expression, furrowing his brow and staring blankly. Xiao Zhan raises his head and they face each other. Neither says anything; they just stare like that. The strange staring contest doesn’t end until Xizi jumps off his bed and calls for Wang Yibo to hurry up.

Xiao Zhan is the only one left in the room again. He stands at the window, looking at the rain outside. There’s a road behind the old dorm building. The dark red patch on the lock of the metal gates is either rust or bloodstains—it’s been around for so long, but it just won’t wash away.

This school is famous in the city for being good and also for being messy. The advanced class has a 100% graduation rate while it’s normal for only four or five students in the regular classes to go on to a 2nd-tier university. There’s a technical college across from them. The gangsters there and the gangsters here squat and drink together one day, and beat each other up the next. Despite all this, countless parents do everything they can and dig out tens of thousands of bribe money to have their kids attend this school. If they try a bit harder and get their kid into the advanced class, then everything is set for them in life.

There are a lot of parents yelling outside the principal’s office today. Instead of yelling to get their kid in, they’re protesting to get people out.

The old campus in the county was merged with their school. That old school has been around for decades and was next to a chicken farm in the county. A little more than ten years ago, they built a new campus in the city and transferred most of the teachers over. The new campus gradually improved while the old campus gradually got worse. A few years ago, they were licensed to construct some new buildings, so this year, the students at the old campus were brought over—only 2-300 students. They’re tossed into the old three-floored teaching building, right next to the elite class that Xiao Zhan just tested into.

Many parents aren’t happy about them coming. Put bluntly, they’re just biased against those from the county, scared that they’ll be a bad influence for their kids.

Leaning against the railing, Xiao Zhan looks down on the group of jostling parents, wondering if he should go and make a scene too.

The school took the students from both campus and reassigned dorms. One portion would go to the new dorm—six-person-rooms with a balcony and bathroom. The rest would be in the shitty building he’s lived in for two years. The wall covering keeps falling; it was redone during construction over the summer, but the patches make it look like a haunted house.

Since he tested into the elite class, which only the top 30 students of the entire school are qualified for, he thought he’d obviously get assigned to the good dorm. But the school’s rare fairness just had to be used on his dorm arrangements.

Dashu saunters over with a group of people, calling him to go eat together. The teacher standing at the classroom door glares at him and Xiao Zhan, knowing what’s good for him, leaves quickly.

This group has hung out together from elementary to high school. In elementary school, they tugged on girls’ ponytails; in middle school, they pulled on girls’ hands. When high schooler Xiao Zhan saw his girlfriend get harassed, he brought this group of guys to press that asshole against the gate behind their dorm building and smashed his head in. Then his gentle and cute girlfriend actually found him too violent and dumped him.

Xiao Zhan was frustrated for a few days, reflecting on himself whether he really _is_ too violent. Maybe a little. He feels like he’s not willing to fix things that can be resolved with fists. It’s useless.

“Would you believe me if I say this year’ll be messier?” Dashu asks him.

Xiao Zhan hums a response. From afar, he sees Xizi and Wang Yibo standing in the square before the building, and the few people around them. They look like they smell of river water and dirt.

Xiao Zhan sniffs. It’s like he can already smell the fishy odor.

It’s the first day of school and they stay for evening study hall. It’s not raining anymore when they get out of class. Xiao Zhan and Dashu head towards the new dorm building together. Sitting on Dashu’s bed, Xiao Zhan thinks of his bed where he’s already to the wall if he turns around and creaks if he just sits onto it, and he’s so annoyed.

When the homeroom teacher comes to check attendance at night, he tells Xiao Zhan to bear it for now. He’ll be transferred over as soon as someone moves out of the dorm. It happens every year. He won’t have to wait for long.

Xiao Zhan thanks the teacher.

He stays there until lights out. When he leaves and passes by the girls’ dorm building, he sees Wang Yibo and Xizi. There’s also a girl who’s not quite tall. She has a ponytail and, like Wang Yibo, her hair is so black that it’s obvious it’s freshly dyed. She sticks close to Wang Yibo and stands across from Xizi. She’s probably Wang Yibo’s girlfriend.

Pretty bad taste.

When he passes by, the girl suddenly looks up at her. Her eyes are slanted up like triangles. Xiao Zhan looks away, shuddering.

Xizi and Wang Yibo finally come back long after lights out. Someone in the room has already started snoring. Xiao Zhan can’t fall asleep, but the school doesn’t let them have phones, so he can only stare at the flaky wooden boards of his upper bunk.

Wang Yibo creeps in and bends down to get his basin from under the bed. Xiao Zhan sees Wang Yibo’s blurry silhouette in the darkness. Uncomfortable from lying there, he flips around. He hears the basin hit the edge of the bed and suddenly-rapid breathing. A short while later, it fades with the footsteps.

Xiao Zhan laughs inwardly. That guy seems like a scaredy-cat.

Xizi and Wang Yibo are the only two roommates from the county. They’re rarely here when the lights are still on. Sometimes, Xiao Zhan can only hear the sounds of them washing up when the room has quieted down.

Wang Yibo’s movements are always soft, but Xizi is insensitive and always wakes up the people sleeping. Only the fatty in the dorm has a bad temper. Once, he raised his head and started yelling at Xizi; Xizi threw his basin onto the ground to fight back. Wang Yibo bent over, picked up the basin and shoved it into Xizi’s arms, telling him to shut up.

Xiao Zhan just lay in bed and watched. Xizi muttered something while following Wang Yibo out, but he couldn’t understand what was said. They didn’t come back until the fatty was snoring thunderously.

In his sleep, he smells smoke. When he opens his eyes, he sees the silhouette that’s already familiar now. The shadow lifts his legs up high and climbs up the stairs without stepping onto Xiao Zhan’s bed. The rustles quiet down quickly.

That entire week, Xiao Zhan rarely sees Wang Yibo’s face, save for that shadow.

Since they’re in their last year of high school, they have class six days per week. School only lets out after the second afternoon class on Saturdays. Xiao Zhan and his group stand outside the school gates, talking about whatever. There are both girls and guys; it’s just like a necessary activity after the school week ends.

“Someone’s looking at you again,” a girl tells him.

There are a lot of people who like to look at Xiao Zhan. He’s attractive.

Turning around, he sees Wang Yibo immediately, leaning against the thick trunk of the camphor tree by the school gates. He’s laughing with Xizi and the others. The one looking at Xiao Zhan is the girl pressed against Wang Yibo again.

Xiao Zhan is annoyed. That girl’s stare makes him uncomfortable. It seems that he has to have a chat with Wang Yibo next week and have him control his girlfriend’s eyes.

When they finally decide what to do tonight, a white car comes before the tree. It’s like the type of van that transports pork to the supermarket. The group gets into the car, filling it up, probably going past its capacity.

Wang Yibo sits in shotgun. The driver, covered in a hat and mask, pulls Wang Yibo’s ear and messes up his hair. When the car drives past Xiao Zhan, he sees that girl’s face in the open window again. He can’t help but make a face and turn around.

He doesn’t go home until after dinner, but his parents are used to this. Xiao Zhan has given them enough trouble before.

“Your school has a lot of students this year,” his dad says while sitting on the sofa and changing the TV channel. “Stay calm about everything and just study well in the classroom. Don’t run around.”

Xiao Zhan nods. He slings his backpack and heads toward his room, but behind him, his dad reminds him to ask a teacher to reassign his dorm.

“I asked already. You don’t have to worry.”

Xiao Zhan closes his bedroom door and pulls his phone out of the drawer to charge it.

His dad brought this phone back from abroad. It’s really expensive, but he doesn’t have that high of a standard for phones. He just uses it to listen to music, chat, and take some pictures. He likes the pictures taken by this phone.

Logging into QQ, he sees a lot of new friend requests—those from his class, his dorm, and a bunch that he doesn’t know. Swiping around, he joins the dorm’s group chat. Almost everyone in the group has added him, including Xizi. But not Wang Yibo.

Wang Yibo’s profile picture is gray and they spam hundreds of messages in the group, but he hasn’t said a single thing. Xizi says he’s gaming right now and is slamming his mouse because he lost.

A while later, Xiao Zhan’s phone buzzes again. It’s a new friend request. He expects it to be Wang Yibo, but when he opens to see an extremely cringey profile picture. It’s a girl with blonde hair in pigtails, making a duck face. The smokey eyeshadow makes her eyes look even smaller.

He presses “reject” immediately.

Xiao Zhan lay on the bed and closes his eyes. It started raining outside again and the pitter-patter keeps him awake. That girl’s stare appears in his mind again. The room is damp and he can smell it as if moss is crawling over his walls.

This is how old houses are and they’re next to the river too. The wind blows in the fishy odor. He sits up to dry heave.

He has no clue why his parents aren’t willing to move into the new house, insisting on guarding this old building instead. His mom says that it’s closer to his school, but he lives at school, so what’s the point? But his mom always talks emotionally about how she and his father moved from a bad neighborhood to this school neighborhood, how their two broke asses paid off the housing loan and bought a nice little house. Xiao Zhan is so sick of hearing that. Staying close to school for him is just an excuse. They just can’t bear to leave this place.

A place that’s worth recalling with nostalgia… He still doesn’t know where that is.

Xiao Zhan turns on his phone and finds Wang Yibo’s QQ in the group chat. He sends a friend request because they have to talk about Wang Yibo’s girlfriend.

The friend request doesn’t get accepted, so Xiao Zhan tosses the phone aside and falls asleep. When he wakes up, it’s past 10 and Wang Yibo accepted his request. But there’s only an automated message: I am [a string of symbols that he can’t understand]. Xiao Zhan doesn’t say anything. The nauseous feeling is gone after a good night’s sleep, so he can just leave it for later.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day when he took the umbrella from Wang Yibo’s hand was the only time he noticed that this boy’s skin was so pale. Under the moonlight, he seems even more deathly pale. Paired with the open cuts on his face and body, he looks like a ravaged doll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- bingfen: sichuan/chongqing dessert that looks like this https://www.dealmoon.com/guide/946224

There’s no class on Sunday afternoon, so Dashu calls Xiao Zhan to go drink with him. Xiao Zhan knows that it’s with his girlfriend again. Last year when he still had a girlfriend, the four of them did this practically every week. Now that he’s single, it’s no fun to sit there by himself and chew on a straw, acting stupid. He wants to say no, but Dashu starts wailing about how his girlfriend is going to reprimand him again for only knowing how to play games.

Xiao Zhan knows how Dashu’s girlfriend is like. She can’t stop once she starts. Unlike his ex, smiling gently with two dimples and blushing all the time.

He follows them to the food stall before the school. It’s still as small as ever and crammed with people. The yellowed air conditioner can’t blow away the sweat on Xiao Zhan’s back accumulated from climbing up the slope.

It’s like the damn air conditioner in his dorm room.

This stall has been here for a long time too. Xiao Zhan came here often even in elementary school. He’s stayed within these few kilometers from 7 years old to 17.

Crushing his _bingfen_ , he tugs at his collar and asks the owner when he’ll change the air conditioner.

“Can’t earn money.” The owner sits there, fanning himself.

A group comes in. The people chatting in the stall fall silent when they see the group and the volume is much lower when conversation starts up again. The owner stands up hurriedly, asking them what they want.

The guy with shoulder-length hair says, “Whatever,” and pulls a chair from the nearby table to sit beside Dashu, slinging an arm across his shoulder. “Treat Gege to some _bing_?”

Dashu shakes the arm off expressionlessly, but he says, “Okay, Chao-ge.”

“Want the expensive one,” Chao-ge says to the owner.

Xiao Zhan sits across from Dashu with his head lowered, crushing the ice in his bowl loudly. That guy is from the technical college across the street. They fought in the arcade last year. Xiao Zhan had just gotten dumped at that time and, looking at the messy brawl, all he could think of was his ex saying softly, “You’re too violent.”

Too violent.

It wasn’t his fault. It was that group of dogs that bit him first. He hefted the metal chair before the slot machine and smashed it onto Chao-ge’s head. The two stood, facing each other. The blood from the back of Xiao Zhan’s neck dyed his white tee red; Chao-ge fell to his knees before him.

Xiao Zhan’s injury was quite deep. He had to get stitches on the back of his head while Chao-ge only got a concussion. The next time they met was summer break. Xiao Zhan used a cap to hide the bald spot on the back of his head.

Standing at the bus station outside the school, he said, “This’s our last year here. Let’s not mess with each other.”

Then he apologized to Chao-ge, saying that they’d been too impulsive that day. They deserved it. After that, he, Dashu and the others got onto the bus. He saw Chao-ge’s expression go dark and livid from the window.

He’s pretty good at doing that to people.

“Xiao Zhan, Gege is impressed. You fight and get good grades. You do it all.”

“Like writing a novel.” Chao-ge’s girlfriend presses her boobs against Chao-ge’s back and keeps swaying. Her voice is flirty and tinny.

Xiao Zhan pushes aside his unfinished _bingfen_ and waves at the owner. “How much is Chao-ge’s?”

He pulls two bills out of his wallet for the owner. Not taking the five _yuan_ in change, he has the owner give him another bowl of _bingfen_ with extra toppings.

The bowl of leftovers sits right before Chao-ge; Xiao Zhan accepts the new bowl and resumes eating with his head down.

“I hope you get into a good college,” Chao-ge says to Xiao Zhan. He pats Dashu’s shoulder and leads his group away.

Xiao Zhan spits out a pebble. It was mixed into the _bingfen_ with the peanuts. Dashu’s girlfriend goes to ask the owner for a new one, but Xiao Zhan shakes his head, saying it’s unnecessary. He’s not gonna eat anymore.

Outside the door, Chao-ge is yelling, _Are you fucking blind?_

Xiao Zhan lifts the colorful curtain to see the short girl shrink behind Wang Yibo. Wang Yibo grabs her wrist, stopping her from picking up the watermelon ice spilled onto the ground and tells Chao-ge to buy them a new one.

Chao-ge’s girlfriend is still there, being aggressive. She calls them country bumpkins. Chao-ge finds that funny and he vents the anger he got from Xiao Zhan in the _bingfen_ store with his raspy voice.

Wang Yibo’s white school uniform is stained with watermelon juice. It reminds Xiao Zhan of the blood on his back that one day.

Xiao Zhan takes a step forward, but Dashu stops him. “What’re you getting involved for?”

Yeah, he promised his parents not to stir up shit this year, so he pulls his foot back and sits down. Dashu’s girlfriend suggests that they should leave, but Xiao Zhan shakes his head. He pulls the _bingfen_ over and continues eating.

“Let’s watch.”

A fight doesn’t happen outside, surprisingly enough. Through the semi-transparent curtains, he can see the two talking about something. They separate after the talk. The watermelon ice is still lying on the ground without anyone to pick it up.

Dashu smacks his lips at Xiao Zhan. “You should have him teach you how to negotiate. You two live in one dorm, right?”

Xiao Zhan arches an eyebrow, thinking that he has one more thing to chat with Wang Yibo about now.

That night, Wang Yibo and Xizi return later than usual. Xiao Zhan just got back from the toilet and isn’t asleep yet when he hears someone open the door and creep in. Xizi climbs to his bed directly and sleeps. Wang Yibo stands before the bed and takes off his shirt.

Xiao Zhan smells something metallic, like blood. Mixed in the cigarette scent, it’s barely there.

He cushions his head with his arm. The curtains aren’t pulled the entire way and some moonlight shines in. Wang Yibo reaches up to hang his shirt on the bedpost. He shakes his damp hair; the strands fly up and fall back down.

Xiao Zhan is shocked. The first day when he took the umbrella from Wang Yibo’s hand was the only time he noticed that this boy’s skin was _so_ pale. Under the moonlight, he seems even more deathly pale. Paired with the open cuts on his face and body, he looks like a ravaged doll.

Wang Yibo is very thin, his body like a flat sheet of paper. But the muscles on his arms and the subtly visible abs don’t match his face.

Xiao Zhan’s finger twitches. This body is really suitable for a model or get turned into a pretty statue.

Wang Yibo bends down to get the basin under the bed. His back seems to only have one layer of skin. The protruding vertebrae look stringed up like beads; his posture is perfect too.

Drunk on this body, Xiao Zhan accidentally sees his eyes.

He gasps as if his heart is stabbed. Wang Yibo is still bent over, using the little bit of light to look at him.

It’s like a fucking horror movie. His heart pounds crazily. Why does this guy and his girlfriend both like to stare at people like that? Xiao Zhan awkwardly pulls his arm out from under his head. But he doesn’t think he can feel disgusted by Wang Yibo. After all, _he’s_ the one caught staring.

Maybe Wang Yibo thinks he’s the perve.

Xiao Zhan takes a deep breath. He flips around, facing the wall, and shuts his eyes. Footsteps fade from the room, then returns. Wang Yibo climbs up silently as ever. After that, there are no extra sounds, other than soft breathing.

Xiao Zhan’s eyes are still closed. That body appears in the darkness before him. There’s an impulse that he only had a long time ago, making him want to sketch it out.

He opens his eyes to look at the washed white uniform hanging from the bedpost. It’s still dripping and there’s a dark print on it. He doesn’t know if it’s the watermelon juice from the afternoon. The metallic scent is covered by the laundry detergent.

Their school is on a very steep, old street on the riverside. Most of the buildings here are only a few stories tall, about as tall as a tree.

Most of the street behind the dorm building has been torn down for gentrification already. Only a few stores are left. If the owner sleeps in, they don’t even open for the morning.

When Xiao Zhan goes to brush his teeth in the morning, he sees that the street got smashed again, but he doesn’t know when it happened. He returns to the dorm to see Wang Yibo sitting in bed, spacing out. The baby fat on his cheeks seem a bit more swollen.

After that, the students from the old campus continue having no presence in the school. Dashu tells Xiao Zhan that Chao-ge and Wang Yibo fought in the back street that night. It caught no attention and was probably the stuffiest fight Chao-ge ever had.

Xiao Zhan guessed that Chao-ge neither lost nor got the upper hand. Otherwise, he would be loitering outside the school to provoke them.

That’s how he is. He likes to get in your face but doesn’t have much brains. The big boss in the technical school doesn’t fuck with him. That’s why he comes over to bully the high schoolers every day.

During the physical exercise break after the second block of lessons, Xiao Zhan passes by the old building. Xizi limps down the stairs and Xiao Zhan waves. The girl with Wang Yibo sees him and her eyes brighten. He immediately lowers his hand and leaves, making a face.

“Xiao Zhan.”

He stops. He’s not very familiar with that voice.

Wang Yibo digs around his pockets and takes out two bills. “Money Liu Chao paid you back. Forgot to give it to you the other day.”

Xiao Zhan takes the money, but his brain hasn’t processed all this yet. It’s not until Wang Yibo’s group is in the distance when he remembers that he treated Chao-ge to 60 _yuan_ of _bingfen_ that day. More accurately, it’s 55. The other five was his own serving.

He looks at the 50 and ten in his hand. Dashu sticks his head over and yelps, “Holy shit, holy shit.” The coach blows the whistle and yells at them to hurry up and get into line, so Xiao Zhan puts the money away and runs over.

He plans on returning the five to Wang Yibo that night, but Wang Yibo and Xizi don’t come back the entire night. He doesn’t see them the next day either. Wednesday night, it’s probably his first time seeing them come in before lights out. Wang Yibo supports Xizi while Xizi hops around with bandages around his ankle.

A roommate asks what’s wrong. Xizi says he fell. Xiao Zhan moves to the side and has Xizi sit on his bed.

“Weren’t you okay a few days ago?”

“I just thought I sprained it, but seems like I hurt the bone. It hurts so much.” Xizi rubs his leg. He’s numb from his calf to thigh.

“How come Liu Chao returned my money?” Xiao Zhan asks Xizi while sitting on the bed. Wang Yibo took off his shirt after helping Xizi sit down and went to wash up.

“Dunno. Ask Wang Yibo. I don’t even know what money this is.”

The fatty has a bad temper, but he doesn’t hold grudges. He smacks Xizi and carries him onto the upper bunk.

It’s time for lights out again, but Wang Yibo still isn’t back. Xiao Zhan asks Xizi where Wang Yibo is because he has to ask about the money. Lying in bed with his foot propped up, Xizi says that he’s smoking on the rooftop.

There’s a door to the rooftop of the old dorm building. The lock was broken last semester and it comes loose with a simple pull. No one told the teacher.

People go up to smoke as soon as the lights go out. It’s much safer than in the bathroom. Xiao Zhan pushes the door open. Most of the people up there live on the top floor too. Seeing that he’s not a stranger, they go back to smoking.

Wang Yibo squats in the corner. The pack of cigarettes and lighter are tossed onto the side and there are a few butts by his feet. He rests his elbows on his knees. With his head down, it’s hard to see his face. You can only see a puff of white smoke rise up, scattering in the air.

When Xiao Zhan walks over, Wang Yibo glances up and picks up the pack to offer to him. Xiao Zhan takes it, but he holds the lighter without igniting it.

No one stands on the rooftop because they’re scared of people seeing. Squatting beside Wang Yibo, he asks, “How’d you know the money’s mine?”

“He talked after he got beat up.” Wang Yibo stubs the cigarette butt on the ground. “Probably thinks we’re together.”

Xiao Zhan nods. This excuse stands. It’s probably what happened.

Not knowing what else to say, he puts the cigarette into his mouth and lights it. He returns the lighter to Wang Yibo and the boy lights another one. Xiao Zhan counts the butts underfoot. How is this guy so addicted?

The first mouthful of smoke stays in for a long while, but he still coughs. He hasn’t smoked in a long time. In ninth grade, he copied the others and smoked for a few months in the guy’s bathroom. Then his aunt—the homeroom teacher—caught him, and his second aunt—a doctor—scolded him for the entire afternoon. All he remembers is that smoking too much will make you dumb.

He pushes the smoke out and scratches his head with the fingers holding the cigarette. Hesitating a bit, he asks, “That girl who’s always with you. Is she your girlfriend?”

“No.” Wang Yibo doesn’t seem surprised. Squinting, he takes a drag. He doesn’t look at Xiao Zhan.

“Then never mind.”

“Why never mind?”

Xiao Zhan tosses the new cigarette and steps on it. He stands and stomps his numb feet. “Can you control her?”

“No.”

“Then that’s why.”

Wang Yibo stands and squeezes his calves. Probably too numb to move, he twists his neck weirdly to look at Xiao Zhan. “You interested in her?”

Xiao Zhan sighs and shakes his head. Thinking a bit, he looks at Wang Yibo. “You like her?”

“Where’d you get that from?” Rolling his ankles, he decides to leave. “I’ll tell her to stop looking at you.”

Just like how he randomly gave Xiao Zhan 60 _yuan_ , saying that it’s from Liu Chao, it’s like he knows everything about him.

Frowning, Xiao Zhan follows him down the steps, asking Wang Yibo how he’ll tell her.

Wang Yibo stops on the steps and turns around. There are no lights in the hall. The light outside can’t shine in either. Xiao Zhan is so near-sighted that he can’t even see the path clearly and he crashes into Wang Yibo.

“Tell her you don’t like girls and kill whatever feelings she has for you?”

It’s a question. They can’t see each other’s expressions, but Xiao Zhan can tell that Wang Yibo is asking. Wang Yibo can also hear that Xiao Zhan’s _what do you mean_ is cold to the max.

“Just a joke.”

Xiao Zhan hears footsteps and Wang Yibo’s voice is a bit further away.

“I’ll just say that you’re not interested and she should give up.”

Wang Yibo doesn’t wait for him. Xiao Zhan waits for the footsteps to disappear from the hall before he makes his way down, holding onto the handle. By the time he gets to the hall, his palms are covered in a layer of dust.

He washes his hands in the sink. He presses against the wet ceramic, cooling down his heated palms. When he calms down, he thinks about the conditions under which Wang Yibo said that, as if solving a math question. It’s probably because he stared at Wang Yibo that night with eyes just like that girl.

Xiao Zhan washes his face. He has to find a chance to explain.

He goes back to the room. Wang Yibo is silent in his bed. Even his breathing is covered by the fatty’s snores. Xiao Zhan can’t fall asleep. After who knows how long, he calls Wang Yibo softly.

The bed sways and a few tufts of hair appear from the upper bunk. Then it’s half a head and then a pair of eyes.

“What?”

Xiao Zhan lays there, looking at him. He thought he was quiet enough that only he could hear himself. Wang Yibo is either a light sleeper or he hadn’t fallen asleep either. Xiao Zhan raises a hand and waves under Wang Yibo’s eyes. When Wang Yibo’s hand falls down, he slaps it lightly.

“Thanks.”


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you believe?”  
> “Believe what?”  
> “That I didn’t cheat.”  
> Xiao Zhan doesn’t answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glossary:  
> gaokao: college entrance exam  
> Qzone: the social media-ish part of qq where you can post things

Right before class lets out for the weekend, the school has all the third-year students do a mock exam. The new and old campuses are mixed together, implementing for the first time the “you are all students from one school” speech that the principal always repeats.

The exam rooms are randomized. Dashu says that he’s in the same room as Wang Yibo. He sits in the second to last seat while Yibo is the last one. Before the exam, Dashu even greets him like friends.

It’s mostly because of Yibo’s fight with Liu Chao. They have this rule here. As long as they don’t fight, they can be friends. They can even unite and fight against outsiders when needed.

Xiao Zhan takes the mock in his own classroom. His homeroom teacher felt it unnecessary for the elite students to go through all the hassle. They have two desks per person, anyway, and can just clear the desk and take the exam there.

The exam ends earlier than their usual class time. When Xiao Zhan goes out, he doesn’t see Yibo’s group waiting for the van. Dashu tells him that Wang Yibo slept for more than an hour in the last English exam. He only woke up when the teacher called him at the end and wrote down ABCD in order.

Xiao Zhan snorts. The image suits Wang Yibo perfectly.

A girl comes over to give him a cup of bubble tea. Xiao Zhan sucks some tapioca pearls, chewing them, when he sees Xizi limp across the street. He looks around but doesn’t see Yibo or the usual guys with him.

“Did Wang Yibo leave after the exam?” Xiao Zhan asks Dashu.

“He ran faster than a monkey after turning in the paper. Why?”

Xiao Zhan juts his chin out. “Xizi just went to the technical college by himself.”

“Who’s Xizi?”

“That limping guy we saw last time.”

Dashu shrugs, telling Xiao Zhan to mind his own business. “You finally changed for the better because of your ex. If you get impulsive, they’ll say you‘re violent again.”

Xiao Zhan ignores him. With the straw in his mouth, he leans against the tree trunk lazily. His flat backpack hangs from his shoulders like an accessory.

“Hey hottie, wanna date?”

“Fuck off.” Xiao Zhan rolls his eyes.

This group of friends always teases him when they see him striking a pose, but he’s already past the age of thinking that “Is it my fault I’m attractive?” is a witty comeback.

“Psh, still thinking of your ex? Wanna get her back after _gaokao_?”

“Yeah, why not?”

He likes pretty people and pretty bodies. Even though his ex was so shy that even a hug would make her blush, she’s probably the prettiest girl he’s ever seen.

When he gets home at night, he sees that doll at the head of his bed again. He bought it with his ex a long time ago—it’s a pair. After they broke up, he tossed the doll into the drawer, but it falls out each time someone opened the drawer. Every weekend when he comes back, he sees that his mom put it in the center of his bed again.

Xiao Zhan squeezes it a few times. Suddenly, he gets up and digs out a pair of scissors from the drawer. He cuts off the two pigtails. If he covers the dress, it looks like a boy with unnaturally black hair and white skin.

Like Wang Yibo.

He tosses the doll onto the ground again and goes on Qzone. Xizi posted a few pictures—probably the reservoir in the county. He captions that he broke his leg so he can’t go in the water, paired with a crying emoji. One of the blurry pictures has Yibo. With a bare upper body, he sits in the water and smiles at the camera while doing a peace sign. The setting sun shines on his back.

Xiao Zhan sets the phone down. He closes his eyes, thinking of Yibo, injured and standing under the shred of moonlight cast through the curtains that night.

Light suits him.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t fall asleep until really late that night. It’s noon by the time he wakes up the next day. His parents aren’t home, but Dashu calls him again. Drinking cola on the sofa with the air conditioning blowing at him, he looks at the roiling heat outside and drawls out a “No.” He hangs up.

A while later, Dashu sends some messages yelling at him. _Why the fuck did we run into Liu Chao again?_

“He’s causing trouble with you?” Xiao Zhan calls him.

Dashu has something in his mouth. “No,” he says unclearly. “But he asked about you. I said you didn’t come.”

“He’s sick.”

“Yeah. And he asked if Wang Yibo and Wang Shuangxi are with us.”

“What did you say?”

“Obviously no. They’re the ones who fought, not us.”

After he hangs up, Xiao Zhan sits there thinking. This definitely won’t end here. Liu Chao fights dirty and holds grudges. Since Yibo was able to get the money back, the fight must’ve been ugly.

He can alert Yibo, but he definitely can’t help. If he gets pushed out of the elite class, his dad will be the first to beat him up. Dashu’s dad used money and connections to get him into the advanced class, so if the school catches him, he probably won’t be able to get out of bed for days.

He leaves for school late. When he gets to the classroom, the sky has already darkened and the class leader is going around, passing out the papers from the mock exam. Xiao Zhan sits in his seat for a long while, but the homeroom teacher doesn’t come over. There’s not much to reflect on for his paper. It’s not too bad; not too great either. His total grade probably gets him to the top ten or 20. The score for each subject is so average that it’s like he did it purposely.

The first in the grade is still that guy with glasses who sits in the first row. He frowns while looking at his paper. Someone says that the old man just tossed down his paper and didn’t praise him today.

The old man is his homeroom teacher. He teaches physics and is the department head. Usually, he treats Number One like a gem, praising him no matter where he goes, because Number One always gets a high score in physics. He gets first or second place in every single competition too. He can probably get admitted to a university even without the _gaokao._

At night, a rumor passes into the class. Someone from the old campus cheated, getting full marks in physics while failing all six other subjects. He refused to retake the exam or answer the new problems written by the teacher. He just sat in the office and ignored the old man.

And this cheater is pretty hot too.

The students from the two campuses don’t mess with each other. The old campus doesn’t come to the new building; these people don’t go to the old building either. But Wang Yibo’s face does spread through the new building, along with the news about cheating.

Seeing how the old man sits at the podium, frowning like he has a toothache, Xiao Zhan guesses that he’s seriously pissed. The old man puts his sense of responsibility all onto physics. If it’s any other subject that Yibo got full marks on, he’d be too lazy to say a single thing. But it won’t fly for physics. It’s not even an exaggeration to say that he might drag Yibo to the office and watch him do the next exam there.

After the evening study hall, Dashu waits for Xiao Zhan at the stairwell and drags him to the cafeteria for a late-night snack. The cafeteria cook would open a window and sell some fried food or oden. There’s only a bulb hanging before the window. Crammed in the dark cafeteria, they all look like rats coming out at midnight, searching for food.

“How’d you do?”

Dashu yawns for a long time before saying he didn’t do too well. Xiao Zhan already knows that Dashu is last in his class. He got in because of money and doesn’t know how to study at all.

Xiao Zhan sits in the chair beside the window and eats the steaming hot fishcake. He hears Dashu hang an arm over someone’s shoulder and say excitedly but also annoyingly, “Bro, not bad. If I knew you had these skills, we could’ve worked together. I don’t need to copy full marks. I just need to pass.”

“Fuck off.”

Xiao Zhan stops chewing. He stands up and pulls Dashu’s arm. He knows that Dashu has a quick temper and it’s obvious from Yibo’s voice that he’s trying to push down anger. The group with unclear faces follow Yibo away, while Dashu is still yelling out a string of curses.

The short girl pushes out from the line with two cups of oden. The white light illuminates her face. She takes a glance at Xiao Zhan before leaving immediately after Yibo.

When he gets back to the dorm, Xizi is already there, lying in bed with the phone he secretly brought in. The lights go out, but Yibo still isn’t back. Thinking a bit, Xiao Zhan gets out of bed, puts on his shoes, and goes to the rooftop.

As expected, Yibo is squatting in the corner. Xiao Zhan goes over to squat beside him and takes a cigarette from the pack as if they’re close friends.

“Did you really cheat?” He only takes one drag. After exhaling the smoke, he just lets the cigarette burn.

“No.” Yibo scratches his nose. “You believe me?”

“You should’ve just redone it in front of him. Then the school wouldn’t spread rumors about you cheating.”

“I didn’t cheat. Why should I redo it?” Yibo inhales deeply. The cigarette gets burned to the butt and when he talks, smoke comes out of his nose and mouth like a boiling teapot. He tosses the butt down and picks up the pack. Turning, he asks Xiao Zhan, “Do you believe?”

“Believe what?”

“That I didn’t cheat.”

Xiao Zhan doesn’t answer. Yibo takes the cigarette between Xiao Zhan’s fingers and puts it in his own mouth. Xiao Zhan’s fingers hurt from the tug. Yibo throws the empty pack at him, pointing a finger, saying that he used up all his cigs.

“I just think there’s no way you can have such a big difference in subjects.” Xiao Zhan rubs at his red fingers.

“Let’s bet. If I didn’t cheat, then you treat me to one cigarette. No, one pack.”

“What if you lose?”

Yibo takes the cigarette out of his mouth and looks at Xiao Zhan. “Would you still talk to me if I lose?”

Xiao Zhan looks at Yibo through the white smoke. He can’t see clearly. He feels that Yibo doesn’t really talk, but he just has to know how to talk to him. But they really haven’t talked to each other much.

To be honest, cheating isn’t a big deal to him. If you cheat so stupidly but refuse to admit it, then no one would want anything to do with you anymore.

Xiao Zhan nods in agreement. After a while, he adds, “Don’t smoke so much. You’ll turn dumb.”

Yibo chokes and coughs. Another voice from somewhere tells him to shut up.

“Oh, Liu Chao came to find us. He asked about you guys. He’ll definitely find you again. Be careful.”

Yibo runs a hand through his hair, his expression turning dark. He still has half a cigarette left, but he extinguishes it on the ground and cusses softly.

“What?”

“Annoyed.” Yibo rubs his face. “You fought with him before, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How did you guys make up?”

Xiao Zhan knocks his back against the wall, frowning. “It’s our last year. I just wanna get into a good school.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah right,” Xiao Zhan laughs.

Like sleeping for an hour during the English exam and then answering ABCD in order?

“We don’t wanna cause trouble here either. It’s just one year. I just want to get over it.” With that, he lifts up his shirt to look. Exhaling, he says, “They fight dirty. I’m scared they’ll leave a scar on me.”

Xiao Zhan’s eye twitches. “Are you saying that on purpose because I looked at you that night?”

Yibo shakes his head. “But what were you looking at?”

It’s awkward. Xiao Zhan purses his lip for a while before saying, “I used to draw. I don’t anymore. You look like a figurine.”

“Your family doesn’t let you draw anymore?”

“I stopped by myself. I lost inspiration.”

“You can use me to find inspiration.”

Xiao Zhan looks at him, a bit shocked.

“Don’t you like it? Or did you get scarred somehow?”

Xiao Zhan freezes. “I don’t really like drawing that much.” He plays with his fingers. “I just like…the human body. When I draw, it’s like I’m doing a dissection.”

“So you’ve already thought about how to dissect me?” Yibo looks at Xiao Zhan thoughtfully. Laughing, he says, “If I die someday, I’ll donate my body to you.”

“You’re crazy.”

Yibo stands up and calls to Xiao Zhan to go back. When they’re at a step on the stairs that light can’t shine onto, Yibo asks behind him, “Do you strip naked and look at yourself in the mirror a lot?”

“Why would I look at myself?”

“Because you’re pretty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the support so far~


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sits right before the last window; the rooftop light and moon shine in.
> 
> “What, you have inspiration?” Xiao Zhan looks up and Yibo says, “I can be your model.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> field games: chinese slang for having sex outside/in the wild

Xizi comes back early the entire week, maybe because he’s limping. He lies in bed as soon as he gets back, typing on his phone.

Unexpectedly, Yibo comes back when the lights are still on. It’s because the school locked the running track that night. It’s usually not locked, but last night, a couple was caught doing something in the small woods. The dean probably wishes that all of his students are monks. He patrols with his hands behind his back every day and makes students go to his office whenever there’s even a tiny sign. Xiao Zhan never had to go. Even if he tried to hold his ex’s hand in front of the teacher, his ex would shake him away in panic.

But in his first and second year, he was mostly grouped with the kids that had no future too.

Xiao Zhan lies in bed, reading the horror magazines that one roommate bought. He reads from the dorm to the classroom and it’s the same stuff every month, but he still gets into it.

Yibo stands before his bed, taking off his clothes. Xiao Zhan looks up and pokes him with a toe.

“Sit.”

Yibo sits down and bends over to take off his shoes. Xiao Zhan rests the magazine on his chest and asks why he stays at the track so late every night.

“You taking attendance?”

Xiao Zhan bares his teeth and curses at him.

When the lights go out, Yibo pats him. “Come smoke.”

Beside them, the fatty looks like he can’t breathe. Sprawled on his bed, he asks them, “You two keep running out when it’s dark. You goin’ to fuck or something?”

Yibo turns to look at Xiao Zhan. “Let’s go fuck.”

“Fuck off.” Xiao Zhan kicks Yibo’s ass and follows him out.

The breeze on the rooftop is still hot and Xiao Zhan’s back gets covered in sweat. He’ll have to shower again later. Yibo puts a cigarette in his mouth without lighting it. He just squats there, playing with the cigarette. Xiao Zhan asks why he has such a bad addiction and comes up to smoke every day.

Blowing at the cigarette head, Yibo says unclearly, “Too bored.”

“What color was your hair before?”

Looking at Xiao Zhan, Yibo ruffles his own hair. “Is it obvious?”

Xiao Zhan nods.

“It was blue before. Before that, it was brown. Before that, gold.” He musses his hair. “The teachers didn’t care before, but they pulled us all to the hair salon before we came here and dyed it back.”

Now, Xiao Zhan knows why that girl uses such a cringey profile picture. Wang Yibo was probably like that before too. He can’t hold his laugh in.

“Have you gone to the county before?”

“Nope.”

“You can go in the future. There’s a big reservoir by my house. And my school, it’s all abandoned. It’s fun.”

“Good for field games.”

Yibo’s mouth drops open but doesn’t say anything.

“I’m talking about CS. What are you thinking of?”

“I thought you had that kink.”

Xiao Zhan laughs. “I won’t say no.” He licks his two bunny teeth. “Pretty exciting. You’ve done it before?”

“Not yet.” Yibo shakes his head. “Maybe I will in the future.”

When they go back, some of the roommates are still talking. Xizi is still in the same position. Xiao Zhan grabs his towel and goes to the bathroom with Yibo. It’s empty now, so they strip down to their boxers.

Wang Yibo’s body is even paler than his arms. This is Xiao Zhan’s first time seeing it under such a bright light. He wrings the towel and wipes his sweat, commenting that Yibo really has no scars on his body.

“Yeah. Jealous?”

Xiao Zhan scoffs. He suddenly gets poked in the waist. He raises his arm and looks down to see Yibo pointing at the long scar on his waist. It’s faded, but it’s obvious enough.

“How’d you get this?”

“Accident in a fight.”

Yibo spreads his fingers and cups a palm on his waist. Xiao Zhan doesn’t know what he’s doing, but the palm is hot. He tremors when it covers his skin, but he doesn’t shrink away.

“It’s as long as my hand.”

Xiao Zhan sees the scar get covered from Yibo’s fingertips to the end of his palm. Not a single bit is exposed.

It’s like Wang Yibo can hold it in his hand and take it away.

The sensation disappears in only a few seconds. Yibo continues to mess with his towel in the basin, casually asking how he got hurt so badly.

Xiao Zhan presses his hands in the basin. Looking down at his fingertips that have turned white, he slowly says, “I met someone in middle school. We drew together and always hung out. Then we had a fight. He did this. And I stopped drawing.”

Yibo arches an eyebrow, nodding. “You really did.”

“What?”

“Get scarred.”

Xiao Zhan wrinkles his nose without answering.

The school track opens only after getting locked for one night. Maybe the school also realized that locking it up won’t solve the root of the problem. If you really want to date, you can even hide in the bathroom to do it.

That day, Dashu asks Xiao Zhan to go to the track with him. He hasn’t been there in a long time. There’s no one on the track except those on night jogs and the dean patrolling with a big flashlight. Dashu’s girlfriend walks in the front while they follow in the back. Dashu comments that it’s quite romantic while Xiao Zhan is just annoyed.

He lifts his arms and stretches, planning to go back. Before he can bring his arms down, someone crashes into him from behind. He steadies himself and lifts his head to yell at whoever it is, but he sees Wang Yibo running backwards and hooking a finger at him.

“C’mon.”

Xiao Zhan waves at Dashu, saying he’s leaving first, and runs away with Yibo.

The lights are all off in the old building now. Xiao Zhan follows Yibo up, asking what he’s doing.

“Bring the stuff up,” Yibo calls from the stairwell.

Their classroom door is already locked. Yibo opens the window and flips in, leaving a dark footprint on someone else’s textbook. Xiao Zhan pushes the book to the side and steps onto the person’s desk. The book with Wang Shuangxi’s name flutters open with the wind from his clothes.

Wang Yibo sits in the last row, next to the window. It’s the same spot as Xiao Zhan’s. He picks up the half-empty bottle on the desk and drinks it all in a few gulps. He digs another bottle out of the desk and asks Xiao Zhan if he wants it. Shaking his head, Xiao Zhan walks over; Yibo has already drunk half of the new bottle.

Xiao Zhan stands at his deskmate’s position and looks around. He pulls the standing pencil bag facedown so that the surface with some girl’s picture is pressed to the desk. He circles around Yibo and sits on the desk in front of him. Swinging his legs, he asks what Yibo is doing.

“C’mere.” Yibo pulls Xiao Zhan’s arm and points at the desk. “Is this your old desk?”

“How’d you know?”

Surprised, Xiao Zhan jumps down and sticks his head closer. He looks with squinted eyes for a long while before seeing that his ex carved their names into the center of the desk. There’s a heart between the names too.

This was his classroom for his first year. He sat here and his ex was his deskmate. They broke up the second year.

“Your girlfriend? That’s a pretty name.”

“Ex-girlfriend.” Xiao Zhan sits back down. Laughing, he asks, “How come you don’t think it’s her desk?”

Yibo takes a swig while wagging his finger. He pushes the books aside and sits on the desk too, putting his feet right on the two names. “Girls usually write on their boyfriend’s desks.”

“You have experience.”

“Just a little.”

“You like doing this too, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Wang Yibo nods seriously. “But I don’t usually write on desks. I write on bodies.”

“Fuck,” Xiao Zhan snorts. He points at the desk next to Yibo. “Is she your ex or current girlfriend?”

“I told you no.” Yibo looks down and knocks the water bottle against the desk. “We grew up together. She likes you.”

Pursing his lips, Xiao Zhan shakes his head. He realizes that Yibo’s hair is damp and matted; his school uniform kind of shows his body too. He sits right before the last window; the rooftop light and moon shine in.

Looking at Wang Yibo’s softly rising and lowering chest and the light dent at his collarbone, Xiao Zhan wriggles his finger.

“What, you have inspiration?” Xiao Zhan looks up and Yibo says, “I can be your model.”

He pulls a notebook and a 2B pencil from his desk, tossing them at Xiao Zhan. The other boy catches the objects, but before he can say anything, Yibo lifts his arm to strip off his shirt.

“No need,” Xiao Zhan yelps with his hand up. “I don’t draw naked bodies.”

Yibo tsks, tossing his t-shirt onto the desk. He still has a tank top. It’s thin—sticking to his back, one can vaguely make out the contours. Xiao Zhan grips the pencil.

“I didn’t plan on getting naked in the classroom.” Yibo pours some water onto his head, shakes his hair, and wipes his sweat. “Am I hotter with damp hair?”

Xiao Zhan sits cross-legged and cushions the notebook with a textbook. “I might draw for a long time,” he says.

“Just draw.”

Wang Yibo rests his elbow on his knee and sits there, playing with his bottle. He watches Xiao Zhan rip out page after page. Xiao Zhan has barely drawn anything since he graduated middle school and he doesn’t really know how to draw Yibo right now.

He closes his eyes. What he said to Yibo was probably just an excuse for staring at him that night.

“How can you draw me without looking at me?”

Xiao Zhan opens his eyes to see Yibo squeezing the bottle with all his might. The plastic caves in.

“I’ll draw your hand.”

“That works.”

He doesn’t start drawing in the center. The space seems to be left empty for the body.

Wang Yibo’s hands are big. His palm is big, his fingers long; his nails are a bit too short. When he grips the bottle, the bones and veins protrude, making the contours extremely clear and visible. Xiao Zhan draws smoothly. It’s only a hand, after all.

He hesitates, wondering if he should continue. Knitting his brows, he trains his eyes on the paper to draw some strokes but erases them. It had also been night that time. Someone dug out a stack of sketching paper, shoving it before him, saying, _These are all your sketches of me._ For the first time ever, he was so disgusted of what he’d drawn. Before, he’d felt proud, because the things he drew became prettier and prettier, more and more like his body.

Wang Yibo snaps his fingers; Xiao Zhan snaps out of his thoughts and looks up.

“You’re drawing me, not someone else. You have to look at me.” Yibo stares into his eyes. Then he grips the bottle again. “Or you can pretend he’s this bottle.”

He squeezes and the cap shoots out. It hits the wall and bounces on the ground; a circle of white mist wraps around the mouth of the bottle.

“Dead,” Wang Yibo says.

The teachers are blowing whistles outside. Xiao Zhan looks down—people on the track are heading back to their dorms. He points at the door with his pencil, asking Yibo if he wants to go back.

Yibo hops down from the desk and throws the bottle into the trash bin at the first row. Xiao Zhan closes the notebook around the pencil and puts it in his pocket. “When will you finish drawing me?” Yibo asks.

"I’ll give it to you when I’m done.” Putting a foot on the windowsill, Xiao Zhan jumps out. While waiting for Yibo in the hall, he says, “I can finish it even without looking at you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you also go into an empty classroom and draw your bro for no reason or are you normal


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wish I’d known you two years sooner.” 
> 
> “It’s not too late now.”
> 
> Xiao Zhan’s eyes are still shiny with tears of laughter. Squeezing off the desk from Yibo’s side, he says that if he was a girl, he’d think that Yibo was trying to flirt with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chuan: sichuan/chongqing food like this: (p2) https://twitter.com/fefedove/status/1319638585440493569  
> (different from chuan'r in the north)
> 
> tw: mentions of prostitutes, fighting, blood

Something happens at school.

It’s still peaceful on Sunday night, but early Monday morning, Xizi pushes his way into the dorm. The door crashing against the wall wakes everyone up. The sleepy guys cuss at him, but he ignores them. He climbs onto his bed and starts flipping the blankets.

Wang Yibo sits up and asks him what he’s doing. Xizi slings on his backpack to leave without answering, but Yibo jumps off his bed and grabs him. Xizi’s neck and face are frighteningly red, the vein bulging on his neck. His eyes are swollen from crying and he sniffs but snot still runs out. Yibo follows him out.

Just as Xiao Zhan puts on his clothes, Yibo comes back. He pulls a pair of pants from his bed, slips it on, and leaves again. Xiao Zhan doesn’t even have time to ask.

He doesn’t find out until after the morning class. Xizi was expelled. He sits in his classroom, dazed. He doesn’t hear the reason.

The teacher lectures from the front. Yibo’s notebook is open on Xiao Zhan’s desk. He continues drawing the arm, but it doesn’t work out even when the paper is torn from the eraser.

Resting his chin in his palm, he looks out the window. The old building is really far from him, so he can’t see the faces clearly, but there are some guys standing outside the classroom straight across from him.

It’s only been one month since school started. What exactly did Xizi to do get expelled directly?

They have to do physical exercises in the field after the second class. Xiao Zhan stands there for a while, looking around. Then he turns to leave. When he gets to the old building, Dashu pats his shoulder from behind, asking what he’s doing.

“I’m going to check out Wang Shuangxi’s class.”

“I’m going with.”

Xiao Zhan gets to the third floor. The classroom is empty. Xizi’s desk next to the window is already cleared.

“Since when did you get so close to them?”

“Just curious.” Xiao Zhan leans against the window.

“Do you know why he got expelled?”

“Why?” Xiao Zhan asks.

“Your class really doesn’t care about drama. I’ll tell you over there.”

They walk to the corner at the end of the hall. Leaning against the wall, Dashu tells Xiao Zhan that Wang Shuangxi went to a prostitute. Right in the salon in the back street.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t know how long the salon has been there, but it’s been there since he started school here. In first year, he and Dashu thought it really was a salon. They had those ceramic chairs and plastic basins from the 80s or 90s, and rusted razors hanging from the door. They wondered how the salon could make money when the lights were off all day. Once, Dashu wanted to get a trim, but they were pushed out as soon as they stepped foot inside.

Xiao Zhan didn’t believe them when they said what they sell inside, thinking what kind of brothel dares to open up right outside a school. But one night, they slipped out of the dorm to game at the Internet café. He and Dashu went out to buy _chuan_ at midnight and saw a girl run out of the salon. She was naked and her breasts jiggled in the air as she ran deep into the alley and pushed open some metal gates.

They stood dumbly at the other end of the alley, their half-eaten meat falling to the ground. Dashu kept repeating _oh, fuck_ while Xiao Zhan gulped and shoved the rest of his _chuan_ all to him.

That was his first time seeing the naked body of a young girl with his own eyes. It had only been around three months since he was harassed by a man. After that, he always spaced out in class like an idiot. Dashu joked that he hit puberty after seeing a girl’s boobs, but Xiao Zhan ignored him. After that, he got a girlfriend.

The prettiest girl in the entire school.

“He didn’t pay afterward, so they reported to the school to mess with him.”

Xiao Zhan furrowed his brows, thinking of how Xizi always played on his phone the past two weeks as if he was stuck to the bed. Was it related to this? But in the end, he doesn’t understand Xizi and they aren’t that close.

He nods and is about to leave when Dashu says behind him, “Actually, I saw him last night.”

Xiao Zhan looks at him, shocked. “You saw him? Saw him go whoring?”

Dashu nods.

“How did you see him?”

“I saw when I went to get a room with my girlfriend last night.”

Xiao Zhan blanches. It’s not Dashu’s first time doing that, so it’s most likely true.

“After that, I saw Liu Chao too. He did _this_ to me.” Dashu sticks up two fingers and points at his eyes.

Xiao Zhan stands there; hot wind blows against him and a shiver goes down his spine. He knows why he can’t find Wang Yibo. They definitely will go to Liu Chao.

By afternoon, he still doesn’t see that group, while Xizi’s news spreads throughout the entire school. Everyone uses it for dirty jokes. Xiao Zhan listens as he sits in the cafeteria and he stabs a hole into his pancake.

When he gets back to his room at night, Xizi’s bed is already empty. All that remains are the wooden boards. The lights are out when he finishes washing. Xizi isn’t there; Wang Yibo isn’t there either. Just like usual.

Xiao Zhan lies in bed for a while. Then he puts on his shoes and walks out.

He doesn’t actually know where Wang Yibo is. They only meet in so many places but mostly on the rooftop. He pulls that door open. There aren’t many people there tonight. Some look up when the door opens and pats the spot beside them.

“You really are here.”

Wang Yibo is sitting directly on the ground this time. Xiao Zhan squats beside him.

“Was waiting for you here.”

“What’s with Xizi?”

“He got played by Liu Chao.” Yibo isn’t even smoking. He just plays with the empty box. “Last time we fought with Liu Chao, he met a girl from the technical college. They started dating. Then the girl tricked him over there. We only knew this morning that she’s not even from the school. She’s just a prostitute.”

“Can you explain to the school?”

“Explain my ass,” Yibo grits out. “He already slept with her, so what’s the point of explaining? He’ll still get expelled. Plus, that girl won’t admit it.”

Xiao Zhan lowers his head, drawing circles on the ground with his finger. He claps the dust from his hands. “If you go find Liu Chao, count me in.”

Wang Yibo laughs, asking what he’s doing.

“I can’t beat him, you can’t beat him, but if we fight together, we might get somewhere.”

“Didn’t you say you’re gonna be a good student that doesn’t fight?”

“Don’t worry. I’m a good student even if I fight.” Xiao Zhan sits onto the ground. “If we get caught, I’ll run first. You take care of the back.”

Wang Yibo nods and tanks him.

“Count it as me returning that 60 _yuan_ to you.” Xiao Zhan watches Yibo’s eyes widen and he chuckles, explaining, “The 60 you got from Liu Chao.”

The two laugh with their heads down and end this topic. They sit on the rooftop until everyone else leaves. Finally, Xiao Zhan stands up, patting his pants, and asks when Yibo plans to go find them.

“Tomorrow night.”

“Tell him to go to the alley behind the salon.” Xiao Zhan reaches over and pulls Yibo up. “End it where it began.”

At lunch the next day, Dashu asks Xiao Zhan to go to the track at night. Xiao Zhan shakes his head, saying he has plans.

“Are you gonna go help Wang Yibo?”

“You wanna go?”

“Yeah.” Dashu bites the drumstick in his bowl. “Let’s see who stabs whose eye.”

After evening study hall, Dashu and their group of guys are already waiting at the stairwell. Xiao Zhan takes off his school uniform, revealing the dark green tee inside. They climb out of the back gate and go straight to the empty store on the back street. Someone gets stools and they sit there to wait.

Xiao Zhan huffs at his fringe. They’re getting long. He takes Dashu’s cap off from the boy’s crew-cut head, lifts his fringe, and puts the cap on. He waits for people to come from the outside.

Raising his head, he looks at the sky. The stars are so pretty, so suitable to be gazed at from the rooftop. And yet he has to beat up a piece of trash here.

He pushes his fingers and the knuckles crack.

He didn’t bring a watch, so he has no clue how much time has passed. He hears the lights out bell ring in the school and the lights extinguish in the old dorm building. The back street falls into darkness. He can even hear the sounds of rats.

A group comes from the distance. Wang Yibo is clad in a black tee; only his extremely pale face and arms can be seen. The salon is closed today and that rusted metal gate in the alley is tightly locked too. The walls are very tall; barely anyone can climb up.

Liu Chao stands there, laughing at Wang Yibo, saying, _You’ve even planned out where you’re going to die._

Yibo doesn’t answer. He stands there, watching Liu Chao quietly. The back street is eerily silent when no one speaks; the rustling footsteps grate at one’s eardrums. Liu Chao turns to see some familiar figures. Xiao Zhan brings the guys that they’ve fought before, blocking the alley’s exit.

Liu Chao laughs. He looks at Yibo, then at Xiao Zhan.

“This is kinda shit,” he says to them.

“We’re here to beat up shit today.” Xiao Zhan stares coldly at him.

Before Liu Chao can open his mouth, someone kicks his waist and he falls to his knees. Then Yibo’s face is pressed down. In an instant, the dozen people crammed in the alley entangle in a brawl.

It’s pitch black and they can barely see faces clearly. Xiao Zhan puts Liu Chao in a chokehold from behind and Yibo kicks his stomach. Xiao Zhan can feel the force of that kick; he feels it in his own stomach. Liu Chao opens his mouth and something dribbles onto Xiao Zhan’s arm. He cusses and lets go, punching Liu Chao’s face.

Xiao Zhan’s cap is still clinging to his head; Yibo’s shirt is all torn and the corners of his eyes and lips are injured. He grips Liu Chao’s neck and pushes him to the ground, demanding why he ruined Xizi.

“He deserved it.” Liu Chao spits at Yibo’s face.

“Fucking die!”

Wang Yibo pummels him and Xiao Zhan presses a knee to his stomach so he can’t move. All Liu Chao can do is lie on the ground, screaming with all his might.

Seeing how bloodthirsty Yibo’s eyes are, Xiao Zhan tells him to leave Liu Chao alive. He doesn’t focus on his surroundings at all. Liu Chao’s guys have been fighting their group for a long while now. Without realizing, someone flies over, sprawling by Xiao Zhan’s foot. That guy is holding a folding knife. Xiao Zhan scrambles back when he sees the glint of light, but he still feels a sliver of coldness. And then the stabbing pain.

Yibo turns to see the red on the blade and goes crazy, grabbing the guy’s hair and hurling him against the wall. Xiao Zhan stands up, not even knowing where he’s injured. He walks over and latches onto Yibo from the back, telling him to go.

The guy with the knife is unmoving on the ground; Liu Chao moans on the ground, rasping out that this isn’t the end.

“I dare you to come. You come once, we’ll fucking beat you once.” Wang Yibo looks at him one last time and leaves with Xiao Zhan.

They’re all injured, but thankfully, no one was stabbed other than Xiao Zhan. Dashu asks where his wound is, but Xiao Zhan just pants for breath, saying that he doesn’t know.

Standing under the street light, Yibo reaches a hand into Xiao Zhan’s shirt and presses down on his waist. When he pulls his hand out, it’s covered in blood. He lifts up Xiao Zhan’s shirt. Blood has dyed half of his body red. The wound covers the scar—not too deep, but very long.

“Let’s go to the hospital.” Wang Yibo lowers the shirt back down.

Some guys say they want to go with, but Xiao Zhan has them find somewhere to sleep. If the entire group of injured boys goes to the hospital, the doctors would probably call the cops. Dashu volunteers to accompany him, but Wang Yibo stops him without thinking.

Sitting in the taxi, pain finally starts spreading all over Xiao Zhan’s body. He hunches over as much as he can to reduce the pain, but the smell of blood already fills the car. The driver keeps glancing at them through the rearview mirror, but Wang Yibo ignores him entirely. He looks to the side, telling Xiao Zhan to rest against him if he’s uncomfortable.

Yibo supports him with his body, one hand going around his waist to hold onto his thigh, hugging him. Xiao Zhan only feels slightly better when he no longer has to hold himself up.

There are very few people at the small hospital at night. Xiao Zhan sprawls there, biting onto the bedsheet. He doesn’t feel much pain anymore by the time they got to the hospital, but the moment they pour on the disinfectant, his short life still flashes past his eyes.

With tears in his eyes, he watches the doctor stab the long, thin needle into his flesh and pull it out again. It’s just like when he came in the last year of middle school, but that time, he was alone at the hospital, staring as the doctor gave him stiches. When his parents came, he was already bandaged up.

“Don’t look if you’re scared.” Yibo stands before him, covering his eyes with a hand.

He hears the doctor chuckle, commenting that it’s like Wang Yibo is coaxing his son.

Yibo opens his fingers a bit to reveal Xiao Zhan’s eyes and calls him his son.

Xiao Zhan has no strength at all. Even his “fuck off” is soft. He rests his face on the pillow and closes his eyes in Yibo’s hand. When he opens them again, the clock on the wall says four o’clock and Yibo is sleeping on the chair.

The doctor comes over and lifts his shirt to check. He says that Xiao Zhan can go since he’s awake. While leaving, the doctor jokes that these two youngsters just aren’t scared of pain. They can still sleep so well.

Xiao Zhan lies on the bed and looks at Wang Yibo, thinking that he’ll wake the boy when the sky gets lighter.

He’s long been used to getting stitches at the hospital. On his head, his waist… But he always came by himself.

The doctor tells him to come get his stitches removed in seven days. His body starts aching all over after sleeping for the night and, standing before the back gate, he feels for the first that the gate is _so_ high up.

“Can you get up if I lift you?” Yibo asks behind him.

“Let’s try.”

Yibo holds his legs and pushes him up. Xiao Zhan grabs the edge of the gate, but his waist doesn’t have any strength at all. Sweat drips from his forehead. Clenching his jaw, he’s ready to fight to the death with this gate, but Wang Yibo lowers him.

“Whatever.” Xiao Zhan holds onto the wall, catching his breath. They can just go through the main entrance. So what if they get marked down?

“No, wait for me.”

Yibo flips over and runs in, disappearing for a few minutes. Xiao Zhan sits on the rock outside of the gate. He’s thinking that Yibo ditched him when the boy returns with a wire and starts stabbing at the big metal lock. Xiao Zhan sits there, watching him with his chin in his palm. He thinks that this is just a waste of time, but then Yibo really does pick the lock successfully.

“How many side jobs do you have?”

Yibo tosses the wire and opens the gate for him, answering that this is a basic survival technique.

“I wish I’d known you two years sooner.” Xiao Zhan walks slowly in the school with him. Some people have already started heading towards the classrooms.

“Why?”

“Then I wouldn’t have fallen so pathetically when ditching class.”

“It’s not too late now.”

Half of the guys are still sleeping when they make it back to the dorm. There aren’t that many people in the bathroom either. Xiao Zhan wants to wipe away the sweat that’s been on him the entire night. Yibo wrings the sweat from the towel and has Xiao Zhan lean over the sink. Xiao Zhan sees their vague shadows on the window, swaying. It’s awkward. He lowers his head. Yibo sends the towel from under his armpit.

“You wipe the front yourself? Or do you want me to help?”

“I’ll do it myself.” Xiao Zhan takes the towel and washes it. While wiping, he asks, “What does Xizi plan to do now?”

“Go home. What else can he do?” Yibo splashes water directly onto himself. His boxers (his only article of clothing) sticks to his body after getting wet, revealing a quite grand contour. He continues, “Finish school in some county high school or directly start working. His dad has an auto repair shop that he can help at. I called him last night. His dad knocked a tooth outta him.”

Xiao Zhan inhales sharply. “That’s too much.”

“At least he has someone.”

He doesn’t understand what that means.

“Oh.” Hanging the towel around his neck, Yibo asks him, “Did you finish that drawing?”

“No. Why’re you so impatient?”

“No one’s drawn me before.”

Xiao Zhan’s hand pauses in washing the towel. He’d planned on giving up.

“I’ll show you when I’m done.”

It starts raining endlessly that day and doesn’t stop on the weekend either. Wang Yibo stands before the window, looking at the backstreet. It’s a steep slope and water rushes down like a waterfall.

“My house is gonna flood again.”

“Then are you still going back?” Xiao Zhan asks him from his bed.

“Yeah, have to help my mom move stuff. And go see Xizi.”

After school, Xiao Zhan calls a taxi back. The rain is so hard that it seems to want to penetrate the umbrella. No one would be stupid enough to wait at the school gate.

At night, he’s sharpening a pencil at his desk when Wang Yibo sends him a message. It’s a picture of the reservoir. Xiao Zhan remembers that shore—he saw it in Xizi’s post. It had been peaceful, the setting sun making it look like a seaside painting. The picture that Yibo sends him has angry waves swallowing the shore. The dirt-yellow water connects with the gray sky; there’s not a speck of light.

Xiao Zhan sends Wang Yibo a meme and gets no reply. The next time he gets a message, it’s already midnight. Wang Yibo says that he’s just finished his work, but Xiao Zhan is already asleep. He’s sprawled on the table, a piece of paper under him. For once, he’s drawn a sun.

The rain stops when they go back to school, but the sky is still dreary. It gets hot and humid again too.

Xiao Zhan gets his stitches removed on Tuesday, asking for leave from school and going by himself. The doctor laments again that being young means recovering well.

It’s time for a lab when he gets back, so the classroom is empty. He plans on staying there alone until class is over, but then the homeroom teacher suddenly appears t the door and calls out to him. Xiao Zhan’s hand trembles in fright, almost tearing the paper.

The old man makes him go do the lab, since class has just started. Xiao Zhan puts the drawing in his book and runs out.

He doesn’t go to the lab. Instead, he circles to the old building behind the track and goes to the classroom in the corner of the third floor. He glances in from the window and meets Wang Yibo’s eyes. He shoots him a look; Yibo raises his hand and announces that he has to pee.

Xiao Zhan grins and leaves the classroom. Many students were looking at him before he left, including the girl sitting beside Wang Yibo.

The biology lab room that they used before is close to the classroom. The old building is shaped like a 工. You don’t get any sun as soon as you take a turn and it’s eerie. When Xiao Zhan still had class in this room, he loved the biology lab the most. He always stared at the model of muscles in the back with interest.

There’s a layer of dust on it now. Xiao Zhan sits on a desk and swipes it with a finger, revealing the bright red veins.

“You got the stitches removed?”

“Mn.” Xiao Zhan turns. He takes that piece of paper out of the book and hands it to Yibo.

Yibo freezes when he looks at it. Then he sits beside Xiao Zhan and places the drawing on his knee. After a long silence, he suddenly tells Xiao Zhan that his memory is too good, even to the point of knowing how many moles he has.

“I told you I can draw without even looking at you.” Xiao Zhan points between the brows of the model, then at the collarbone, chest, and abdomen, punctuating each with, “Here, here, and here. Your pecs and abs aren’t bad, but you can practice your arms a bit more.”

Then he turns to look at Yibo and asks if he likes it.

“Yes.” Yibo rolls the drawing up. “Did you end things with the person you said before because of drawing too?”

“Not entirely.” Xiao Zhan bends over. “When I was taking drawing lessons, he always had me use him to practice. Then he suddenly wanted me to draw his nude body and it got more and more disgusting, so I cut ties with him. He started waiting for me after school and following me. I really couldn’t stand it anymore, so I fought with him. My waist injury was from that time. The high school entrance exam came right after I healed. I didn’t feel like drawing in high school anymore.”

Wang Yibo nods at the model. He jumps down and walks before Xiao Zhan. “Let me see your scar.”

“For what?”

“You lift your shirt up yourself so you won’t get grossed out again.”

Xiao Zhan doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he lifts his shirt and leans to the side. He’d just gotten the stitches removed and there’s still a thin layer of gauze. Yibo hooks a finger and pulls it down slightly. Pointing at the fresh scar, he says, “That scar is gone. It’s this one now.”

Understanding what he means, Xiao Zhan laughs until his shoulders are shaking, making Yibo feel awkward. He bares his teeth and slaps Xiao Zhan’s thigh, asking what he’s laughing about.

“Stop laughing.”

“Okay, I’ll stop.”

Xiao Zhan’s eyes are still shiny with tears of laughter. Squeezing off the desk from Yibo’s side, he says that if he was a girl, he’d think that Wang Yibo was trying to flirt with him.

Yibo raises a hand to hit him, but Xiao Zhan dodges and Wang Yibo slaps air. Boyish competitiveness makes Wang Yibo raise his hand again. Xiao Zhan wants to dodge while giving him a hit too, but he crashes into the model. He dodges Yibo’s hand, but the model doesn’t. It’s slapped to the ground and the metal stand falls too, clattering loudly in the room.

By the time the teacher from the office across from the lab pushes the door in, the two boys are still sitting guiltily in the clouds of dust. The teacher calls the dean without hesitation.

They stand in the dean’s office for half an hour, but no one comes to chat with them even when the bell rings. Xiao Zhan leans against the wall, asking Yibo in a whisper if he took the drawing.

Yibo lifts his shirt from behind and Xiao Zhan sees the drawing between his tank top and waistband.

Laughing, Xiao Zhan asks if he has to do it so dramatically and Yibo nods.

When the dean comes in, Xiao Zhan freezes. He is _so_ familiar with the girl behind the dean—it’s his ex. They haven’t met eyes at such in a close distance in a long time, albeit they’re still a few meters apart with one at the entrance and one at the wall.

He’s extremely familiar with the boy too. Back then, Xiao Zhan had pressed this boy against the back gate and broke his glasses, warning him not to take one step towards his girlfriend again. It was _that_ fight that got him the violent label. He fought off the gangster and lost his girlfriend too.

Now, it seems that it’s not the gangster who left.

Life is really full of surprises.

“What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t realize how unnatural his gaze is until Yibo asks him. He takes a step closer and whispers that it’s his ex. “I just realized that I might’ve gotten cheated on.”

It’s Yibo’s turn to laugh; Xiao Zhan makes a face but doesn’t have anything to say.

The dean’s face is red with anger. He stands there, pointing forcefully and his trademark spit comes flying again. He rants about how getting touchy in the corner in broad daylight is so indecent, how he realized these two just won’t learn after discovering them on the track that time, how dating in your last year of high school is just idiotic.

Xiao Zhan sighs. His ex stands so gracefully even when getting scolded, looking up at the dean pitifully.

“When we dated, she blushed even if I held her hand. How is she so brave now?”

“You know what being brave is?” Yibo looks at that girl with his chin jutted.

“What?”

As soon as Xiao Zhan speaks, Wang Yibo grabs his neck from behind and turns his head to the side and presses a kiss onto his lips.

Xiao Zhan hears a soft yelp and sees the girl widen her eyes. The dean turns around and yells at them to stand properly before turning back and continuing his lecturing.

Yibo stands upright as if nothing had just happened, staring forward and grinning proudly at Xiao Zhan’s ex. Xiao Zhan brushes his nose with a finger and starts grinning too, like a prankster who was just caught.

The bell rings again. The dean doesn’t intend to chat with them. He tells them to go back to class and come back after school to clean up the lab. They walk obediently to the office door, but the dean yells for them to run, so they lift their feet immediately and run out.

They reach the first stairwell and aren’t even ten meters from the dean’s office when Yibo is suddenly pulled into the corner by his collar.

Xiao Zhan’s back hits the wall. When he pulls Yibo over, the boy hits him too and his waist injury pangs. Holding Wang Yibo’s face, Xiao Zhan bites his lip.

They’re standing in a stairwell where people can pass by at any time. They can even hear the sound of the teacher talking next door. Yibo hugs him, kissing his upper lip, waiting for him to loosen his bite. Then he opens his mouth and they entangle. Wang Yibo nibbles on those lips, shiny from his kiss, and murmurs, _Aren’t you scared of people seeing?_

“You weren’t scared of me beating you up in that office?” Xiao Zhan replies.

Wang Yibo takes out the creased drawing from his back. It’s an image of him swimming in the reservoir under the setting sun that time he went home. Xiao Zhan drew his body with such detail and it’s like there’s a layer of light on him. He’s making a peace sign and the sun shines behind his back.

“I don’t know when you saw it, but I know you must be the same as me,” Wang Yibo says to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY KISS


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he gets up, Yibo is still dead asleep. Xiao Zhan takes a red string from under his pillow and ties it on Yibo’s wrist before slipping away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hugging the Buddha’s foot at the last moment: idiom for trying at the last moment to salvage something
> 
> tw: there's sex! ;)))

The homeroom teacher decides to use evening study hall to teach with the physics _gaokao_ questions from another province. Xiao Zhan falls asleep. The old man doesn’t show any sign of stopping even when the bell rings. He just picks up the paper and says casually, “Now, let us look at the next question.”

Xiao Zhan looks outside the window. The old man doesn’t close his thermos until there’s not a single person out on the square.

He’d planned on going to the track to see Yibo.

Too lazy to bring his backpack, Xiao Zhan takes his cafeteria card and follows the old man out of the classroom. He hears the old man suddenly ask, _What are you doing here?_

With his backpack slung sideways and hands in his pockets, Wang Yibo leans against the wall outside of the classroom. They meet each other’s eyes. Yibo walks over and tells the old man that he’s here to learn in hopes of getting a good score next time again.

Xiao Zhan tries to hold in his laugh behind the old man. Yibo is probably the first person who can shut the man up.

Yibo isn’t that annoying though. Seeing the old man’s expression darken, he quickly says goodbye to the teacher and leaves. Xiao Zhan separates from his homeroom teacher at the stairwell and walks to Yibo in the shadows.

“You’re dead meat if you fail the next exam.”

Yibo reaches up and kisses him, saying a bit proudly that the old man explained a question incorrectly earlier.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t know if it’s true or not. He didn’t listen at all.

Yibo tells him that, in the future, if Xiao Zhan gets out of class but doesn’t see him, he can go to the track. He’ll always be there. That’s when Xiao Zhan remembers that Yibo would run on the track until lights out before it started raining and go back right before the dorm building closed for curfew.

“You’re pretty perseverant.” Xiao Zhan walks back to the dorm with him.

Yibo suddenly stops. He lifts up his shirt, revealing his abs, and says that he wants to work out. Rolling his eyes, Xiao Zhan pulls the shirt back down. His hand makes its way in and touches Yibo’s stomach.

“You finally touched it, huh?”

“Yes,” Xiao Zhan admits straightforwardly.

He always sees Wang Yibo at night or in the gray dawn. Yibo’s pale skin seems even colder at those times. His palm presses against Yibo’s stomach now; it rises and falls with heat.

There are other people on the street. He caresses subtly and then slides his hand out of the shirt.

The lights had just gone out when they return to the dorm. The teacher taking attendance stands in the hall and yells at them to hurry and wash up. They stand in the bathroom, facing the big window while brushing their teeth. A big commotion sounds from the stairs right across from the bathroom. A teacher with glasses furiously pushes a few guys down and stands them in the hall. He notes down all of their names and classes, and calls each of their homeroom teachers.

From that day on, there’s a new lock to the rooftop and the bathroom starts filling with the smell of smoke on days when the teachers don’t take attendance. When the entire building quiets down, Wang Yibo jumps down from bed and pulls Xiao Zhan out. He creeps over and silently picks the lock.

Following him, Xiao Zhan says that they can have people pay an entrance fee. Yibo’s lips curl as he closes the door. Grabbing Xiao Zhan’s waist, he pushes Xiao Zhan to the wall and says in his ears, “Enter for what? To watch us?”

Xiao Zhan thought he’s just here to smoke, but he feels around Yibo’s thigh and doesn’t find the cigarettes or lighter.

His head hurts from getting pressed onto the wall, but Yibo is still coaxing him, kissing so tightly that even his saliva can’t leak out.

No one will ever yell at them to squat down or shut up anymore. Up here, it's only them and the sky covered with stars.

“The first time you came to find me, you still acted like a homophobe.”

Wang Yibo touches Xiao Zhan’s back, from the neck to the waist. Xiao Zhan’s shirt is half lifted and Yibo tightens the embrace.

“I _was_ a homophobe.” Xiao Zhan looks down at the scar covered by Yibo’s arm. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t be deep in the closet.”

The scar is already healed; it’s a shade darker than before. It tickles for Yibo to cut into his waist like this and he huffs softly.

They’ve touched and hugged quite a few times this week—their legs entangled and lower bodies pressed against each other. Yibo has touched practically his entire body and knows where he’s the most sensitive. Xiao Zhan lifts his head, asking the person who’s burying a kiss in his neck, what if someone from the opposite building watches them?

“Then let them watch something good.”

Seeing Yibo squat down, Xiao Zhan grabs his hair in slight panic, saying that’s too crazy. Yibo moves his hand aside. Lifting his shirt, Yibo pulls him closer and presses his lips to the scar on the side of his waist. Then his hot tongue slides across, making Xiao Zhan shudder in his arms.

“You’re hard.” Yibo looks at him. “Got it. You like this.”

“Then what do you like?” Xiao Zhan rests his arm on Yibo’s shoulder and looks down on the person still squatting there.

With an arched back, flushed cheeks, and lowered eyes, Xiao Zhan looks gentler than usual. Yibo stands up and licks his bunny teeth, saying, “I don’t know. Find it yourself.”

They rest against the wall, looking at the dark school around them. Yibo rubs the back of Xiao Zhan’s hand with a finger, saying that they should go kiss in the busiest, brightest place someday. Xiao Zhan laughs, telling him to wait a few years. At that time, they can come out of the closet and make the headlines directly.

School is out for the weekend again. When the last class ends, the old man tells them to get ready for the monthly exam next week as casually as giving out a homework assignment. No one in the class reacts. Other than Xiao Zhan and one or two other underdogs who suddenly rose up in the second semester of last year, the rest of these students have been immersed in exams since they childhood.

Laying on the desk, Xiao Zhan stretches his legs. He watches the people swarm out of the old building on the other side, wondering what Wang Yibo will do.

Xiao Zhan’s dad picks him up with his car today. He brings Xiao Zhan to dinner because some distant cousin just came back from overseas. He’s a finance major and his business is doing amazing, so he came to get praised by the entire family.

At the dinner table, Xiao Zhan once again gets asked by his dad about his plans for the future. He can talk to his cousin. Xiao Zhan’s mouth is still stuffed with meat, so he just nods politely. His cousin’s hand moves constantly, gesticulating in the air faster than he can talk. In the time that it takes for Xiao Zhan to swallow that mouthful of meat, his cousin has already planned out his life for him.

Where he should go for college, what major to study, what master’s degree to get, where to get a PhD if he has the abilities, where he can be arranged to get a job when he comes back, how many tens of thousands he’ll earn each year, the economic development in China in the next decade… He outlines all of this. Xiao Zhan just rests his hand on his thigh and nods.

Actually, he just wants to open a bakery, but making money is nice too. You need money to talk about the poetics of life. He voluntarily pulls out his phone to get his cousin’s contact info. After that long speech, he stabs at the meat on his plate with a fork, thinking that if he lives out his life like this, he should at least make some more money before coming out of the closet to his parents.

The monthly exam is on Friday. When Wang Yibo doesn’t run on the track, he stands outside Xiao Zhan’s class to wait for his class to end. The elite class always goes over the bell for an hour. The old man runs into Yibo a few more times and Yibo really brings a physics textbook to put up the act. He flips it open when the old man tells him to go back.

The first time, the old man furrows his brows and leaves. The second time, he can’t help but tell Yibo that hugging the Buddha’s foot at the last moment is useless.

Xiao Zhan comes out of the classroom with his backpack. Glancing over, he asks if he’s done hugging the Buddha’s foot. Yibo shoves the book into his bag and puts an arm around Xiao Zhan’s shoulder, saying, _I don’t hug that. It’s not as reliable as hugging you._

There’s no morning study hall on exam days, so everyone in the dorm wakes up late. Xiao Zhan still has to go though. His classroom isn’t used as the testing room, so his homeroom teacher would still sit at the podium on time and read his newspaper.

When he gets up, Yibo is still dead asleep. Xiao Zhan takes a red string from under his pillow and ties it on Yibo’s wrist before slipping away.

He was sick the few days before the high school entrance exam, so his mom gave him this red string. He did unexpectedly well on the exam, so Xiao Zhan felt that it’s quite useful.

There’s only half an hour of break after the first exam. This time, the rooms are arranged according to the grades of the mock exam. As expected, Dashu and Wang Yibo are in the same room again, but Dashu is in the first seat while Yibo is in the last.

Dashu runs across the entire building to go pee with Xiao Zhan. He gleefully tells Xiao Zhan that his homeroom teacher really did move a stool next to Wang Yibo and sat there the whole time.

This doesn’t surprise Xiao Zhan. He heard in previous years that the old man really can do this kind of thing.

Xiao Zhan goes to find Yibo after the comprehensive science exam in the afternoon, asking him how he did. Yibo stretches out his arm before Xiao Zhan’s face and waves the red string on his wrist. He grins happily. Xiao Zhan bares his teeth and slaps his arm away.

“You believe in this stuff?”

“It’s just a superstition. My family goes to the temple every year and donates too. It’s not about believing or not. It just has to work.”

The next time Xiao Zhan sees Yibo is after the exams end Saturday afternoon. The English letters printed onto his face are a testament to how nicely he slept during the English exam. Yibo shakes his still-sleepy head, saying that he can’t understand at all. It works better than sleeping pills for him. Xiao Zhan ignores him. Dashu is waiting for Xiao Zhan in the square before the building; Yibo says that he has to go home and help.

They separate at the school entrance. Xiao Zhan continues to wait in this group; Wang Yibo’s waits for the van in that group.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t know what Yibo’s family does. He seems to be really busy every week. They’ve never talked about that kind of topic before and he’s only heard Yibo mention his mom once or twice.

The van comes—the driver is still that older boy who messes with Yibo’s hair as usual. When the van drives past Xiao Zhan, Yibo calls out that he’s leaving and Xiao Zhan nods. The girl in the backseat moves her gaze from the back of Yibo’s head to Xiao Zhan. He freezes. He hasn’t noticed her in a long time, maybe due to Yibo, and he smiles at her for the first time. It’s an awkward smile, because he doesn’t know why he’s smiling. It’s just out of politeness for his boyfriend’s friend.

Xiao Zhan goes home at night after drinking and feels even drunker after a hot shower. He lies in bed and calls Yibo to tell him how annoying Dashu was. The boy got drunk and fought with his girlfriend and insisted on hugging and kissing Xiao Zhan.

He calls many times, but no one picks up. He doesn’t get a reply for his messages either. Xiao Zhan’s temper comes with his headache. A while later Wang Yibo calls back. He picks up and says angrily, _I fucking thought you died._

But a woman’s voice comes from the other end of the call. Xiao Zhan sobers up.

It’s Wang Yibo’s mom, saying that Yibo didn’t come back this week. Xiao Zhan hurriedly apologies and hangs up to call Xizi. Xizi said that Yibo fought with his mom last week. On the way home this week, he fought with his mom through phone and went back to school.

Xiao Zhan puts his phone down on his stomach and turns to look at the clock on the wall. It’s 11. The school allows third-year students to stay in the dorm on weekends, but the gate closes at 11 at night. He puts on his clothes and backpack and changes his shoes at the door. His dad asks what he’s doing in the dead of night. Squatting there, tying his shoelaces, Xiao Zhan says that he’s going back to school. He did a test problem wrong and can’t sleep.

“I’ll drive you.”

Xiao Zhan stands outside the building, waiting for his dad. He knows that his dad is just making sure he won't mess around, but he’s happy to save the taxi money.

The school guard knows him. The guard’s daughter is in his class and he thinks everyone must be an angel like her. Xiao Zhan doesn’t even have to say anything for the gate to open. Only a few windows in the old dorm building are still on. The building teacher sits on the bed, eating dried seeds, and doesn’t pay much attention to Xiao Zhan.

Panting for breath, he pushes the door open. The lights are on, but the beds are empty. Just as he’s wondering where Yibo is, someone presses to his back, hugging his waist, and pushes him in.

“How come you’re here?” Yibo asks him after putting his basin under the bed and holding onto the bunk bed’s railing. He is shirtless, clad only in boxers.

“You can not go home, so how come I can’t come?” Xiao Zhan sits onto the bed and looks up at him. “I called you, but it didn’t go through. Your mom called back, saying that you didn’t go home. What did you argue about?”

Frowning, Yibo asks if his mom told him; Xiao Zhan shakes his head, answering that he’d asked Xizi.

“We fight a lot.”

“For two whole weeks?”

“She won’t let me do what I want, so we fought. Lost my temper just like that.” Yibo sits down beside Xiao Zhan.

Xiao Zhan nods. He understands this feeling. His parents didn’t like him drawing before either. They didn’t force him to stop, but when he gave it up in high school, they were clearly relieved.

“Then, what do you want to do?”

“I want to get into police academy. She wants me to go to university.”

Xiao Zhan widens his eyes and leans back. “You? Be a cop? You fight every day. They won’t want you.”

“Who’s seen me fight before?” Yibo sits with his legs crossed and stares hard at him.

Xiao Zhan thinks. Admittedly, the answer is no one. He knows that Yibo fought twice—both with Liu Chao. But Liu Chao still hasn’t come to them again and Yibo’s only misdemeanor in school is that suspected cheating.

He thinks that Wang Yibo might be serious.

“Is this why you say you can’t have any scars?” Xiao Zhan puts a hand on Yibo’s body, pressing down on his ribs.

This body indeed has no injuries.

Yibo nods.

“What about you?”

“I never thought about it. Don’t have anything I really like either. Maybe after I get into university, I’ll do whatever that has a good future and makes good money.”

Yibo looks down at his hand. “When you told me that you like the human body, I thought you wanna be a doctor. I even planned on donating my body for you to research.”

“What the fuck are you saying?” Xiao Zhan slaps him.

“I don’t want that anymore though.” He scoots forward and hugs Xiao Zhan. “Can’t let you see me die.”

“A person doesn’t die that easily,” Xiao Zhan murmurs, chin resting on Yibo’s shoulder.

He’s basically never experienced death in his life. The injuries he suffered only leave scars on his body. The elders in his family are all aging gracefully and he doesn’t have any feelings for those extremely distant relatives. With Wang Yibo’s back enclosed in his arms, such a warm and pulsating person in his hold, it’s even harder to imagine.

“Did you drink?” Yibo asks him.

“Mn.”

“Your body is so hot.”

Xiao Zhan laughs. He turns his head and kisses Yibo’s ear, sticks his tongue out to lick the vein bulging on his neck. Yibo hugs him tighter. His hand reaches into Xiao Zhan’s shirt, slowly moving down to his ass. Hugging Yibo’s neck, Xiao Zhan kisses him, pecking at his lips again and again. He kisses Yibo’s chin and then pulls his hair, tilting his head back, and holds the Adam’s apple in his mouth.

Wang Yibo’s Adam’s apple is beautiful. Xiao Zhan noticed this on the first day. He thinks that he likes every part of Yibo’s body—even before they got together. Maybe it started the first time he saw Yibo’s bare body.

If he doesn’t like him, then having his corpse would be nice too. Xiao Zhan leaves a bite mark on his Adam’s apple.

Looking at the thing hard against him below, he says, _Oh, so you like this?_

“Like what? You licking my Adam’s apple?”

“Mn.”

Yibo’s lip curls up into a soft smile. “That’s not what I like. I like fucking you.”

Xiao Zhan looks at his eyes and neither of them speaks. Then Yibo bites his lip and asks, “What are you thinking about? Breaking up with me after we get our grades tomorrow?”

Xiao Zhan suddenly lets go of the hug and practically strangles Yibo, pressing him down to the bed. He rides Yibo and looking down, he says, “I’ll fuck you to death if you don’t pass.”

Yibo’s eyes brighten and he agrees without hesitation. Laying there, he reaches into Xiao Zhan’s pants, asking if he wants to strip. Xiao Zhan doesn’t answer. He lifts his arms and takes off the t-shirt. Lowering himself, he pushes down Yibo’s head and kisses him. Yibo tugs Xiao Zhan’s pants down and touches the hard dick. Pressing against Yibo’s forehead, soft moans come out of Xiao Zhans throat. Yibo licks his lips, saying, _This part is hotter than any other part of your body._

Xiao Zhan sways and rubs in Yibo’s hand. No one has touched his dick before, other than his own hand. Now, Yibo is holding it, caressing the tip with evil intention. He clenches his jaw, feeling like he’s about to come already.

Wang Yibo pushes him down and buries himself between Xiao Zhan’s legs, capturing the red dick in his mouth. Arching back, Xiao Zhan curses. He holds down Yibo’s head and thrusts forward, saying that he’s about to come. Yibo releases his dick and moves up and down until Xiao Zhan comes shakily in his hand.

“This much?” Yibo opens his hand to show him.

Flushed red, Xiao Zhan takes some tissues from the bedside for him. As the milky white substance slides down his wrist, Xiao Zhan notices that Yibo is still wearing that red string.

“Take it off.” Xiao Zhan points at it.

“No.” Yibo wipes his hands clean and rises from the bed. He tugs down his pants and digs out another red string from the pockets. Pulling Xiao Zhan’s leg over, he ties it onto his ankle. “I bought it from a street stall on the way back. It’s not as pretty as yours, but it’ll manage for now.”

Xiao Zhan shakes his leg. “How come there’s a bell?”

“Isn’t it nice with a bell?” Yibo lifts Xiao Zhan’s legs onto his shoulders and pushes him down. “It’ll jingle when I fuck you. I wonder if it’s as pretty as your moans.”

Neither of them had sex before. Tears flow down Xiao Zhan’s cheeks and whenever he cries that it hurts, Yibo would rub his waist and coax him until an entire patch on his waist is red from rubbing. Then Yibo lies on him, sucking on his hard nipple. He licks it and then holds it between his teeth, and it feels even worse for Xiao Zhan.

The entire room and his body smells like Yibo’s mint shampoo. Xiao Zhan hugs Yibo, burying his face in the crook of his neck. He rubs the tip of his nose against Yibo’s sideburns—his nose turns red. Yibo thrusts gently and, cupping his cheeks, asks him why he’s crying again. He starts to kiss Xiao Zhan, saying that he’s pretty when he cries.

Xiao Zhan feels like he’s about to die. He curses at himself—it’s quite easy to die, actually. His ass feels like it’s on fire and it’s like his entire body is electrocuted when Yibo hits that one spot. When his hold tightens, Yibo knows that he’s fucked the right place and thrusts even harder.

The old metal bed creaks, the bell on his ankle jingles crisply. Xiao Zhan whimpers for him to go slower, but this boy has already gone crazy. He holds Xiao Zhan’s body in a death grip, slamming in as loudly as possible.

Wang Yibo straightens slightly. He touches Xiao Zhan’s leg and grasps his ankle, lifting it up. He looks down at where their bodies intersect and says, _Gege is so good at taking._

Xiao Zhan doesn’t have the energy to yell at him anymore. _Gege_ sounds a bit dirty to his ears and he can’t help but squeeze.

“Don’t bite. I’m not about to come.” Yibo slaps his ass. “I’ll give it all to you.”

Yibo grabs his ass and starts touching his upper thigh. It’s ticklish and Xiao Zhan involuntarily tries to close his legs, but Yibo forces him back apart by his ankles.

Xiao Zhan opens his eyes. Vision slightly unfocused, he watches Yibo’s hands that are gripping his ankles. The red string on the wrist rests on the one on his ankle. The bell keeps ringing and he can’t tell which string is which.

The upper bunk is a bit too low and Yibo keeps hitting his head. He sprawls down again, burying into his crook and breathlessly saying his name.

“Did you know? That night you stared at me, I wanted to fuck you in bed just like this.”

Xiao Zhan can’t even talk anymore. He just hooks Yibo’s neck and kisses him. The bell jingles cheerily in their ears, deep into the night.

They don’t even know when they fall asleep or when they wake up again. Outside, someone is banging on the metal door. Yibo’s leg is still on Xiao Zhan; they’re deep asleep in a pile of entangled limbs.

“Someone’s here. Get up,” Xiao Zhan croaks, patting Yibo’s face.

Yibo sits up, groaning. The banging on the door gets more aggressive.

“Shut the fuck up,” Yibo curses, leaning against the wall.

Xiao Zhan’s entire body aches. He finds a shirt on the bed and tosses it at Yibo without even looking at whose it is and tells Yibo to open the door. He picks up the tissues on the ground and stuffs them in a plastic bag, planning on tossing it into the bathroom later. Thankfully, Yibo poured an entire bottle of shampoo last night. The minty scent in the room covers the smell of cum completely. Xiao Zhan sits on the bed, frowning at the dirty sheets. He strips it all and stuffs it into the bag too.

The person who comes in looks at them and sniffs, asking if they showered in this room or something. Ignoring him, Xiao Zhan lies down, tosses the trash at Yibo, and falls back asleep.

He doesn’t wake up until nighttime. Someone set an alarm on the phone he brought over from home. It should be time for class.

Xiao Zhan gets to the classroom with an empty stomach. The test paper has already been passed out and he looks tiredly at the grade—it’s about the same as last time.

The old man stays after the bell again and Xiao Zhan’s stomach keeps growling. He’d messed around until midnight without eating or even drinking anything.

The old man walks out of the classroom while lecturing. Xiao Zhan strains his neck, thinking that class is over and he can get a midnight snack at the cafeteria. But then the old man just stands at the doorway and says, _Come in and listen_ , and returns.

When Xiao Zhan sees Wang Yibo behind the door, he’s still a bit surprised. Yibo doesn’t sit in the front, saying that he’s afraid of disturbing the others. He circles around and sits down beside Xiao Zhan.

“What’s going on?”

“What do you mean what’s going on?” Yibo unrolls his test before Xiao Zhan and juts his chin out for the other boy to look.

Xiao Zhan arches an eyebrow. Yibo’s score is only one point lower than his class’s number one.

“You owe me a cigarette.”

“Smoking too much will make you dumb.” Xiao Zhan looks at his test. He really can’t believe someone can have such different scores on different subjects.

With his head bowed, Yibo whispers that if Xiao Zhan doesn’t want to give him a cigarette, he can change it to a condom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translating smut is hard bc it's so diff in chinese asdfasdf
> 
> but anyway, xz with a red string and a bell on his ankle is a+  
> and abyssjin really has a thing for shampoo during sex lmao


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the dark, Yibo asks him again what he wished for. Xiao Zhan slaps his arm. “I told you, I can’t say it. Let’s go back.”
> 
> “I think it’s definitely related to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- erben: 2nd-tier uni. chinese universities are separated into 3 tiers  
> \- october holiday: aka national holiday, it's the 1st week of october  
> \- liu: six  
> \- tsinghua and PKU: tsinghua (qinghua) and peking (beijing) are the top 2 chinese unis  
> \- AD calcium: idk the english name, but it's a milk drink for kids that wyb apparently likes drinking? idk lol

Xiao Zhan slept for the entire day, so he can’t fall asleep at all at night. His phone is almost out of battery, but he’s still wide awake.

Everyone else in the room is asleep; Wang Yibo is silent as ever in the upper bunk. Xiao Zhan raises a leg to nudge the wooden boards up. Yibo sticks his head out from the top, asking him what he’s doing.

“Come down.”

Using the railing as support, Yibo jumps directly onto Xiao Zhan’s bed. Xiao Zhan moves to the side a little so Yibo can lay down. The two of them are only clad in boxers for sleeping—with arms against arms, legs against legs, the fire ignites quickly. Xiao Zhan pulls the blanket over his body and Yibo starts squeezing the soft flesh on his thigh.

“Did it feel good yesterday?”

“You can try and feel it yourself.” Xiao Zhan turns, closing in on Yibo’s hand so he can’t touch around.

“You cried so much your eyes turned red. Like a bunny.” Yibo frees his hand and reaches it out to Xiao Zhan’s hand. “I had a bunny before. I fed it food every day and it still bit me—right here, between the thumb and forefinger. It took more than a week to heal.”

Xiao Zhan licks that area with the tip of his tongue. Yibo grips his chin and takes in his soft tongue, and Xiao Zhan pulls the blanket over their heads. Thankfully, the fatty in the dorm is snoring so loudly that even they can’t hear the kisses themselves. Yibo reaches to the back of Xiao Zhan’s head and takes his phone to take a picture of them kissing. The light flashes. All that is captured in the picture is their kissing mouths—Xiao Zhan’s lips in his, the mole under his lip extremely eye-catching.

Yibo sends the picture to his own QQ. Xiao Zhan takes the phone, saying, “You’re so bad at taking pictures.”

With that, he makes Yibo close his eyes and takes a picture of his side profile. Half in the light, half in the shadows. The vaguely exposed collarbone still has kiss marks left by Xiao Zhan yesterday.

Xiao Zhan sends that picture over too.

“Where you going for break?”

“There’s nowhere to go.” Resting his head on his arms, Xiao Zhan thinks for a bit. “Eat, drink, have fun.”

“Go back with me and have fun?”

“In the county?”

Yibo nods. “If we go back now, we can still go in the water. After this half month, it’ll be too cold.”

“Okay.”

It’s the October Holiday after this week. The third-year students only get three days off. This week, Wang Yibo gets called in by the old man to listen to the lecture as soon as he comes to find Xiao Zhan, so he’s kind of scared. Instead of waiting at the classroom, he changes to the stairwell. But even when he chats with Dashu there, he can still get caught by the old man from afar.

Seeing Yibo get brought in again, Xiao Zhan holds in his laughter. As soon as Yibo sits down, the old man hands him the test paper and walks away without saying anything.

Yibo asks Xiao Zhan what this is. Xiao Zhan points with his pen, saying that these are test questions that the old man found. Only this class gets them. Yibo nods. Everyone else in the room is hunched over, filling out the answers, and the old man glares at these two whenever they make the tiniest sound. Yibo takes a pen from Xiao Zhan’s bag and hunches over to write as well.

The questions on this mock exam are quite tricky. Apparently, they’re discarded questions from the _gaokao_. Tired from calculating, Xiao Zhan looks at Yibo. His pen is all covered in craters from Yibo’s teeth and he can even hear the cracking sounds. Yibo is frowning while staring at the problems. The only movement on his entire face is his mouth. Xiao Zhan witnesses Yibo chew on the pen, snap it, and bite down on his own tongue.

Yibo spits out the plastic and turns around to return the pen to Xiao Zhan. “Give me another one," he says shamelessly.

Eye twitching, Xiao Zhan ignores him, but the boy digs out a pen on his own accord and continues to chew on it.

The old man stops Wang Yibo after class, wanting to see his paper. Yibo only finished two big problems. The old man looks at it expressionlessly and nods, returning the paper. He tells Yibo to finish the paper when he has time and also put in some effort on the other subjects. Don’t fail every single time.

On the way back, Xiao Zhan asks Yibo if he purposely fails the other subjects or something. Yibo just shakes his head. He says he really can’t do the other subjects and isn’t interested in learning either.

“Then how come you’re so good at physics?”

“My brother taught me.”

It’s Xiao Zhan’s first time hearing that he has a brother, but Yibo shakes his head. “Not actual brother. He’s my neighbor. We grew up together. He’s smarter than me and can do everything. You’ll meet him when you come this time.”

On Friday, Dashu goes to find Xiao Zhan, inviting him to go river rafting over the October Holiday. That’s when Xiao Zhan remembers that he’s agreed to spend the holiday with Dashu before school even started. He weighs both sides and tells Dashu he has other plans. Dashu nags and forces it out of Xiao Zhan that he’s going to hang out with Wang Yibo, so the boy clings onto him, asking if he got close with Wang Yibo from fighting together or sleeping together in the same room. Xiao Zhan kicks him, telling him to fuck off.

When they get to the first floor, Yibo happens to come over to him from the old building. Dashu asks where he’s taking Xiao Zhan. Yibo glances at Xiao Zhan and then asks Dashu if he’s going. Dashu pulls his arm back awkwardly, saying that they already have plans, but next time, Yibo has to treat them. After all, they helped him fight last time.

Yibo nods, saying that he remembers.

Dashu and the others leave; Xiao Zhan and Yibo go to the school entrance. The van that picks them up usually is already waiting there.

When he climbs in, everyone in the car looks at him. Yibo pats that girl, telling her to sit in the front while he sits next to Xiao Zhan in the back.

“Who’s this?” the driver asks, turning around.

“He’s hanging out at my house,” Yibo answers. Then he tells Xiao Zhan, “That’s my brother. Call him Wang Qiang.”

Xiao Zhan knows that this must be the brother that Yibo mentioned before. The air conditioning is horrible in this van, so all the windows are rolled down. With a cap and mask on, Wang Qiang looks at him and Xiao Zhan’s heart squeezes. How come that girl with Yibo and this Wang Qiang both make him shudder when they meet eyes?

“Qiang-ge, I’m his roommate, Xiao Zhan.” He immediately disguises the sliver of discomfort and smiles at Wang Qiang.

Wang Qiang smiles with crinkled eyes and welcomes him. His eyes are big and look quite friendly when smiling. Xiao Zhan feels more comfortable inside.

They drive off. Xiao Zhan met the people in the car during the fight with Liu Chao and they easily fall into conversation. The girl turns to look whenever there’s a commotion in the back and Xiao Zhan can see her as soon as he lifts his eyes. Yibo snatches a piece of candy from the seat in front of him and hits the girl’s forehead, saying, “Wang Liuliu, what did I tell you?”

She gives an “oh” and turns back around, resting her head on the window. Laughing, Wang Qiang asks Yibo, “What did you tell her?”

“Nothing.”

Wang Qiang doesn’t ask further. Xiao Zhan sees him pat Wang Liuliu’s head. He suddenly feels like maybe he’s a bit too sensitive, but he truly dislikes how she looks at him.

Xiao Zhan has never been to the county. Practically the entire journey follows the river—it extends forward even when they stop at the reservoir near Yibo’s house.

It’s not dark out yet. The sun is just setting and Xiao Zhan thinks of that picture of Yibo in the water. It must’ve been taken at around this time. Even the sun’s position is about the same.

Yibo wants to get off at the reservoir. Wang Qiang asks why he isn’t going home first, but Yibo pulls Xiao Zhan out and answers that he’ll go back later. Once his mom starts nagging, they won't be able to get out until hours later.

Everyone in the car gets out. Wang Liuliu wants to follow them, but Wang Qiang drags her away.

Xiao Zhan follows them to the waterside. He’s just taken off his socks when the other guys have already started splashing water around. Yibo stands beside him, stripping down to only his boxers. Looking at him, Xiao Zhan hesitates if he should strip too. Yibo stands there, waiting with his hands on his waist. He tells Xiao Zhan to stop staring. He can stare as much as he wants at night.

Xiao Zhan ignores him. He takes off his shirt but not his pants. Yibo walks into the water before him while saying, “You’re gonna take those pants off sooner or later. Trust me.”

Xiao Zhan thinks that he’s just making a dirty joke, but their baggy school uniform pants hold in too much water and sags as soon as he stands up. He decides to just take off his pants in the water and tosses it onto land before wading into the water.

Fortunately, it’s still muggy and hot. The sun is powerful too, so the water isn’t that chilly. Xiao Zhan’s goosebumps die down after soaking in the water for a bit. The sand underfoot is soft—he can bury his feet in it. He’s never swam in these kinds of places before. In fact, he’s barely gone into water at all. If he does swim, it’s in the chlorinated pools. Xiao Zhan pushes his toes forward, burying his foot entirely. Suddenly, someone calls his name, asking where Wang Yibo is.

“I don’t know.”

He looks around and doesn’t see Yibo. They came into the water together earlier, but Yibo swam off when he was getting used to the water temperature. The guys are all calling Yibo’s name and Xiao Zhan can see that they’re panicking too. There’s no response to the calls. He wants to pull his foot out, but he’s buried it in too deeply and he falls forward from losing his balance. He thinks that he must’ve tripped, but when his head goes underwater, he sees that two hands have grasped his thigh when he didn’t notice.

His head suddenly breaks out of water and he’s riding on Yibo’s neck. Before he can blink the water out of his eyes, he’s tossed into the water again. When he comes back out, there’s explosive laughter all around him. The guys who pretended to look for Yibo are laughing the loudest. Yibo stands on his side, grinning shamelessly. He holds onto Xiao Zhan’s arm, asking if he choked on water. Xiao Zhan swears at him and hooks his neck, dragging him into the water again.

Yibo is obviously a better swimmer than him. How can he beat Yibo in the water? Yibo turns and slips out of his arms, then he pushes Xiao Zhan into the water and kisses him.

Xiao Zhan knows how romantic this looks in dramas, but he exhales all the oxygen when Yibo kisses him. Other than the asphyxiation and a mouth full of sand, he doesn’t feel anything else.

He pushes Yibo’s face aside and swims away. Fortunately, the group is far away from them, not paying any attention after the prank. Yibo pops out of the water, waving his hand, saying that dramas are all full of lies. Xiao Zhan is still spitting out sand and doesn’t have the energy to argue anymore. What kind of drama would film a kiss scene in a dirt-yellow river?

The sun is setting and the group gets on land to go back. Yibo tells them to go first, while he pulls Xiao Zhan to dry land, finding a flat place to sit. He wipes his hands clean on his own shirt and pulls out the picture that Xiao Zhan drew of him. He covered the four sides with tape. Holding it up, he asks Xiao Zhan if it’s here.

“No.” Xiao Zhan drinks some soda. “It’s when we first got here. The sun was right at that point. It’s down now though.”

Xiao Zhan takes the drawing and stuffs it inside Yibo’s backpack. Then he pulls out his phone and has Yibo sit in the same spot in the water. He takes a picture of Yibo with the last shred of the setting sun.

It’s completely dark when they get back. Yibo’s home is a two-story house that they’d built themselves—big and empty. Yibo’s mom doesn’t know that Xiao Zhan would be coming. Her stern face—ready to scold Yibo—softens with a smile as soon as she sees Xiao Zhan and she says that she’ll go cook dinner for them.

After thanking her, Xiao Zhan follows Yibo upstairs to shower. He stands under the showerhead, watching Yibo who is washing his hair with his eyes closed. When Yibo opens them, their eyes meet squarely.

“Gege, you're this hungry?”

Yibo stretches his head under the showerhead to rinse off the soap suds. Xiao Zhan tugs at his hair, saying, “I feel like your mom is different from this place.”

“How different?” Yibo is still rinsing with his eyes closed and head lowered.

“Just… not from here.”

“She’s not from here. She followed my dad here.” Yibo raises his head and pushes his hair back. Before Xiao Zhan can ask, he says straightforwardly, “My dad left a long time ago.”

Xiao Zhan nods wordlessly. When he entered this home, he could already somewhat feel the signs that this house only has a woman and a high school boy.

After showering, Xiao Zhan puts on the clothes that Yibo gave him. They’re all loose athletic clothes and the cotton is comfortable against his skin. Yibo’s mom calls them down to eat. No one speaks at the round table. Yibo just focuses on shoveling food down; Xiao Zhan chews on his chopsticks, wanting to say something, but they only say a few sentences of small talk before Yibo finishes his food.

Yibo’s mom doesn’t put any food in Xiao Zhan’s bowl. She just tells him which dishes are tasty, telling him to eat more, and Xiao Zhan finds it comfortable. Yibo lies on the sofa, playing on his phone. His mom asks Xiao Zhan which college he plans on going to, but Xiao Zhan shakes his head, saying he hasn’t thought about it yet.

“Wang Yibo’s not good at studying. Please look after him and teach him.”

Xiao Zhan opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. What she said doesn’t feel right, but he can’t pinpoint what feels wrong. He can only smile and nod.

“He’s going to Tsinghua and PKU. He doesn’t have time to look after me.”

Yibo tosses his phone onto the sofa and stands up to clear the table, bringing the dishes and chopsticks to the kitchen to wash. His mom glares at him and spanks his butt.

While Xiao Zhan peels an orange, Yibo’s mom sits there, telling him that she knows Yibo’s grades aren’t good enough to get into a good university, but she still hopes he can help Yibo. Getting into any university will at least be better than going directly to a police academy after graduating. Xiao Zhan chews his orange quietly. It’s too sour, but he doesn’t dare make a face. Forcing it down, he finally says that if Yibo wants to be a policeman, going to the police academy would be easier. Plus, he feels that Yibo is quite stubborn. He probably wouldn’t be willing and being a policeman isn’t bad either.

His mom nods, saying that she knows. She’s just afraid he’ll be in danger.

When Yibo comes out, his mom stands up, telling them to have fun, and goes upstairs to sleep. Yibo jumps onto the sofa. Wrapping an arm around Xiao Zhan’s waist, he asks what they talked about. Xiao Zhan looks at the staircase, scared that his mom would come back down, and tries to pry Yibo’s arm off.

“Just your studies. She wants me to help you and said she hopes you’ll go to university. Let go. What if she sees?” Then he stops and looks at Yibo. “It feels like she trusts me.”

“She knows I’m gay.” Yibo looks at Xiao Zhan’s widened eyes. “So she probably knows who you are.”

At night, they lie in bed, hugging for a while. Yibo lifts up Xiao Zhan’s shirt, wanting to have sex, but they suddenly hear a door open outside. His mom goes to the bathroom and then back to her room. There’s only one wall between the two rooms. The two boys struggle a bit before deciding to discontinue.

Xiao Zhan lies in bed, asking if Yibo has dated another guy before. Yibo says no.

“Then how did you come out of the closet?”

“You don’t have to date a guy to know you like guys.” Yibo’s arm is under Xiao Zhan’s head. He plays with the hair, saying, “I don’t keep any secrets from her. I’m already trying hard to reassure her. I have to go to the police academy.”

“Actually, you can apply to the public security university. It’s the same.”

“It’s too hard.”

Xiao Zhan purses his lips. With Yibo’s current level, he can get into the police academy without much effort. But public security universities are formal _erben_ schools and he’s far from that. He’d thought about making Yibo participate in some physics competitions before. If he gets first or second place, it might give him some brownie points, but he didn’t think that Yibo would be so determined to be a cop.

“If you go to a police academy, you’ll have to stay here," he says, looking at Yibo. "But I’m definitely leaving after graduation. We’ll separate.” 

Yibo stares at the ceiling and is quiet for a while. He tells Xiao Zhan to let him think.

They don’t eat dinner at home on the second. Yibo takes him to go see Xizi. Wang Qiang happens to bring the van over, saying that the chassis has a problem and Xizi is fixing it.

Wang Liuliu is with Wang Qiang. She hands Xiao Zhan a bottle of water, which he thanks her for. She smiles as she goes back and Wang Qiang tugs her ponytail. Pulling her to his side, he asks her, _Happy now? You’re happy?_

It sounds like Wang Qiang is teasing her. Only his crinkled eyes are revealed; the rest of his face is hidden under the mask.

Xizi comes out from under the car. Seeing Xiao Zhan, he immediately hugs him and soon, his eyes are filled with tears. He pats Xiao Zhan’s back, thanking him for being a bro and even getting into a fight for him. Xiao Zhan holds back from saying that he actually did it for Wang Yibo. They hug for a bit and when they separate, there are some stained patches on the white t-shirt. Yibo, mouth stuffed with a banana, picks up a pamphlet from the table and slaps Xizi, saying that’s his fucking shirt.

Seeing so many people here, Xizi’s dad lets him leave. Wang Qiang offers to treat them to a meal and tells them to get into the van. He walks to Xiao Zhan’s side and puts a hand over his shoulder. It’s Wang Yibo’s first time bringing a friend over, so _ge_ will treat him to whatever he wants to eat. Wang Qiang ruffles his hair, like how he usually does to Yibo.

The older boy drives them straight to the restaurant and opens a private room. Yibo gives Xiao Zhan the menu, saying he can order whatever he wants. This restaurant belongs to Wang Qiang’s family.

Xiao Zhan suddenly remembers how he thought the van was for transporting pork the first time he saw it.

They open many bottles of liquor. Wang Qiang doesn't come, saying it’s too busy right now and he has to work downstairs, but Xiao Zhan is flushed red and Wang Liuliu is extremely excited. She discovers that Xiao Zhan loves hearing gossip about Yibo’s childhood and embarrassing moments. Whenever she talks about it, Xiao Zhan would respond and even smile at her. She purposely exaggerates and speaks dramatically. Meanwhile, Yibo just buries his face in his food, letting her say whatever as long as she doesn’t completely make stuff up.

Xiao Zhan is really into the stories. When Xizi and Wang Liuliu have exposed practically all of Yibo’s life, Wang Qiang comes in. He asks if they have enough to eat or want to order more. He’s looking at Xiao Zhan when asking, but Xiao Zhan is still smiling and flushed red like a lantern. He nods and mumbles that it’s enough.

Wang Qiang takes a seat beside Wang Liuliu, asking what they’re so happy about. Wang Liuliu is still excited. She pulls on Wang Qiang’s arm, asking if he knows more gossip about Yibo from before they met. Tell Xiao Zhan!

“Does peeing on my neck count?” He pours a cup, then takes Xiao Zhan’s empty cup and fills it.

“Shut up.” Yibo points at Wang Qiang, not letting him continue.

Wang Qiang laughs and lets go of the topic. He picks up his cup to clink against Xiao Zhan’s and Xiao Zhan follows. Wang Qiang pulls down his mask to drink before Xiao Zhan can pull his arm back and the cup trembles in his hand.

An entire half of Wang Qiang’s face is scarred. There’s not a single patch of unharmed skin under the mask. They’re burn marks—scraggly scars scrawled all over.

Yibo bumps his leg under the table. Xiao Zhan looks away and drinks before Wang Qiang looks at him.

After that, Wang Qiang doesn’t put his mask back on. He sits there, eating with them. No one mentions it and Xiao Zhan doesn’t mind after he gets used to it. The man asks how Xiao Zhan’s grades are. Xiao Zhan says he’s okay; Wang Yibo echoes him. But Xizi just exclaims, _How can that be okay? He’s in the top 30 of the school._

“Qiang-ge is good at school too. He was always number one in our high school. If he’s in your school, he’ll get into the top 30 too.”

Yibo doesn’t talk, but Xizi and Liuliu prattle on about how amazing Wang Qiang was before. They don’t realize that their words would make Xiao Zhan wonder why things are like this now. He obviously won’t ask either.

“You keep talking about Wang Yibo’s embarrassing past. You didn’t tell him how Wang Yibo saved you?” Wang Qiang looks at Wang Liuliu.

With some petulance, the girl says she won’t talk about. Xizi doesn’t speak this time either. Wang Qiang drinks another cup and he hears his dad calling for him, so he tells them to continue and leaves.

Yibo follows him out, leaving the three in the room. Wang Liuliu furrows her brows and pokes at the tofu in her bowl. Xiao Zhan finishes his drink and asks Xizi if he wants to go pee.

In the bathroom, he asked Xizi what Wang Qiang meant earlier. Xizi coughs while shaking his dick and tells him that Wang Liuliu’s family has seven kids. Her parents insisted on having a son. They basically don’t care about the first six girls. Wang Liuliu’s grades are slightly better and that’s why they let her go to high school. The rest are all married off. When she was little, her house had a fire. It was too big to be extinguished and her dad wanted to give up, but Wang Yibo and Wang Qiang saved her. Wang Qiang went inside to get her while Yibo waited outside and Wang Qiang was destroyed by the fire. He has less injuries on his face. The rest of his body was basically all burned. And that’s why Wang Liuliu is close to Wang Qiang and Yibo.

After the meal, Wang Qiang offers to drive them home, but Yibo has him drop them off at Xizi’s shop. He asks Xizi for a key and pushes a motorcycle out. He wants to take Xiao Zhan out.

The motorcycle was obviously modified. Yibo says that this was scrapped by someone, so they took it, modified it, and used it up ‘till now. If the city was less strict, he could give Xiao Zhan a ride on the motorcycle to school tomorrow.

Xiao Zhan sits in the back, hugging him. The wind sobers him up. Reaching over, he says in Yibo’s ears that they can do it when they grow up.

Yibo takes him to a store and stops. Xiao Zhan looks up at the sign—it’s a cake shop. Yibo squats before the door, stabbing at the lock. Xiao Zhan pulls on his wrist, asking what he’s doing. “You can pick the school’s lock, but this is someone’s store.”

“It’s my family’s store.” Yibo slips his wrist out of Xiao Zhan’s hand and waves the key. “What did you think this was?”

Xiao Zhan shakes his head. He drank a bit too much.

Yibo pulls up the shutter door and Xiao Zhan goes in, wandering around. It’s an ordinary cake shop—far from what he imagines he’ll open in the future. He thought too artistically, but this place is clean and simple. It looks nice too.

“What're we here for so late?” he asks Yibo.

“Isn’t it almost your birthday? Let’s celebrate it early.”

Xiao Zhan thinks about it and his eyes brighten. “Bake a cake? I wanted to open a bakery before, but it doesn’t seem to make much money.”

“It really doesn’t.” Yibo stands there, acting like he wants to say something but hesitates. After a long while, he finally asks, “You want to bake a cake? I don’t know how.”

“I don’t either. Let’s just try.”

Xiao Zhan puts on the apron, hat and gloves—the entire outfit is quite complete—and puts cream on a burnt cake as if he knows what he’s doing. He and Yibo are covered in cream. Even their phones are covered in a layer and they can’t wipe the stuff off of their clothes no matter what.

Yibo has already given up. He sits on a chair and eats the cream. Xiao Zhan looks at the recipe on his phone with a cocked head. The steps are all the same, but the thing they made can’t even be compared to a two-yuan cupcake.

He throws the icing bag onto the table and says he gives up. Other than the ready-made icing, no part of the cake is edible. Yibo wipes his hands on Xiao Zhan’s apron and takes a cake out of the fridge. It’s not big, but it’s dainty and pretty.

“I had my mom help make it this morning.”

Xiao Zhan looks lifelessly at the cake. He thought someone else had ordered that.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“You were so into baking. How could I say anything?” Yibo puts the cake before Xiao Zhan and finds some candles to stick into it. “Give up on opening a bakery?”

“Pretty much.”

When Xiao Zhan lights the candles, Yibo turns off the lights. He sits on the other side and has Xiao Zhan hurry and make a wish.

The candlelight is warm. Yibo looks at him anticipatingly with a smile. He closes his eyes for only a bit before he opens them. After he blows out the candles, Yibo keeps asking him what he wished for, but he just shakes his head. He can’t say it out loud.

There’s no liquor in the cake shop, so Yibo takes out two packs of AD Calcium milk. The two drink milk and eat cake—like two little kids.

They already ate a lot at the restaurant and much of the cake is left untouched. The candles didn’t burn for too long, so Yibo lights them again and turns off the lights. The small cake is covered in candles and the warm ball of light in the room doesn’t look that scary.

Yibo touches his bottle of milk against Xiao Zhan’s. “I talked to Qiang-ge today. He thinks it’s good to go to university too. I can check out the world.”

“You can’t decide for yourself if you go to university or not?” Xiao Zhan squints at Yibo.

“If I leave for uni, he has to take care of my mom. I might only be able to come back once every half year.”

Xiao Zhan nods. “That’s true. Your mom only has you. She’s scared you’ll be in trouble.”

With a straw in his mouth, Yibo spins on his chair, saying he knows.

Xiao Zhan knows that yesterday, Yibo’s mom told him all that so he can persuade Yibo. But he just feels that for careers like this, someone has to do it. If you don’t do it, someone else will. It’s good to have aspirations like this. This kind of career needs this kind of belief and hot-bloodedness. He thinks that Yibo suits it. He definitely won’t dissuade Yibo because he knows it’s useless.

He doesn’t continue this conversation with Yibo. He picks up his fork and licks the cream on it. Yibo stares at his tongue with a devilish smirk, saying that if it’s not enough to eat, he can give him _a lot_. Xiao Zhan rolls his eyes, telling him to fuck off.

“I heard from Xizi that Qiang-ge’s injuries are from when you two went to save Wang Liuliu.”

“Yeah, his grades were good before and he wanted to become a teacher after graduating from university. Then he got burned like that and dropped out. No one wanted to hire him, so he could only come back and help out with his family’s restaurant.”

The handful of candles burn down, one extinguishing after another. Xiao Zhan holds Yibo’s wrist, telling him that he suddenly kind of understands what his mom is afraid of. Sometimes, everything disappears in an instant.

In the dark, Yibo asks him again what he wished for. Xiao Zhan slaps his arm. “I told you, I can’t say it. Let’s go back.”

“I think it’s definitely related to me.” Sitting on the motorcycle, Yibo turns around and smiles at Xiao Zhan, who tells him to go.

The road back is quiet. The only sound that can be heard is the motorcycle. Xiao Zhan doesn’t find it noisy. It’s like the sound has become one with them—they’re the only ones here.

What did he wish for? His wish is simple yet greedy. He just wishes they can grow into what they like and wishes they can both be good—whether that’s their relationship, their grades, or their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Yibo’s mom doesn’t put any food in Xiao Zhan’s bowl." > idk how it is in other cultures, but chinese uncles/aunties love to put the vegetables and meat in your bowl and it's rly annoying bc then you have to politely say "nono, i can do it myself" and return the favor ://
> 
> ALSO there is so much foreshadowing in this chap ahahahahah


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yibo walks over, pressing against his shoulder, saying, _Oh, your house is by the river too._  
>  “Mn.”  
> “We’ve been on the same line for so many years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: underage clubbing, smut~

October is almost over. Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo are together often, so their two groups become closer too. They hear that Liu Chao didn’t go back to school after their fight. His bros became other people’s bros; his girlfriend became someone else’s girlfriend too.

Later, Dashu says that Liu Chao was expelled after ditching class for a month. This figure suddenly disappears from that street.

Xiao Zhan sits on the stone steps in the corridor behind the old building with ice cream in his mouth. He tells Yibo that he thought Liu Chao would come cause trouble again.

“It’ll be better if he does.” Yibo gets close and reaches inside Xiao Zhan’s shirt to squeeze his waist. “I still have to beat up the asshole that stabbed you.”

Xiao Zhan takes the ice cream stick out of his mouth and holds it to Yibo’s mouth. Instead of biting it, he cups Xiao Zhan’s face and kisses him. The coldness in Xiao Zhan’s mouth is warmed by his tongue; the sweetness is taken away too.

The ice cream melts, dripping onto Xiao Zhan’s hand. He kisses Yibo while staring at the white cream cover his hand—it’s like the cum that Yibo shot into his hand last night. He puts the ice cream in his bag and stops eating.

The kiss ends with a girl’s sudden yelp. Yibo bites his tongue too and it hurts so bad that stars form in his vision. Xiao Zhan covers his mouth and looks back. His fate with his ex is probably used up all for coincidental meetings when he’s kissing Wang Yibo.

His ex is still as shy and cute as ever. She looks at them, not knowing what to do, but Yibo doesn’t look at her at all. He holds Xiao Zhan’s face and plants another kiss on his lips.

“Let’s go.”

Xiao Zhan picks up the ice cream and pulls Yibo away. When they walk past the girl, she’s still frozen there, purposely not looking at them. Another boy comes up behind them and takes a big step back when he sees Xiao Zhan. He’s probably traumatized for life from when Xiao Zhan beat him up against the gate.

The two take a few steps without speaking and then suddenly start running. When they get to the stairwell, Xiao Zhan slaps Yibo’s body. Between laughs, Yibo manages to say, “That was douchey but felt great.”

Xiao Zhan gets back to the classroom just on time. Yibo isn’t as willing to go find him anymore because the old man always has a chat with him. He wants Yibo to take part in physics competitions, saying that with his grades, he can only get into a university through academic competitions. It’s mainly because no student who _actually_ wants to get into university would do competitions in the third year, so he can only go for Wang Yibo. Xiao Zhan mentions it a few times too, but Yibo isn’t interested at all. He runs on the track until Xiao Zhan finishes class and waits in the square before the building, drenched in sweat.

Their school’s monthly exam happens no matter what. Xiao Zhan lies in bed, unable to sleep. He has to admit that dating Wang Yibo really did distract him. In the first and second year, he was in the regular class and didn’t care about his grades. So what if they were lower? But he’s in the below average range in his class now, and he _is_ scared of getting forced out.

His classmates always talk about their target schools, rattling off Tsinghua and PKU. When Xiao Zhan gets asked, his answer is always that he doesn’t know. Those who overthink all feel that he’s pretending, but it’s true. He hasn’t thought about where to go, what to study, or what to do in the future.

Sometimes, he’s jealous of Yibo. At least he’s clear about everything.

Xiao Zhan stares up at the wooden boards of the top bunk. He doesn’t want to separate from Wang Yibo.

Thinking of this, he kicks Yibo’s bed.

Yibo pokes his head out. Seeing Xiao Zhan lying there and staring at him, he nimbly flips out of his bed to get into Xiao Zhan’s bed, but before he can lie down, Xiao Zhan sits up and pulls him out. The guy whose bed is near the door hasn’t fallen asleep yet. He asks if they’re going to smoke and if he can go with.

Xiao Zhan waves the green paper in his hand. “Memorizing vocab, wanna come?”

Yibo follows behind him toward the bathroom—the sole light. Behind Xiao Zhan, he asks if they’re going to smoke or memorize the vocab. When Xiao Zhan repeats his answer, he stops and calls out to the back of Xiao Zhan’s head, “No way.”

The bathroom window isn’t closed yet and the breeze that blows in is cool, but it’s still stuffy. The sink before the window has been blown dry. Xiao Zhan leans against it and unfolds the paper. He starts writing an English essay on it.

The old man had Xiao Zhan bring this exam to Yibo tonight. He didn’t have to worry about physics at all. Yibo was much better at it than him.

“Why’re you writing an English essay at midnight?” Yibo still followed over obediently.

“Can’t sleep,” Xiao Zhan says, his hand not stopping. After he finishes, he reads it over twice and hands it to Yibo. “Memorize it in the next two days.”

“Huh?” Yibo practically has a question mark plastered on his face.

“The English exam this time will most likely be this kind of essay. You can change it slightly and use it.”

“I’m serious. What’s with you?”

“I can’t sleep.” Xiao Zhan rests his elbows on the edge of the sink and looks at Yibo, asking, “What’s your least favorite subject?”

Yibo waves the paper in his hand. “English.”

“Then I’ll teach you English. I don’t have high requirements. You just need to pass. If you wanna get into uni, then start studying now. Don’t just talk about it without actually learning anything.”

Yibo stares into his eyes for a while. Then he nods and reads the essay with a lot of difficulty, stumbling everywhere. Xiao Zhan can tell that he doesn’t know some of the most basic words.

He sits there, twirling his pen until Yibo reads the entire essay smoothly. At the end, Xiao Zhan can’t even understand what he’s saying. It’s like he’s chanting a mantra, making him sleepy. Yibo takes a deep breath, seeming to have gotten quite tired from reading. He tells Xiao Zhan that he’s never thought he would ever read at midnight with the bathroom as his night light. He feels like he can aim for Tsinghua tomorrow!

Xiao Zhan is sleepy and doesn’t have the energy to bicker with him. Jumping off of the table to go sleep, he tells Yibo to memorize it well. Yibo grabs his arm and pulls him back, saying, “You haven’t given me what you owed from the last exam.”

Xiao Zhan blinks. The sleepiness makes him seem overly innocent. He thinks and says, “Add it to this time.”

“It won’t just be two boxes if you put the two times together.”

“You want me to buy you an entire cart for you to blow bubbles with?”

Yibo smacks his lips, saying he didn’t get enough last time. Xiao Zhan’s sleepiness disappears. He didn’t either—the bunk bed is narrow and low and for their first time, they only knew to lay there. By midnight, they didn’t feel much euphoria much. Just tired and in pain.

“Then find a place to have fun,” he says.

“Then I’ll study hard.”

“Study what?”

“Everything.”

Xiao Zhan rolls his eyes.

When Xiao Zhan wakes up the next morning, some others in the dorm have already gotten up. He slept like the dead last night. Yibo is standing before his bed, drying his hair, and says good morning. Xiao Zhan keeps lying there, lazily asking why Yibo didn’t wake him.

“You know you’re late, so hurry and get up.”

Yibo reaches over to pull him up. Xiao Zhan sits on the bed and spaces out, staring at Yibo’s wrist. After a while, he looks up. “You wanna put the red string on?”

The string is still under Yibo’s pillow. He takes it out, ties it around his wrist, and waves it before Xiao Zhan. Satisfied, Xiao Zhan finally gets out of bed to wash.

When they get to the English exam, Xiao Zhan realizes that the essay really isn’t much different from what he’d guessed. He wonders how well Yibo will do.

After turning in his test, he packs up and goes to leave, but the homeroom teacher stops him. He says that there’s an empty spot in the new dorm building and he can move in next week. He’ll be in one room with some others from his class, so their schedules will match up more.

Xiao Zhan has almost forgotten about this. He walks before the teacher and says he doesn’t want to switch anymore.

“Why not?” The old man looks at him over his spectacles.

“I’m used to it.”

“You’re used to causing trouble with Wang Yibo, hm?”

It’s not like he doesn’t see their little movements when he calls Yibo in to listen to the lectures. He knocks the papers he was grading while proctoring on the table and puts them into his old leather briefcase. He tells Xiao Zhan to think carefully and give him an answer before next Monday. Walking away and then retracking, he says, “I can pretend to not see you two fighting outside, but if I see it again, I’ll call your parents. And you need to work on your grades.”

When Xiao Zhan reaches the school gates, he sees Yibo. Wang Liuliu follows over, asking if he wants to go back with them, but Xiao Zhan shakes his head and says no. Dashu hangs off him and asks Liuliu what’s there to do in the county. Xiao Zhan takes off Dashu’s hand. He wants to go talk to Yibo, but Dashu pulls him back.

“You guys leave school so on-time every day. What do you even do? Let’s hang out together.”

There’s no bus to the county at night, but their group sometimes doesn’t go home on the weekends. They can game at the Internet café for the entire night, sleep the entire day at school, and then continue gaming the next night.

Yibo says he can tell Qiang-ge when he comes later, so they wait outside the school. Qiang-ge’s van stops before the tree that’s almost bare of leaves. Xiao Zhan waves at him through the window. Dashu peers over and says that guy looks a bit scary.

“He’s pretty nice,” Xiao Zhan says.

“His outfit is cool.”

There’s an argument by the car. Wang Liuliu wants to hang out with them, but Wang Qiang doesn’t let her, insisting on taking her home.

“That her boyfriend?” Dashu asks.

“Her…” Xiao Zhan doesn’t know how to define them and just says, “Her brother.”

He doesn’t know what they decide in the end. He can’t hear from his spot and just sees Wang Qiang drive away angrily. When he passes by Xiao Zhan, he nods in acknowledgment and Xiao Zhan waves.

Wang Liuliu still wants to follow them. Xiao Zhan tells Yibo that Dashu and the others are most likely going to go clubbing, so is she okay with that? Yibo laughs. “You think she doesn’t do that?”

The outside of the club is old with chipped paint, but the interior was remodeled in the past few years. There’s a yellowed paper pasted to the door with half of it missing. It says, _no minors allowed._

Xiao Zhan and Dashu have long gotten familiar with the owner. They came often in the first and second year of high school, so no one cares about them.

There are many minors squeezed onto the dance floor. If you look closely, you can even find some pants with the white and blue stripes. They hang baggily, but they can’t cover the swaying hips.

Dashu and his girlfriend hug like Siamese twins. The people there squeeze and crash into each other and soon, Xiao Zhan’s forehead and neck are completely covered in sweat. He doesn’t know where Yibo went, so he goes to the bar and gets a beer to drink.

There’s a sudden commotion on the stage. Xiao Zhan’s hand freezes in mid-air. Someone bursts onto the stage and starts singing his heart out and the people below react enthusiastically—even Dashu jumps around with his hands up.

Onstage, Liu Chao shakes his head back and forth like a madman.

Yibo comes behind Xiao Zhan without him noticing and reaches inside his shirt to touch his back.

“You sweat so much again.”

“Where’d you go?” he asks Yibo.

“Bathroom.”

Xiao Zhan points at Liu Chao who’s still straining his throat while singing. Yibo nods, saying that he saw.

With the glass bottle in his mouth, Yibo hugs his waist. Xiao Zhan sniffs his mouth. He didn’t drink much.

“Liu Chao’s doing drugs.”

Xiao Zhan’s teeth knock against the glass. “How’d you know?”

“I saw in the bathroom. He’s with a group. They look like they all do it.” Yibo lets go. He leans against the bar and opens a bottle with his teeth. Looking at the person on the stage, he says to Xiao Zhan, “Let’s not mess with him anymore.”

Xiao Zhan nods.

He looks at Yibo. He rarely sees such seriousness in Yibo’s eyes—staring at Liu Chao who’s floating around the stage like a ghost. Even his pupils are moving with the man, carrying a tinge of disgust.

“What are you thinking about?”

Yibo snaps out of it. “Scared he’ll cause trouble with us.”

Xiao Zhan thinks about how his homeroom teacher told him about their fight with Liu Chao outside of the school. He tells Yibo, but Yibo just shrugs. Maybe someone passed by saw them. It’s a street, after all. It makes sense to Xiao Zhan. Because no matter how high Liu Chao gets, he’d never go tell the teacher. That doesn’t exist in his world.

“Old man told me there’s an empty spot in the new building too. He wants me to move over next week.”

Yibo suddenly pinches the side of his waist, asking if he’s going.

“Do you think I should go?”

“No.” Yibo buries his face in the crook of Xiao Zhan’s neck. “I still wanna secretly climb into your bed at night and kiss and hug you.”

“Then I won’t go.” Xiao Zhan turns his face and kisses Yibo’s nose. “Find a place?”

“Let’s go.”

Dashu is still squirming around on the dance floor. Xiao Zhan pulls him aside, telling him to leave after they have fun. Don’t get into a fight with Liu Chao. Dashu nods. Wang Liuliu makes her way over from the crowd and asks if they’re leaving. She’ll leave too.

“We have something to do,” Yibo tells her. “Go to the Internet café with them.”

Wang Liuliu likes to go clubbing with them in the county normally too. After notifying the others, Yibo leaves with Xiao Zhan.

It’s drizzling when they exit and the wind has gotten colder. Xiao Zhan stands outside the motel and calls home with Yibo’s phone to say that he’s staying at school tonight. No one picks up the home landline, so he calls his mom. It rings for a long time before his mom finally picks up, but before he can open his mouth, she says that she and his dad have gone out of town. She’s left money at home, so he can go eat out over the weekend.

Xiao Zhan hangs up and looks at Yibo.

“What, they won’t let you stay out?”

“They’re not home.” He grabs Yibo’s wrist. “Let’s go to my house.”

They ride the last bus. There are not many people on the bus anymore and they have to get off at the last stop, so they’re the only ones left in the end. The rain has gotten bigger, leaving slanted streaks on the window. Xiao Zhan tilts his head. “We have to walk after getting off the bus, but we don’t have an umbrella.”

“It’s okay. It’s not that big yet.”

As soon as Yibo finishes speaking, the rain comes crashing down. They instantly are unable to see the outside clearly anymore. Xiao Zhan wordlessly looks away from the window and sighs.

There’s no canopy at the bus stop—only a circular sign. Xiao Zhan asks if he wants to wait at some store until the rain stops, but Yibo rejects that crisply. _It’s not far, so we can just run. Men should run like crazy in the rain._ But when he starts running, he learns that the distance Xiao Zhan said earlier is a really steep hill. Xiao Zhan’s house is at the very top, beside the river.

There’s not a dry patch on them anymore. Their white t-shirts stick to their bodies, showing the lean figures of high school boys. The old man walking down the street with an umbrella stops to look at them and moves to the side to avoid their splashes.

They run for a long time up the hill, not stopping until they get to the stairwell. They bend over and pant for breath. The rain has gotten bigger outside. Xiao Zhan wipes the water from his face, but more drips down his hair immediately.

“Let’s go up.”

It seems that no one has been home for days. There’s 200 _yuan_ on the table. Xiao Zhan walks to the window and pulls the curtains aside—wind surges in from the open window, bringing in the smell of rain mixed with river water.

Yibo walks over, pressing against his shoulder, saying, _Oh, your house is by the river too._

“Mn.”

“We’ve been on the same line for so many years.”

Xiao Zhan laughs. “You’re pretty good at forcing connections, huh.”

He watches a raindrop roll down Yibo’s neck to his Adam’s apple and then further down. Xiao Zhan presses down Yibo’s head and kisses the bob.

The damp clothes stick to their skin and get a bit chilly from the wind; the hot water in the shower quickly turns their skin red. Yibo scrubs the soapy loofah on Xiao Zhan’s back before hugging him from behind and biting on his shoulder. “If I had that fetish of yours, I’d tie you up and have you be my human model every day,” he says.

Yibo comes out of the shower without wearing anything. He picks up the doll on Xiao Zhan’s bedside with the messily cut hair. It’s wearing really awkward overalls that doesn’t seem to be this doll’s clothes at all.

“Those are the clothes of a puppy I had before,” Xiao Zhan says from the bed. “It has four legs. Of course it’s awkward.”

“Why did you give dog clothes to a doll?”

“Because I don’t have doll pants.” He shrugs innocently. “Or do you like a white lacy wedding dress?”

And Yibo realizes that the doll in his hands is him, made by Xiao Zhan.

He places the doll on the desk, facing the bed so it stares at them squarely. Since they’re already naked, they can save time and skip that step. When he hugs Xiao Zhan, he asks if he sleeps while hugging his doll like this too. Then he licks Xiao Zhan’s chin, swirling his tongue around the mole but not kissing his lips.

“Did your puppy lick you like this too?”

Xiao Zhan tugs Yibo’s hair, making him lift his head. Those round eyes really do look like how the puppy did when it begged him for food. He usually can’t take it at this point and feeds it whatever it wants.

Yibo slips on the condom and presses against Xiao Zhan, thrusting in. He pries at Xiao Zhan’s ass while saying, _Oh, so you like ones that come with patterns._ Xiao Zhan buries his face in his pillow and clenches his jaw tightly. He swears that he didn’t know they’re patterned until Yibo put it on.

It’s his first time buying condoms and the shop owner kept staring at him. He just wanted to grab them and run.

The burning-hot dick buries into his body and it hurts so much that his tears intermix with his sweat. Yibo kisses him endlessly. He murmurs in Xiao Zhan’s ears that he’s gonna buy a white lace wedding dress in the future. _Can you wear it when I fuck you?_

Xiao Zhan squeezes his eyes shut and utters a muffled grunt. He’s seen that kind of porn before. The instant Yibo says it, he can’t help but imagine that body in the wedding dress as himself and Yibo lifts his dress, pressing him against the bed, and fucks him hard.

He feels his cheeks turning hot. He must be going out of his mind, but he realizes that he’s sprawled on the bed with his ass up, taking in Yibo’s hard dick bit by bit. It’s just that he doesn’t have a dress and Yibo still has enough patience.

The climax comes quickly because Yibo is accurate when finding the spot. Laying on Xiao Zhan, he can just rub lightly and easily find the spot that gets him on. He always trembles and then Yibo would press a bit harder.

“I memorized all the places I discovered last time.” Yibo starts thrusting. “Did I find it? Make a sound if you feel good.”

Xiao Zhan has been clenching his teeth, but as Yibo’s movements speed up, he really can’t keep his mouth closed anymore. His teeth clatter against each other and he accidentally bites his tongue.

“You fucking… only memorize this shit.” He grabs the pillow. Even his insults can only be done brokenly.

“Who said that? I memorized that English essay you wrote for me too. I can recite it for you.”

Yibo recites the English essay that Xiao Zhan wrote that night, over and over again. Tears flow out of Xiao Zhan’s eyes. He reaches back to hit Yibo, but the other boy thrusts and he ends up just caressing him.

“Stop reciting it, please,” Xiao Zhan whimpers. “Are you crazy?”

Yibo bends down and rubs his nose against his ear. “I’ll stop if you beg me to fuck you.”

“Would you stop fucking if I _don’t_ beg you?” Xiao Zhan twists around and looks at him with watery eyes.

“I’ll fuck even if you don’t beg.” He grabs Xiao Zhan’s waist, producing a bright slap on his ass each time. “But you’ll beg me sooner or later.”

Yibo is right. Xiao Zhan holds onto his bookshelf until he can’t stand anymore. When his knees give out, the boy behind him picks him up. He can’t feel the patterns or whatever is on the condom anymore. He just feels like that thing is going to kill him.

The doll sitting on the desk is still watching them. Xiao Zhan reaches over and pushes it to the ground. He’s used the doll to be Wang Yibo for a long time, but it’s useless now.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t know how long they have sex for. Outside the window, the rain comes down harder and harder. They don’t turn on the lights, but a tiny bit of illumination from the street light shines in from the open curtains. Yibo sits on the bed, massaging his ass—one patch is bright red from getting spanked—and he finally begs Yibo in the end. He begs him to stop fucking. He really can’t take it anymore. He’s been wanting to die since he came, but when they stop and he lies down, he starts reliving it.

“You’re getting hard again.”

Yibo’s hand moves from his ass to his dick, holding it and moving. He turns and sees Yibo sitting before him, bent over. Dim light washes over his back.

It’s just like that night. Yibo said before that he wanted to fuck him that night; Xiao Zhan wanted to draw him that night too.

“Then, draw. I’ll cooperate no matter how you wanna draw me.” Yibo lowers himself to kiss him on the lips. “But let me fuck you again first.”

Xiao Zhan sits up and pushes Yibo to the bed. He kisses from Yibo’s collarbone to his abdomen, finally taking in the dick that’s already rising a bit. He works hard, opening his mouth wide and licking, but the swollen dick still grazes his teeth. He spits it out and gets off of bed to take out a box of paint from his drawer.

He doesn’t know if it’s gone bad yet. It’s a new box, but he doesn’t really do watercolor. He bought this box so long ago that he stopped drawing before he even opened it.

Yibo looks at him quietly from the bed. He doesn’t say anything even when Xiao Zhan takes a brush and straddles him, letting Xiao Zhan paint all over him with black.

Xiao Zhan lays the paper over the paint, flattening it with a palm before peeling it back slowly. From the chest down to the abdomen, the ribs print a bit incompletely on the paper like an inverted X-ray scan.

He holds it up for Yibo to see, saying that it’s so pretty. “If I study med, I’ll definitely have to study you well.”

“Sure.” Yibo cushions his head on an arm. “I’ll definitely leave it for you. Let you cut me open.”

“Me wanting and you letting aren’t the same things.” Xiao Zhan pulls some tissues to wipe the paint on Yibo’s body, but there are still black prints left behind, so he just tosses the tissues away. “Don’t say that sort of stuff anymore. Especially after you really become a cop.”

Yibo nods seriously.

He sits up and hugs Xiao Zhan, guiding his dick in. The paint on Xiao Zhan’s hands that he couldn’t wipe clean yet leave one incomplete black handprint after another. It’s like someone is crying for help on Yibo’s body—and indeed, Xiao Zhan does that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just think the original author makes the smut scenes all so aesthetic, even when wyb is reciting an english essay while fucking xz *sobs*


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xiao Zhan isn’t like Dashu and the others. He’s not here for vacation or to drink with Qiang-ge; he just wants to come see Wang Yibo on the first day of the new year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made a totally stupid mistake!! the subject that yibo is good at should be physics instead of biology T_T  
> (but the lab that they messed around in with the model was bio) sorry QAQ

That night, they drink all the beer in the fridge. Littered on the ground under the bed are beer cans, tissues, and used condoms. No one knows which can the puddle of beer came from, but it goes all into Yibo’s phone.

On the bed, the two are still sleeping, tangled together. Xiao Zhan’s body is covered in purplish fingerprints—it looks quite complementing with the teeth marks on Yibo’s body.

The rain still hasn’t stopped and it’s so dark out that it doesn’t feel like daytime. Yibo doesn’t know when he wakes up. His tongue feels like paper, so he gets out of bed to get water. He steps right onto his phone and slips, hitting his head on the ground.

The commotion wakes Xiao Zhan. He scoots to the side of the bed and lies there, laughing at him. Yibo sits up and picks up his phone from the puddle of beer. He shakes it—it can still manage to turn on.

The logo spins as it turns back on. Yibo tosses the phone onto the bed and walks out. Xiao Zhan calls out that he wants water too. Looking at the clock on the wall, it’s already two in the afternoon. His stomach starts grumbling.

Xiao Zhan is just about to call out to Yibo to bring some food over, when the phone suddenly starts buzzing with notifications. Xiao Zhan picks it up and sees the entire screen covered with messages. There are unanswered calls and texts; he swipes all 2-30 of them to the side without even reading them clearly.

“What’s wrong? Who is it?”

Yibo places the water and cookies on the bed and takes the phone from Xiao Zhan’s hand. Xiao Zhan rips the wrapping open and stuffs a cookie in his mouth. He chews while watching Yibo’s brows knit tighter and tighter.

“They fought and got into the police department last night.”

Xiao Zhan chokes on the cookie, coughing until his face turns red. He throws the cookies on the ground. What the fuck is all this?

He gets out of bed to find his phone in his dad’s room. His dad found out he brought his phone to school last time, so it got taken away. He only gets it back on weekends. Xiao Zhan charges the phone and sees that Dashu called him many times. When he calls back, Dashu picks up and immediately asks where the fuck he was. Xiao Zhan says he’s been home the entire time. _How come you didn’t come find me?_

“I’m in jail. How the fuck do I go find you?” Dashu’s tone is irritable.

“Didn’t I tell you not to mess with Liu Chao?” Xiao Zhan’s tone isn’t any better.

“I didn’t. That Wang Liuliu went to the bathroom and got stopped by Liu Chao. He touched her chest. That group started fighting him. I just wanted to help them fight a little and end it fast, but then we ran into the cops.”

“Are you out now?”

“Yeah, obviously.” Dashu’s tone gets excited for some reason. “That guy that came to pick them up yesterday—the one with the cap and mask—so fucking fierce. He drove a van of people over at midnight, taking us out to beat Liu Chao up. Even broke his arm.”

After that, Xiao Zhan goes back to his bedroom. Yibo has already changed clothes. Xiao Zhan picks up a shirt from the bed and puts it on, telling Yibo that Qiang-ge came yesterday.

“Yeah, Wang Liuliu called Qiang-ge after she couldn’t get me.”

“Dashu says that they broke his arm.”

Yibo snickers and lies back down, rubbing his face. “He messed with Wang Liuliu. It’s already nice enough he didn’t dismember him.”

“Why?” Xiao Zhan asks, sitting cross-legged beside him.

“You saw how burnt he got.” Yibo shifts and squeezes Xiao Zhan’s thigh. “No girl in our place looks at him. Only Wang Liuliu plays with him. She followed him around every day when that fire first happened. It only got a bit better after she came out for school.”

“He likes her?”

“Not exactly.” Yibo shakes his head. “He’s so much older than her. When he was hospitalized, Wang Liuliu said that she’ll marry him in the future, but he wasn’t willing. He’s pretty much raising her like a daughter.”

Xiao Zhan curls Yibo’s hair around his finger. If he risks his life to save someone while losing practically everything else, he really can’t imagine what he would do. He might hate that person so much; he might also turn that person into the only thing to live for. Both possibilities would make him go crazy.

He’s kind of impressed by Wang Qiang now.

They go eat noodles downstairs and then return to school. Wang Qiang brought Wang Liuliu back last night and the rest of the guys are still catching up on sleep in the dorm, while Dashu’s dad brings him over personally. Getting arrested has alerted the principal. Later, the cops provide evidence that Liu Chao’s group were doing drugs and started the conflict, so they’re not at fault. That’s why Dashu can manage to stay in the advanced class without getting kicked out. Dashu’s dad bows and ingratiates himself in the principal’s office for a long while, promising this and that. When he comes out to see Dashu laughing and talking with Xiao Zhan, he walks over and kicks Dashu.

Dashu limps. Injuries from last night paired with that kick from his dad make his face distort in pain, but he keeps bragging about their brilliant battle last night while rubbing his leg. He says that seeing Qiang-ge beat up Liu Chao was like seeing a dream come true.

“What did you two do? Neither of you would pick up,” he finally complains at the end.

“He broke his phone and mine was out of battery,” Xiao Zhan says offhandedly.

Wang Yibo goes to find his group. Xiao Zhan has nothing else to do, so he returns to his class. The homeroom teacher has just handed the test papers to the class leader. Seeing Xiao Zhan, he calls him out.

Standing in the hall, he gets straight to the point. He says that those gangsters from the technical school came to find them at the school entrance and got taken away by the security guards. _I felt that you knew what was right and wrong, so I didn’t do anything at the time. Did you go to the night club and police station with them last night?_

Xiao Zhan shakes his head. “I went home last night and didn’t come out.”

The old man looks at Xiao Zhan, unable to differentiate if he’s telling the truth or lying. Xiao Zhan isn’t like the students that he’s always been teaching, with the bad stuff they’ve done written all on their faces.

“If you have nothing to do with it, then good. Pack up tonight and move to the new building.”

“I don’t want to change anymore. Living here is fine.” Xiao Zhan rejects him again. He can barely see Yibo a few times during the day. If they live on opposite sides of campus, then they won’t even have the chance to squat on the rooftop and smoke anymore.

“It’s your dad who asked me to change your dorm. If you’re unwilling, then have him contact me.” 

With that, the old man leaves. Xiao Zhan knocks his back against the railing a few times. If he wants his dad to contact that old man, he’d probably tell his dad about everything he’s done at school.

Xiao Zhan’s exam gets handed back to him. Physics pulled his overall grade down and he can see the old man’s long face from where he’s sitting.

Yibo didn’t go to the track today. He stands outside, waiting for Xiao Zhan with his test paper.

“Look.” Sitting on the flower bed, he hands his English exam to Xiao Zhan.

“Passing is 90, not 60.” Xiao Zhan flips through. He can say that Yibo tried to answer in the beginning, but at the fill in the blanks part, he starts cycling through ABCD again. Xiao Zhan cocks an eyebrow when he sees the essay. Yibo actually memorized the essay without missing a single word and also knew to change “parents” to “teachers.”

“Not bad.” Xiao Zhan folds up the papers and hands it to Yibo. He sits down next to him on the flower bed. “Old Man wants me to move. He said if I don’t wanna, then have my dad contact him.”

“You need to find your dad? This isn’t kindergarten.” Yibo’s face crumples.

“He said that Liu Chao came to our school before but got chased away by the guards. Yesterday, Dashu and the guys got arrested and the entire school knows.” Xiao Zhan stretches his legs, bends over, and tilts his head to look at Yibo. “And I bombed physics this time.”

“Lemme see.”

“It’s in the classroom. Let’s go together. Old Man’s gone.”

There are still a few people left in the room. Xiao Zhan takes his paper out for Yibo and asks how he did. When he asks, the guy in the first row who has been #1 in the grade consecutively turns and shoots a look at him. Yibo doesn’t speak—he just hands his test to Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan opens the papers and reads the number out loud.

The guy in the first row turns back around. Yibo indeed got a higher grade than him and the problems were hard this time.

“What’re you gonna do?” Yibo asks, sitting on the chair with his leg propped up. “What if you just refuse to leave?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do good students kiss up to teachers?”

“How would I know?”

He’s only been a good student for a few days.

“Ask the number one in your class.” Yibo pats Xiao Zhan and points at the person in the front.

Xiao Zhan thinks it’s a good solution, but just as he stands up, the old man comes in through the door. The three exchange glances.

“How come you haven’t gone back yet?” the old man asks Xiao Zhan as he takes his thermos from the podium.

Xiao Zhan stands there and points at Yibo, saying that he’s here to tutor him.

“I wanted to ask him at night, after going back, but I was worried there’d be no time.”

The old man brings his thermos over and pulls out a chair to sit across from them. “Let me listen as well.”

Yibo’s face reddens from awkwardness. He takes Xiao Zhan’s notebook and pen and starts writing out the problem. The old man opens his thermos and drinks casually. After he finishes listening and drinking, he asks Yibo why he’s not willing to participate in the physics competition.

“I’m not unwilling. I just don’t want to study physics in college, so I want to use this time to work on other subjects.” Then Yibo points at Xiao Zhan. “We complement each other. He teaches me English and I teach him physics.”

After a while, the old man nods. He says that knowing to study is good, but competitions are extra points. It’ll be good for entering college.

“Okay, I’ll prepare.”

Yibo answers without any hesitation this time. Then Xiao Zhan asks his teacher if he really has to change dorms. He’s finally found the motivation to work hard.

The old man thinks for a while. He closes his thermos and says that he doesn’t have to change, but he better know what’s important. In the third year of high school, he should study well and not interact with people outside or have anything to do with those who always cause trouble.

The two nod obediently and assure him they’ll do that. After the old man leaves, they sprawl on the desks and laugh happily. The student in the first row who has been working studiously twists around and looks at them.

At night, they go to smoke on the rooftop. Yibo doesn’t smoke that much anymore—in his own words, it’s just that he didn’t know what to do when he first came to this school. He was bored.

They lean on the surrounding wall. It’s cooler now and the smoke and their hair flutter in the wind.

Xiao Zhan pushes smoke out and the wind blows it towards Yibo, hitting him square in the face. Xiao Zhan looks at him, asking, “Do you really plan on going to the competition now?”

“I’ll just try.” Yibo wipes the ashes on the platform. In a straight line, they look like gray caterpillars. Furrowing his brows, he blows them away. "It’ll be nice if I really get an award. If you go to a crazy good college, it won’t make me look as trash.”

“Then you better try hard, ‘cause I’m definitely getting into a crazy good college.”

After that, Xiao Zhan finally feels like they’re true third-year high school students. It’s so peaceful during that time that his body itches all over and he runs on the track with Yibo after evening study hall.

Liu Chao disappears once again. The night club owner blacklisted all of them, because they lured the police over last time and almost got his place in trouble. So even if they go out on weekends, they can only go to the Internet café or arcade.

Yibo asks him if he wants to go back together for New Years. Xiao Zhan considers it, but it definitely won’t work out for New Years. His mom and dad won’t let him stay out the entire night.

On New Year’s Eve, it’s not midnight yet when he finishes dinner at home. His parents go to sleep and Dashu calls him out. He fills his stomach with BBQ again and a table of beer. When it’s almost midnight, Yibo calls him and Xiao Zhan is so drunk that he almost bites his tongue. He doesn’t have great alcohol tolerance and gets drunk easily when he’s happy.

Dashu hugs his girlfriend, yelling happy new years to his baby. Xiao Zhan half lies on the chair; listening to Yibo’s voice makes his heart itch. He tells Yibo that he wants to go find him. Yibo immediately gets excited, telling him to come over.

“Where you going? The county?” Dashu asks, straining his neck.

“Ah,” Xiao Zhan opens his mouth and answers.

“I wanna go too. I haven’t gone yet and they all say it’s fun.” Dashu hits the table excitedly. “I wanna drink with that Qiang-ge too. He left too fast that time. We couldn’t even get dinner together.”

Yibo has them come over on the bus tomorrow morning and he’ll pick them up at the bus station. He’s about to hang up when Dashu grabs Xiao Zhan’s wrist and yells at Yibo that he still owes them a meal.

The earliest bus to the county is at 5 a.m., so they don’t go home at all that night. After they finish drinking, they go to karaoke for a midnight round. Xiao Zhan falls asleep on the couch, not hearing their wailing through the night. When he opens his eyes, it’s already five.

Xiao Zhan slaps Dashu’s face, calling them all up. Still dazed, Dashu sits there, asking, “You want to see him that bad?”

“Shut up.”

The bus drives for a few hours. When they get there, the sun has already risen. Yibo picks them up in the white van.

“You have a license?” Xiao Zhan asks him.

Yibo shakes his head. “It’s fine. They don’t care here.”

Yibo drives as wildly as Wang Qiang; Xiao Zhan suspects that he learned how to drive from Wang Qiang too. The roads in the county are covered in dirt and a layer of dust flies up when they drive past. Yibo drives them to the restaurant. There’s a place that sells breakfast on the side. Yibo tells them to go eat and have Wang Qiang pay the bill.

As soon as Dashu gets off the car, he sees Wang Qiang and calls out _Qiang-ge._ It takes a few seconds for Wang Qiang to recognize him and he goes over for a quick hug. Yibo doesn’t have Xiao Zhan to get off. He drives over to Xizi’s and leaves the car behind to wash. Then he gets the motorcycle and brings Xiao Zhan home.

Xiao Zhan isn’t like Dashu and the others. He’s not here for vacation or to drink with Qiang-ge; he just wants to come see Wang Yibo on the first day of the new year.

Yibo’s mom has gone to work, so there’s no one in the house. Xiao Zhan takes a shower and comes out naked save for Yibo’s fuzzy blanket around him. The blanket is very soft. It smells like the sun and Yibo’s body wash.

He drank too much last night and didn’t sleep well at karaoke either. Yibo hugs him, swaying him a little, and Xiao Zhan blearily says to let him sleep first. He closes his eyes and blacks out.

By the time he wakes up, there’s a cloud of smoke floating before him. He puffs up his cheeks and blows it away. Yibo is sitting next to him on the bed, watching TV. The cigarette in his mouth seems to have just been lit, but there’s no knowing how long he’s been smoking for.

Xiao Zhan reaches over and takes the cigarette out of Yibo’s mouth to take a drag. Glancing out the window, the sun is still high up in the sky. There’s no clock in Yibo’s room, so he asks what time it is.

“Not noon yet. You hungry?”

He just woke up and doesn’t have an appetite at all. He just shakes his head and holds Yibo’s face for a kiss. He’s holding the cigarette between his fingers and ashes fall onto Yibo’s face. Extinguishing the cigarette in the ashtray, he rolls onto Yibo.

In the movie playing on TV, the characters sob their hearts out. One person chases after the train and even the train’s sounds can’t cover the crying. They make love in bed—all Xiao Zhan can hear is Yibo’s heavy panting and his own uncontrollable moans.

He feels like he’s going to cum soon. He grasps his dick, but Yibo pushes his hand away.

“Cum later.” Yibo lays on him and rubs. “You wanna stop whenever you cum. I can’t get enough fucking.”

Xiao Zhan takes a few breaths, mouth open. He lifts a hand to wipe the dense sweat on his forehead and pats Yibo to make him go down. “Then let me take a break.”

Yibo lies down and takes a cigarette from the box on the bedside; his dick is still hard. Xiao Zhan nudges him with his knees a few times and he wraps an arm around Xiao Zhan’s waist, placing him onto his body. “Move by yourself. I’m gonna smoke.”

Xiao Zhan holds his dick and eases down, letting out a muffled grunt. It’s kind of gone in too deeply, so he sits forward a bit and starts moving slowly. Yibo grabs the soft flesh of his ass; then his hand moves to press down on his nipples. The dick grinds slowly in his body, scratching like a cat’s tail.

Xiao Zhan lowers his head and opens his mouth; Yibo puts the cigarette in his mouth and he inhales. Suddenly, Yibo thrusts to that spot and he can’t stop himself from crying out, blowing the smoke onto Yibo’s face. Yibo presses a kiss down and starts thrusting up with all his might.

The smoke dissipates from his mouth; the taste of tobacco gets covered by the taste of blood. Xiao Zhan doesn’t even know who bit whose tongue. Yibo’s hands are behind his back, scratching and hurting his ass. He lets go of Yibo’s lips and arches his back, telling him to slow down.

Yibo picks up the phone from the bedside. Someone has called him again, but he missed it because the phone was on silent.

“They’re calling us to go eat.”

“Then hurry up.”

“You want me to slow down then hurry up.” He sits up and presses Xiao Zhan to kneel on the bed and pushes in again. “So hard to serve.”

Xiao Zhan kneels there with Yibo’s leg between his, forcing them apart. Whenever the other boy thrusts, his dick would graze the soft bed. Held by Yibo from behind, he finds that he can barely move at all, let alone escape. He can only lay there until Yibo cums.

When they get to the restaurant at noon, the others are already eating. Xizi is there too. He’s not close to Dashu’s group but knows that they once fought Liu Chao because of him, so he’s extremely touched to see them. Wang Liuliu is happy when she sees Xiao Zhan and pats the empty spot beside her. Wang Yibo goes over and plops down. He has Xiao Zhan sit on his side and ignores Wang Liuliu’s rolled eyes.

Qiang-ge takes off his mask and drinks with them. He just says that he got burned as a child. The ones at the table who know what happened don’t mention anything.

That night, Wang Qiang finds them a place to sleep. Xiao Zhan doesn’t have to squeeze in with them though. He stays at Yibo’s house.

It’s really quiet in the county at night—the streets are basically empty by 10 p.m. Dashu calls, saying they’re going out and invites him too. Those guys say that there are ghosts in the old school campus and they wanna go have fun.

Yibo takes him to get the car from Xizi’s place. The ratty white van has been washed to a shine. Halfway there, Yibo points out the red brick building that pops up in the distance, saying that it’s part of the school. It was there since before the school was built. He doesn’t know when it’s from.

“Is your school really haunted?” Xiao Zhan asks, pressing against the window.

“Haunted my ass.” Yibo spins the steering wheel. “I won’t go to any haunted places. Didn’t I tell you that there’s a chicken farm next to the school? There was some crazy man once. He got some chicks from the farm somehow. He raised them in the school and would walk the chicks at midnight. He’d run after them all over the field.

“Walking chicks?” Xiao Zhan can’t help but laugh. “What about now?”

“The hospital took him away.”

The others haven’t come out yet when they arrive. Yibo doesn’t let Xiao Zhan tell them, letting them go find the ghost themselves.

“I’m not even interested anymore.” Xiao Zhan leans on the side. He was excited about breaking into the abandoned old school, but the interest is gone after knowing the truth.

“Then, how should I make it up to you?”

Yibo buries his face in Xiao Zhan’s crook and starts eating. Xiao Zhan thought that it’ll be over with just a few kisses, but that guy’s hands start lifting his shirt and touching him.

“Fuck, are you crazy?” Xiao Zhan struggles and grabs his hand. “Don’t touch my waist. It’s ticklish.”

“I thought you’re gonna say you’re hard.”

After the guys come out, Yibo drives them over. The old school campus is big with buildings scattered sparsely. Many of them were already standing when the school took over.

The security room at the entrance has long been empty and they can jump right through the window. Xizi and Wang Liuliu are also there. They bring the group to the old red brick building. They all know what exactly the ‘ghost’ is and purposely leads them there to scare them.

“Our classroom is the brightest at night. There’s nothing blocking it in the front, so the moon shines in. The other places are all really dark. It’s good for scaring people,” Yibo says, pulling Xiao Zhan to his side.

These two don’t follow the others. Yibo shoots a glance at the guys and goes up with Xiao Zhan first.

The classroom door is wooden and opens easily with a kick. Xiao Zhan stands there, looking around. The back wall is practically all windows—no wonder this classroom can be so illuminated.

He walks to two desks next to the window in the last row. “This was your seat, right?”

“How’d you know?”

It’s easy to imagine—the view is great and the breeze blows in when the windows are open. Bad students usually like sitting here.

“We never changed classrooms. I sat here for two years. When I got here, the desk was still new.”

And now it’s like this, with a bunch of incomprehensible things that Yibo carved onto the top.

“Those are all my battle achievements.” Yibo digs out his keys and carves some strokes onto the desk. “Carving you in now too.”

“I’m your battle achievement too?”

Yibo shivers. He can understand these kinds of test questions. Shaking his head, he answers, “No, you’re the first person I like.”

Xiao Zhan scoffs and accepts this kind of flirting. As soon as Yibo finishes carving in the last dot, a bunch of wails and cries sound outside. Yibo pulls him to the corner stairwell outside, saying that the other group will probably be here soon.

The stairwell is practically pitch black. Yibo scoots back and clutches Xiao Zhan’s arms. Xiao Zhan tries pulling his arms out but fails, so he gets close to Yibo’s ears and whispers if he’s scared of the dark.

Yibo ducks back with his shoulders hunched. “A little.”

“Then how can you be a cop?”

“I’m working on getting over it.”

With that, Yibo darts out. Xiao Zhan hears a muffled thud and Dashu’s pathetic cry.

After the group realizes that they’ve been pranked, they toss some insults and go home to sleep. When they get to the track, Xiao Zhan stops. Yibo turns, asking what’s wrong. Touching around himself, Xiao Zhan asks him, “Do you have my phone?”

“No?” Yibo digs through his pockets and shakes his head. “Can’t find it?”

“Yeah.”

Yibo calls his number, but there’s no sound in the empty school. It’s not in the van either. They look through where he went in the campus without finding it. Then they come the next day, but it’s still missing, so Xiao Zhan gives up. It’s not like his dad lets him bring his phone to school. He’ll just manage with an old one.

They return to school together in the afternoon. Xiao Zhan’s backpack is still at home, so he goes back. His dad asks where he’s been these past days. After packing up his belongings, Xiao Zhan says that he went out with Dashu.

“Where’s your phone? Don’t bring it to school. Leave it at home.”

Xiao Zhan stands at the doorway. He hesitates but says that he lost it.

“Lost it?” His dad looks at him for a long while before sighing. “I won’t buy you a phone until graduation. There’s only half a semester left and I’m letting you run out and live outside as you please, but you better get a good grade at the end of this semester. Otherwise, I’ll rent a house near your school next semester and have your mom accompany you.”

Xiao Zhan knows that his dad would never joke about serious stuff, so he just nods and says he got it. Then he slings on his backpack and runs out. Yibo and Qiang-ge are still waiting for him on the street.


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How come you’re here suddenly?” 
> 
> “I just suddenly wanted to see you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> original authors note: the school arc ends here. those who only wanted the school part can stop now. please don't read if you don't like the rest
> 
> my note: the school arc actually ends at the end of this chap/beginning of next chap lol
> 
> translation notes: this chap is about lunar/chinese new year aka spring festival. on new years eve, you should eat a reunion dinner with the elders of your family. the rest of the days are for visiting relatives. the holiday ends on the 15th with a lantern festival and another reunion dinner
> 
> *the dates are according to the lunar calendar
> 
> shifan: university for teacher-training/educational majors  
> fairy sticks: idk the english term but like... the sparklers that xz used in his bday photoshoot

The temperature has cooled down completely. The wet cold air digs into their bones, so they don’t go out as often anymore.

Spring Festival holiday will be in February and then there’ll be a competition. Xiao Zhan knows what’s important—he spends practically all his time studying in the classroom. There is one last ranking of the semester. If he stays in the top 30, then he can stay in this class. If not, then he’s out.

Wang Yibo doesn’t go to the track that much anymore either. After class, he comes to sit in Xiao Zhan’s classroom, filling out the papers that the old man gives him or copying down English words on his notebook. His science subjects aren’t bad to the point of being hopeless. If he crams during this time, he can still manage to pass. As for English, it’ll depend all on luck. If he’s lucky, he might guess the answers for a passing grade.

Xiao Zhan usually doesn’t feel the pain of school when studying and messing around at the same time. Now, he’s studying every waking minute and his thermos is filled with either coffee or tea. Sometimes, Yibo takes his thermos, blows the tealeaves on the surface, and drawls, “Drink a mouthful of Zhan-ge’s green tea every day and I think I can make it to Tsinghua.”

Xiao Zhan glances at him with dark bags under his eyes. “You can’t sleep at night if you drink too much.”

As expected, Yibo can’t sleep that night and keeps turning on the top bunk. Xiao Zhan tells him to go recite his essay in the bathroom.

This goes on for more than a month. When the grades for the final exam come out, Xiao Zhan is happier to know that Yibo passed all six subjects than the fact that he himself stayed in the top 30.

Their holiday only starts on the 28th and school starts up again on the 8th. Wang Yibo says he’ll come find Xiao Zhan after he’s done with everything. On New Year’s Eve, Xiao Zhan rests against the window and calls Yibo. It’s so loud on Yibo’s side that he can’t hear his voice. All he can hear are the thunderous fireworks.

He looks up at the small string of fireworks from somewhere. The city started banning fireworks this year, but many families still set them. It’s not as festive as before though. The big fireworks festival on the 15th will probably be canceled too.

His dad isn’t strict with him these days. He’s satisfied with Xiao Zhan’s final exam grades and gave him quite a lot of money for New Years. Even if Xiao Zhan wants to stay out the whole night, he just has to call and his dad’ll agree. Yibo’s family seems busy though. He went to the north with his mom–his grandma’s home. Yibo says that she’s the only family for him and his mom and they have to go back every year, so Xiao Zhan tells him that he shouldn’t hurry back. There are ten days, anyway. After school starts, there’s still the Lantern Festival on the 15th.

He doesn’t expect Yibo to come find him on the 5th.

It’s still midnight and Xiao Zhan is getting ready to sleep when Yibo calls him, asking if he can come out or not. He says he’s at the school entrance.

Xiao Zhan thinks that Yibo’s sudden appearance is a surprise for him. When he puts on his clothes and hurries over, Yibo hugs him immediately. He buries his face in Xiao Zhan’s wide scarf and refuses to come out.

The two or three passersby look at them as they pass the school entrance. He makes Yibo let go first.

“How come you’re here suddenly?” he asks Yibo.

“I just suddenly wanted to see you.”

He looks at Wang Yibo. The boy seems to have cried earlier—the tip of his nose and cheeks are bright red, either because of the wind or from wiping away tears.

“What happened?”

Yibo sniffs. Leaning against the tree trunk, he pulls out a pack of cigarettes and puts one in his mouth. “I fought with my mom. I spent the entire afternoon in the internet cafe and just really wanted to see you at night.”

“How come you fought with her again?”

Yibo doesn’t answer. He throws down the cigarette and puts it out with his foot. He scuffs at the dirt on the ground for a stretch of silence before mumbling, “She never got married, actually. My dad was a cop. He said he’ll come marry her after the mission ends. But he never came back.”

When Xiao Zhan hears this, he suddenly understands why Yibo’s mom isn’t willing to let him become a police officer. She’s scared of losing her son in the same way.

“But you insist on being a police officer?”

Yibo nods.

XIao Zhan sighs. “One of you two’ll have to take a step back. Go talk to her. She won’t force you too much.”

He knows Yibo’s personality; his mom would definitely know him even better. Xiao Zhan doesn’t know just how obsessed Yibo is with this career. All he can do now is to encourage Yibo to have a good chat with his mom instead of running to the city at midnight and holing up in the internet cafe.

“I’ll go back with you. You can’t spend New Years in the internet cafe.”

The earliest bus back is at 5 a.m. They sit in the station for four hours. Xiao Zhan buys a magazine and sits there, reading; Yibo rests against his shoulder and falls asleep. When they get into the bus, Xiao Zhan sleeps, wakes up, and they’re still in the wilderness. Yibo’s head, resting against the window, keeps knocking on the glass with the train’s rattling. He doesn’t seem to mind the pain.

“Have you thought about doing anything else?”

Yibo glances at him and says no.

“Have you thought about what to do if your mom refuses to let you be a cop?”

Yibo says no again. Maybe he knows too that his mom can’t be more stubborn than him.

“I think you should think for your mom too. After all, you’re her only kid.” Xiao Zhan pushes down the hand that Yibo placed on his thigh and squeezes it twice. “Don’t you have a competition next semester? If you get an award, you can consider changing your major.”

“Are you scared too?” Yibo asks him.

“Scared of what?”

“Me being a cop.”

Xiao Zhan considers it and shakes his head. “I think it’s pretty good, but I’ve never experienced that fear, so I can’t say for sure. If something happens around me, I’ll probably be more scared than your mom.”

When they get to the place, Yibo doesn’t call for anyone to pick them up. They get a taxi at the entrance. The driver takes a shortcut and Xiao Zhan sees the beach and dam that he went to with Yibo over October Holiday. Yibo has the driver park there and leads Xiao Zhan out.

The water has risen a lot, flooding over the rock where they put their clothes on last time. It’s still quite far from Yibo’s house and Xiao Zhan asks how they’ll get back later. Walking to the riverside, Yibo stretches lazily and says he’ll call Qiang-ge to come pick them up.

Yibo takes some pebbles and skips them–they jump seven times on the water surface before falling in. Xiao Zhan isn’t that great with water-related things. A bunch of pebbles plop in before he can get two or three skips.

“I grew up in the water.” Yibo swings his arm and a rock flies out, skipping across the water even after it hops a few times. “My dad came back once, actually. It was just when I started remembering things. He told my mom that if he can’t get off this ship anymore once he gets on. I always thought that he was in the ocean and couldn’t come back, so I liked staying in the river when I was a kid. It feels like the ocean.”

As he listens, Xiao Zhan’s brows furrow. “What exactly did your dad do?”

“He was already an undercover agent when he met my mom. My mom got pregnant and he was too scared to marry her, so he had her move here. He only came back once or twice, but my mom has lived here for more than ten years now. No one here knows who my dad is. I don’t know either, to be honest. I only know all this ‘cause I asked my mom after I grew up.”

Wang Yibo doesn’t look at him; Xiao Zhan gazes at his side profile. There’s a tear streak on that face flushed from the wind.

“My mom said he can’t come back anymore. She doesn’t let me talk to other people about my dad. Back then, I didn’t get why I couldn’t talk about him. He’s already dead. But later, I asked around for a long time and learned that his case never got an ending. There’s no one who can explain what happened to my dad or clear his name. It’s just like a criminal died.”

It takes Xiao Zhan a long time to process everything he just heard. If he hadn’t heard it from Yibo's mouth, he never would've thought that this could be real. Before leaving, he asks Yibo if he misses his dad. Yibo says, _Not really_. His only impression of his dad is that ship that you can't get off once you get on and that river where he thought he could sit in and see his dad. He wants to do what his dad couldn't. He wants to be better than his dad.

That's when Xiao Zhan finally understands Yibo's obsession. When they get home and Yibo talks to his mom, he doesn't say anything. This isn't something he can participate in; it's not right no matter what side he takes. He sits downstairs instead. Wang Qiang is there too and takes a piece of candy out of his pocket for him.

Wang Qiang asks if Xiao Zhan has a girlfriend. Xiao Zhan hasn't put the candy in his mouth yet. Taken aback, he shakes his head. "I wouldn't dare get a girlfriend in third-year."

"Yeah, you can find a better girl in university in the future," Wang Qiang says.

Xiao Zhan nods, going with the flow. Maybe Wang Qiang doesn't know that Yibo is gay either.

"I'm quite jealous of you." Wang Qiang sits on the sofa, changing the channels on Yibo's TV. "Your grades are good, your looks are good. Even if I'm not scarred, I still can't compare to you. I'm sure many people like you."

"No." Xiao Zhan doesn't know how to reply. He's not used to these kinds of words, nor does he like them, but he doesn't get annoyed with Wang Qiang. Counting on his fingers, he says, "I have a pretty small social circle. Don't have a lot of friends either."

Wang Qiang laughs, eyes crinkling. "High school is for studying well. You can make friends in college. Yibo just doesn't like studying. If he's even half as obedient as you, I can get him into a good college too. I went to a _shifan_ school before and really wanted to stay and work as a teacher after graduating, but then–"

Before he can finish, the gate is pushed in. Xizi comes in on his motorcycle with Wang Liuliu. The girl runs toward the house as soon as she gets off the bike. Coming in, she says happy new years to Xiao Zhan.

She's wearing a red wool jacket and seems to have put makeup on. Xiao Zhan greets her back. Xizi pushes the door in, asking where Yibo is. Xiao Zhan points upstairs and Yibo happens to come down just then. Seeing them, he asks why they're all here. Xizi points at Wang Liuliu, saying she wanted to come over to see Xiao Zhan.

Xizi and Wang Liuliu stay here the entire day, while Wang Qiang goes back to work. The four play mahjong. When he gets the chance, Xiao Zhan asks Yibo how the discussion went with his mom. Yibo digs the snacks out of the cabinet and squats there, scratching his head.

"Just, both of us take a step back, I guess. I told her I'll try my best to get into a university next semester and decide after graduating. If I really can't get in, then I can only go to the police academy. Plus, that problem is only a probability thing. It won't happen to every cop."

"So you still want to become a police officer after graduating."

"At least she doesn't have to worry for a few more years." Yibo shrugs. "I can stay with you for a few more years too. If I really go to police academy, we'll be long-distance."

Xiao Zhan fills his arms with snacks. Standing up, he says, "There's only half a year left. What kind of good school do you think you can get into? But if you pay me tuition, I can help tutor you."

"Then I'll give you a 200-yuan red envelope later."

At night, Xiao Zhan gets a call from his dad, saying that they have to visit relatives on the sixth. He wants to bring Xiao Zhan to see that extremely-successful cousin again, so he has to go home. The bus to the city has already stopped, so Xiao Zhan promises he'll hurry home first thing next day and be in time for visiting relatives.

He tells Yibo that he has to ride the earliest bus back. They'd barely slept last night and spent the entire day today playing mahjong. After showering, Xiao Zhan wraps Yibo's fuzzy blanket around him and is just about to dive into bed when he hears Xizi calling out downstairs.

They walk to the window. Xizi drove the white van to Yibo's house and is calling them to go down.

Yibo says they're not going, but Xizi waves his hand and says impatiently, "Not going my ass! We got an entire van of firecrackers. Get down here."

Xiao Zhan rubs his nose with his blanket-covered hand and pats Yibo, saying, _Let's go_. They only have a few days left to have fun.

There are quite a lot of people in the van and they're mostly warm from squeezing together. Xizi drives them to the water reservoir and they carry all the firecrackers out of the trunk. They range from small poppers to torpedoes. There's even a half-meter-tall royal salute canon thing.

One of the guys’ family sells firecrackers, so he can fill a van of them every year. Yibo is used to it, but it’s Xiao Zhan’s first time surrounded by so many firecrackers and he has the time of his life.

He lights one and Yibo throws a torpedo into the water. That thing is way too powerful. When it lands in the shallow water, it creates a huge splash and knocks over the upended fireworks barrel. The ring of people standing around jump up immediately. They look like an ecstatic tribal group to Xiao Zhan watching from the side.

Wang Liuliu holds a handful of fairy sticks. The dozen sticks are lit up all at once, making them look like a torch. She hands it to Xiao Zhan and then lights another one for herself. Xiao Zhan hasn’t played with small sparklers like fairy sticks in a long time. He holds the entire handful before him. It’s indeed prettier than just lighting a single one.

“It looks like you’re holding a bouquet of flower. I wanna take a picture.”

“Sure.”

After answering, Xiao Zhan calls for Yibo to look at the bouquet and stops paying attention to Wang Liuliu, but the light is already extinguished by the time Yibo comes over. Xiao Zhan tosses down the fairy sticks. Wang Liuliu gives him the entire bag of unlit ones by her feet and he and Yibo light them all in one go.

Xizi calls them over, saying it’s the new year, so if they want to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, they should hurry up and make a wish. The two stand to the side, laughing. Only Xizi and Wang Liuliu actually close their eyes and mumble things seriously.

They light all the firecrackers in the van—even the poppers—and Xizi drives them back. When he goes to send back Yibo and Xiao Zhan, Yibo asks for the van. He says that Xiao Zhan is leaving tomorrow morning, so he wants to give him a ride.

On the way back home, Yibo makes a U-turn. Xiao Zhan sees how the car headlights are the only lights in the blackness before them and asks where they’re going.

“Going to get a lesson from Xiao-laoshi. My mom’s at home, so we can’t there.” Yibo floors the gas pedal.

The school is as deserted as before with the window to the security guard’s room wide open. They park the van at the entrance and flip in a bit clumsily in their winter jackets. The window snags Xiao Zhan’s sweater. He tugs out the yarn and turns to shut the window.

They walk into the red brick building and go all the way to the top. Yibo’s classroom is still so bright—probably because they just walked out of the blackness so dark they could barely see their shadows.

Electricity has been cut from the school long ago. Thankfully, the moonlight can illuminate the classroom, but the moon isn’t great tonight, hazily shining in on the layer of dust on the desks.

Yibo hugs Xiao Zhan, kissing him, kissing until his lips go numb and yet he still licks his lips, encircles his waist and says that doing this kind of shit in a classroom is so exciting.

Taking off his wool coat, Yibo lays it over the desk with Xiao Zhan’s name carved on the top. He has Xiao Zhan sit on it and squeezes in between his legs to hug him.

Xiao Zhan ruffles the head buried in and kissing his neck, asking, _Aren’t you here for a lesson?_ Yibo raises his head. He looks at Xiao Zhan with watery eyes, but his smile isn’t innocent at all.

“I have to pay tuition before going to class, right?” He sticks a hand into Xiao Zhan’s pants and touches his ass. “How about you teach me while I pay you the tuition? What should we learn today? How about biology?”

Xiao Zhan’s entire body is heated from Yibo’s actions, so he takes off his jacket. He only has a thin high-collared black sweater inside. Yibo lifts his sweater and lies on his chest, sucking at his nipple. The fuzzy outside of the sweater tickles him when it touches his body, making him stick his chest up, into Yibo’s mouth.

“Stop sucking. I’m a guy. You’re not gonna get milk.” He presses Yibo’s head down so the boy is squatting under his crotch. He pushes his boner to Yibo’s lips. “Lick.”

Yibo wraps his lips around Xiao Zhan’s dick and looks up at him like a puppy begging for praise, waiting for Xiao Zhan to pat his head and say _good boy_. Xiao Zhan doesn’t look at him. His pants have already been stripped by Yibo and his bare legs are spread out with Yibo squatting in the middle, giving him a blow job. Yibo has only taken off his coat; he only has a sweater left.

The surrounding air is cold. Only they are hot. Xiao Zhan half-lies on the desk while his lower half is practically hovering in mid-air, only supported by Yibo. That hot dick thrusts in and out of his body. The sticky sounds of bodies slapping against each other echo throughout the empty classroom.

Xiao Zhan’s entire body is covered in sweat and the fringe on his forehead is already damp. Yibo makes him sit there again and thrusts in with arms wrapped around his neck. This posture practically folds Xiao Zhan over and he can’t even budge.

“Wang Yibo, take off your clothes,” he stammers. “I want to hug you.”

Yibo lets go of Xiao Zhan and tugs his shirt off by the collar. Xiao Zhan’s legs are still intertwined around his waist. Hugging him, Yibo gives him a kiss and starts fucking again. Xiao Zhan presses his lips against Yibo’s body, kissing his collarbone. Lowering his head, Yibo whispers in Xiao Zhan’s ears, “We’ve got the field play that Zhan-ge wanted. Hurry and think what we should play next.”

Xiao Zhan laughs into his shoulder. That’s from such a long time ago.

“Why don’t you think about from when I got my eyes on you?”

Xiao Zhan says that he knows. No one would give 60- _yuan_ to a roommate that they’d only talked to a few times for no reason, especially when they didn’t even know what that 60- _yuan_ was for.

Yibo grunts. His cheeks are red, seemingly a bit embarrassed. He lifts Xiao Zhan down and has him lie there to fuck him from behind.

They suddenly hear a crisp sound. Then Yibo gets hit in the foot. They’d moved too crazily and crashed into the chairs that had been tossed around carelessly.

Yibo pries Xiao Zhan’s ass open and watches as the swollen red asshole takes his dick in again and again. Lowering his head, he kisses the exposed waist a few times. His tongue licks the scar on Xiao Zhan’s waist and the boy under him trembles, clenching tightly around him, and it makes him fuck even more fiercely. In the end, he hugs Xiao Zhan tightly and they cum together.

Afterward, they lie in the classroom. Xiao Zhan’s breathing evens and he almost falls asleep. Yibo puts his clothes on and sits on a chair, touching Xiao Zhan’s bare legs, asking if he’s cold. Xiao Zhan nods with his eyes closed.

Yibo brings his clothes over and helps Xiao Zhan put them on, one article of clothing after another. As their body heat goes down, it starts getting cold again. They’re both sweaty and start shivering shortly.

Thunder suddenly claps outside, rumbling for half a minute before the rain starts coming down. They think that it’s just a short thundershower, but it goes on for a while without any sign of stopping. The room gets colder and colder.

“Let’s go sleep at home.”

Yibo pulls him up and they run out under the rain. The window to the security room is open and the table next to the window is completely wet with water dripping down. Xiao Zhan steps on the table, but he’s so tired that he doesn’t have the energy to do anything else now. Yibo calls from the van for him to hurry up. After getting into the car, he rests against the seat and falls asleep before Yibo finishes reversing. Yibo even has to carry him out when they get home.

He gets shaken awake the next morning. It’s not even daybreak yet.

“Don’t you have to take the morning bus? Get up.”

Xiao Zhan didn’t get enough sleep—he’s slept less than five hours in total for the past two days. He lies in bed for a while longer until it’s light out. When Yibo drives him to the station, the first bus has just driven off, so they sit and wait for the next bus in half an hour.

Xiao Zhan’s dad calls him, asking why he hasn’t gone back yet. Xiao Zhan says he’ll definitely make it back before noon. As soon as he hangs up, Yibo gets a phone call. He sees that it’s from Xizi.

The station is too loud and he can’t hear clearly what Xizi says to Yibo. He just sees Yibo’s smiling face turn deathly pale.

When Yibo hangs up, he sits, dazed, for a few seconds before turning to him and saying that Wang Liuliu died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe anyway this is why i tagged major character death. it's not a major character, but it's a major death (does that make sense lol)
> 
> any predictions as to what will happen next? what do you think about yibo's background?


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knows that Wang Qiang blames this on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not replying to any comments from last chapter! they're mostly about liuliu and you'll get the answers in this chap. 
> 
> dictionary:  
> \- sanlun: three-wheeled vehicle like [this](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRunW-ufAdaQVnNicR2cnEB1ag4Iakss0GIbQ&usqp=CAU)  
> \- according to tradition, ppl stay with the dead for a few days (supposedly 49 days??) before the casket is buried. you can burn paper money so they can use it in the afterlife
> 
> tw: mentions of death, murder, suicide; blood, gore; implied mild anxiety  
> with that said, this chap is a FULL ROLLERCOASTER. get readyyyyyyyyy

In the end, Xiao Zhan doesn’t make it back. Wang Yibo drives directly to the reservoir. The surroundings have already been taped off and the group from yesterday has all been called over.

The place with the caution tape is exactly where they set off the firecrackers. It rained the entire night and the shore has long been flooded over, so all that remains are the heavier paper shells and some fairy sticks in the grass. The spectators say that someone passed by in the morning and saw someone sprawled on the shore. When they were dragged out, they’d already stopped breathing and the body was bloated from the water.

The body is now covered with a white sheet and hasn’t been pulled away yet. It just lies there quietly, river waves lapping at it. Police officers stand in the water, saying in frustration that they can’t collect evidence at all.

Xiao Zhan’s wrist is trapped in Yibo’s death grip. It hurts. Yibo stares at the corpse until the red capillaries show in his eyes. Xiao Zhan pulls his hand out and squats down. He’s been dazed since he heard the news this morning. He still remembers clearly how Wang Liuliu gave him that big handful of fairy sticks last night, but now, she’s just lying in the dirt by the shore, with only a thin sheet over her body.

He lowers his head. It doesn’t feel good to realize that death really does just happen in an instant.

When he raises his head, he sees someone—Wang Qiang sits under a tree, crying with his head down. His dad stands to the side, pointing at him and saying something.

Wang Qiang has a cap and mask on. Only his tear-filled eyes are visible. Xizi comes over to Yibo with snot still hanging from his crying face. He says that Wang Qiang went crazy when he came over in the morning and had to be pinned down by the cops. When Xiao Zhan looks again, Wang Qiang is looking straight at them. He shudders.

His phone rings in his pocket again. It’s his dad. Looking at the string of numbers, Xiao Zhan doesn’t know what to say. He just lets the call end and sends a text saying he can’t go back anymore. Then he puts it back into his pocket and ignores it.

They get called to the local police station for the testimonial. As soon as they enter, they’re separated and led to different places. Xiao Zhan sits alone for a long time. His phone gets taken away too.

He watches as the sun grows bigger and bigger outside until it circles to the south. It’s already noon and no one has come over. He’s the only person in the empty room—it’s like sitting in a jail cell.

The sun shines through the window to the table before him. He places his hand on it, letting the patch of sunlight shine on his hand, but it's still so cold, devoid of warmth. After who knows how long, someone finally comes in–an old man with thick glasses and a young man. They sit down across from him and, without any preamble, ask him what happened last night.

Xiao Zhan tells them honestly. They went to the reservoir around 10 p.m. to set off firecrackers and played for a long time, around one to two hours. The only interaction he had with Wang Liuliu was when the girl gave him a handful of fairy sticks and then an entire bag. They set them off in one go.

The old officer takes out a picture and asks him if it's the fairy sticks in the grass. Xiao Zhan nods and the man signals for him to continue.

"After that, Wang Shuangxi drove everyone to the main road. They don't live far, so they walked back themselves. I was going to catch the morning bus home, so Wang Yibo asked for the van to give me a ride in the morning. We separated from Wang Shuangxi."

"Why did you plan to leave this morning?"

"I live in the city. My dad asked me to go back to visit relatives and demanded for me to go in the morning."

"What a coincidence."

Xiao Zhan's brows knit. "Yes," he says in an even tone. "I have the records on my phone. You can check."

The officer has him continue and think carefully about every detail from last night. Xiao Zhan doesn't know if he should reveal that he was at the school with Yibo. Amidst his hesitation, the officer calls out to him. He stares into Xiao Zhan's eyes and asks if he's thought of something.

"When I was holding the fairy sticks last night, Wang Liuliu said she wanted to take a picture of me. That's it," Xiao Zhan says surely. "Those are the only interactions I had with her."

"I heard that she likes you?"

Xiao Zhan inhales sharply. He forgot about this.

"Yes, she got a crush on me at the start of third year, but I don't like her. I don't interact with her that much either. We just hang out occasionally when I visit the county. We hung out once or twice in the city too, but always in a group."

"Why don't you like her?"

"Because I'm gay," Xiao Zhan says calmly.

The officer doesn't seem to react when he hears those words and just asks who he's with.

"Wang Yibo."

The man nods and looks down at his notebook. The other officer keeps typing. The room is so silent that Xiao Zhan can only hear his own breathing.

He feels that they must've come to him after asking Yibo questions. He lifts his head, rolling his neck. If they really ask, then he'll just say it. He's not scared of anything.

"Did you two go home directly after separating from Wang Shuangxi?" the officer starts asking again.

"No, we went to the abandoned high school."

"To do what?"

Xiao Zhan squeezes his forefinger and the tip goes white. He pauses for two seconds, then opens his mouth and utters, "To have sex."

Everyone in the room seems to freeze. The clacking keyboard stops too and the old officer finally moves his gaze from his notebook to Xiao Zhan's face in interest.

The typing officer glances at the older one and chuckles a bit awkwardly. But the man's eyes stare at Xiao Zhan from under the thick glasses and ignores him, so the younger officer turns back to type on his laptop.

"Until what time?"

"I don't know. I didn't look at the time. We went home around 20 minutes after it started pouring and didn't go anywhere else."

"Did you return to where you set off firecrackers?"

"No."

After that, they ask him many, many questions about last night, including who he hung out with. Xiao Zhan doesn't actually know them that well. Other than Yibo, Xizi is the only person he closer to. Xiao Zhan feels that he’s already recounted those two hours a dozen times and has said practically every word in his brain. If they keep pressing, he’ll probably have to tell them what positions they used in the classroom.

When his tongue feels like cardboard from talking, the old officer finally starts packing up and lets him leave. But before he exits, the man tells him that he can’t leave the county for now. They might go find him at any time.

“I’m starting school on the eighth,” he tells them.

“Then stay here until the eighth.”

The police station is quite empty. There’s no one here other than the few security guards. Xiao Zhan’s phone is filled with unanswered calls from his dad. He calls back and hears his mom’s breakdown mixed in with his dad’s hurried questions, asking him what’s going on, what it has to do with him. It’s now that Xiao Zhan realizes his hands are trembling.

He walks out of the police station and squats under a tree, rubbing his face. Then he tells his dad that a girl they hung out with drowned in the river last night. He doesn’t know what the situation is. The police are still investigating.

Xiao Zhan feels his temples pulsing. His head hurts.

“It’s got nothing to do with me, but I have to cooperate with their investigation.”

He explains for more than ten minutes through the phone before they let him hang up. Yibo comes out and squats beside him. He feels for the cigarette pack in his pocket by habit, but there’s nothing there. They hurried to the bus station in the morning, then hurried to the river from the bus station, then was dragged to the police station from the river. No one even gave them a chance to breathe.

“Did you tell them?” Yibo asks. “About us going to the school yesterday.”

“Yeah.”

Yibo nods. “Just tell the truth.”

Xizi and the others haven’t come out yet. The two squat there without talking. Yibo hangs his head, staring at the tip of his toes as if frozen there. After a long while, he lifts his head, supporting it with a hand.

“Will it be easy?” Xiao Zhan asks Yibo, staring at the gilded sign of the police station.

“Don’t know.” Yibo shakes his head. “The county barely has any security cameras and the rain was too heavy last night. The shore was all flooded and so many people were there when the cops went this morning. Who knows how much evidence got destroyed?”

When the others come out, their faces are all drawn. They say they want to go visit Wang Liuliu’s home. Yibo asks if Xiao Zhan wants to go and Xiao Zhan stands up, saying they can go together. The police won’t let him leave anyway.

There are many people crowded inside Wang Liuliu’s home. Her dad sits there, smoking without speaking. There’s also a boy, around seven or eight years old, who screams that he’s hungry. Wang Liuliu’s mom wipes the tears from her eyes and says that she’ll go make food for him.

That must be Wang Liuliu’s little brother. It seems that he doesn’t care about his sister’s death at all—or it’s not as important as his empty stomach.

Everyone in the house clamors to comfort the victim’s parents who don’t even seem as sad as Qiang-ge this morning. And they act as if they’re clever detectives, asking them what time Wang Liuliu came back last night, where she went, if they’d seen her.

Her dad says, _How would I’ve seen her? She’s outside all day like a crazy person, running around with a bunch of boys. Look what happened now? Ran around and lost her life._

They stand in the yard without speaking. The people inside peer at them as if scared that the others don’t know who her father is talking about. From when they were pulled away by the cops this morning, these Sherlocks who only know that they’d ridden the same vehicle before have already figured out all the causes and effects. Some can even recount a whole movie. There’s no point in staying there.

Some of the group get taken away by their frazzled parents as soon as they walk out of the yard. Only Xizi and the two of them remain. Xizi’s dad is sitting in Wang Liuliu’s home—he’s close with her parents. Xizi squats on the side of the road and starts crying again, his snot dripping to the ground. Convulsing with sobs, he says that even though he’s not as important to Wang Liuliu as Yibo and Qiang-ge, they’d still known each other since they were born. How can she just leave like this?

Yibo stands there, frowning. After a while, he kicks Xizi’s leg, saying he wants to go visit Qiang-ge.

Their van was taken by the cops, so they stop a _sanlun_. They’re not in the mood to take the ten-minute walk.

Wang Qiang’s family’s restaurant is still open. Practically every table is discussing this news. The cashier tells them Wang Qiang is in the backyard, so they go through the back kitchen. They see Wang Qiang sitting there in the chef’s white outfit and a plastic dark green apron. The blood on the apron is black. It turns red when it seeps to the white clothing.

They walk over. Wang Qiang is butchering fish, chopping the meat into chunks, lifting the knife above his head and bringing it back down. A fish breaks apart completely and some fleshy bits fly out.

A chef passing by taps Xiao Zhan with a hand covered in oil, telling him not to mess with Wang Qiang. He’s lost his mind and chopped the entire morning, chopping up everything choppable in the restaurant.

“Qiang-ge,” Yibo calls out.

Wang Qiang tosses the knife into the basin. He takes off his arm sleeves and wipes his face with the comparatively clean fabric, and looks up at them. “You’re here?”

He’s not wearing a mask or cap. When Xiao Zhan suddenly sees his face, his chest still tightens.

Wang Qiang’s eyes are swollen like a goldfish’s. He looks at Yibo, looks at Xizi, and looks at Xiao Zhan. Finally, looking at Xiao Zhan, he calls out Yibo’s name.

“Yibo, why didn’t you drive her home last night?”

“She got off with the rest. I thought it’ll be fine.” Yibo reaches out to pull Xiao Zhan, but the latter doesn’t move. He just stands there, staring back at Wang Qiang, so Yibo takes a step, blocking Wang Qiang’s gaze. He says, “Don’t look at him. He was with me the entire night. We didn’t separate.”

Wang Qiang sits there for a while. Then he nods and walks away with the basin. Xizi leans against the wall, tugging at his hair. His voice sounds like he’s about to cry again when he says he can’t think of anyone who would kill Wang Liuliu. That chef leans against the doorframe, eating sesame seeds, and laughs. _You know someone killed her? What if it’s suicide? I always thought that girl was messed up._

Xizi walks over and jabs a finger at the chef, yelling at him until his neck turns red. Yibo pulls Xiao Zhan out while people in the restaurant try to break up the fight. He says that a few people drown in the river every year. It could be that she slipped accidentally because of the rain.

“Qiang-ge suspects me?” Xiao Zhan stands there and asks.

“Ignore him. He’s gone crazy. If it were me, I’d go crazy too.”

“Do you think it’s suicide?”

“There’s got to be a reason.” Yibo’s voice is raspy and almost covered by the din from the restaurant. He furrows his brows and closes his eyes for a long time before he opens them and says, “If they investigate, it’ll just be these few days. If someone drowns here, people’ll forget in less than half a month.”

The streets are as they always seem. After they finish discussing what happened this morning, the people start chatting about everyday matters again.

When they get home, Yibo’s mom asks them what exactly happened last night as soon as she sees them. All they can do is sit there and recount everything to her, even saying they went to the school. Yibo doesn’t say what they did there, but seeing his mom stay silent, Xiao Zhan thinks that she’s guessed it. Finally, she sighs and says, _As long as nothing happened to you._

She’s just finished speaking when someone knocks on the door. The person says they’re the police and asks them to open up. Yibo’s mom opens the door and two men in uniform come in. They want to speak to Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan.

They stand in the yard and confirm multiple times if they’ve really gone to the school. They both nod and say yes. The police take them by their arms and make them go to the station for questioning.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t go in the same car as Yibo. When he gets in, he feels his heart lodged in his throat. But when he sits inside the police car, he calms down again. He thinks of how Yibo said it’ll be fine to tell the truth. This thing has nothing to do with them. There’s no way someone’s life will be randomly blamed on them.

Xiao Zhan meets the old man from that morning again. He peers at Xiao Zhan from above his glasses and asks the same questions from that morning. Xiao Zhan swallows and answers patiently. Then the man asks, _Are you sure only you two went to the school?_

“Yes.”

The man takes out a few pictures. They discovered the tire marks from their car at the school entrance, as well as their footprints before the security room.

Xiao Zhan nods. Is this any different from what he said?

The officer holds up another picture. “We also discovered Wang Liuliu’s footprints there. Think again carefully. Were you two really the only two people in the school yesterday?”

Xiao Zhan freezes as soon as he asks. They _really_ were the only two in the school. He didn’t see Wang Liuliu since she got off the van with the group.

“And you said that Wang Liuliu took a picture of you yesterday. We found her phone, but there’s no picture of you inside. If she really did like you, as people said, then she probably wouldn’t delete it herself, right?”

Xiao Zhan gapes at the officer’s eyes. It’s only a few sentences, but his brain to cram them in. He doesn’t panic—he’s just dazed. What does this mean? He’s lying? He’s a suspect now?

“She said she wanted to take a picture of me. I agreed, but I didn’t look. I don’t know if she took it or not either.”

“Why didn’t you look?” The officer’s voice doubles in volume.

That nauseous feeling comes again and Xiao Zhan subconsciously raises his voice too. “Because I’m not interested. I didn’t care how I turned out in her picture. I only cared about calling Wang Yibo over to look at my fairy sticks and didn’t pay attention to her.”

When he finishes, the old officer squints and leans back in his chair.

“I’m sure that only Wang Yibo and I were at the school last night. I didn’t see her since she got off the car and I didn’t see her at the school. It was raining heavily when we left and it was dark. I didn’t…”

Xiao Zhan pauses. The officer springs up from his seat in reaction. It was raining heavily last night and the security room was drenched. Water dripped down the table to the ground.

He clearly closed the window after climbing in.

“Did you think of something?”

“We climbed in through the window of the security room last night, but I closed the window,” he says. “When we came out, the table before the window was covered in water. The ground was wet too. Someone must’ve opened the window.”

“Was the window open when you two left?”

“I don’t know.” Xiao Zhan shakes his head. “Wang Yibo was in front of me. I was too tired and didn’t pay attention.”

The younger officer gets up and walks out. Xiao Zhan knows that he’s gone to go ask Yibo. A short while later, he comes back and whispers to the older officer. The latter stands up and looks at Xiao Zhan, telling him that Wang Yibo said the window was open when he climbed out. _Are you sure you closed it?_

“I’m sure.”

The officer doesn’t speak further. He just leans back and looks at him. Xiao Zhan breathes slowly. Like he’s gotten used to the tempo here, he sits and waits for the officer’s next sentence. He feels that there’s nothing to be scared of.

“What do you think her personality is like?”

“Not familiar.”

“Anything strange?”

“She kept staring at me when school first started, the kind of staring where she doesn’t hold back at all. It made me uncomfortable. That’s it.”

“Do you think she saw what you two did at the school last night?”

Xiao Zhan closes his eyes. He’s thought of this, but then what? Then is it that she couldn’t accept what she saw and chose to commit suicide? He squeezes his eyes shut, not daring to keep thinking.

“Of course, that’s just a possibility, under the conditions that you two didn’t lie. After all, you two were together the entire day today.”

When Xiao Zhan comes out of the interrogation room, he sees his parents. They want to bring him home, but the officers require him to stay in the county until the eighth. They heard about him and Yibo too, but faced with this death case, they don’t have the energy to ask why he’s dating a guy. They don’t let him go back to Yibo’s home and instead find a motel to stay in together. His dad says that if it can’t be resolved by the eighth, he’ll go find a lawyer.

Other than getting called to the police station for questioning one more time, he doesn’t go out again. His dad buys him all his meals.

Yibo calls him, saying that the autopsy show she died from drowning. There aren’t any other injuries on her body. They can’t find where she fell in anymore either. The scene is too heavily damaged and the shoreline was flooded.

“Is it suicide?”

He doesn’t hear Yibo’s reply and just hangs up. He can’t stomach the food before him at all. He really doesn’t understand why someone would kill themselves for this reason. Hadn’t he made it obvious enough that he didn’t like her?

The county’s motel is really shabby and the thin wooden door can’t block the voices from the hall. He hears, _That girl saw her crush having sex with someone else and couldn’t take it, so she jumped into the river to kill herself._ The rumors have spread in tenfold from the people at the reservoir with tidbits added in and all people hear are these disgusting words.

They don’t even know who she had a crush on or who had sex with whom. They just chat enthusiastically as if it’s a movie.

On the afternoon of the seventh, he’s finally allowed to leave. His dad calls a taxi outside the motel. Yibo doesn’t come. It’s Xiao Zhan who didn’t let him—he doesn’t know what his dad would say if he sees Yibo. Yibo says, _Okay, see you at school tomorrow._

Xiao Zhan doesn’t expect to see Wang Qiang. He’s driving his family’s van to transport things. Stopping by the taxi, he rolls down the window and asks Xiao Zhan, “Will you come to her funeral?”

Not looking at him, Xiao Zhan nods and says he’ll go.

“Thank you.”

When Xiao Zhan looks up, Wang Qiang has already driven away. His dad calls him to get in, so he does and leaves this place.

Xiao Zhan goes to school very early the next day. He sits in the classroom and people come to greet him. A new classmate sits in front of him and turns around to talk and he finally realizes that everything is still so normal here. He doesn’t leave the entire day—not even returning to his dorm. He pulls out one piece of homework after another. At the end of evening study hall, he’s done a set for every subject and he feels for the first time that studying can satisfy him more than anything else.

Yibo doesn’t come to his classroom that night. When he goes out, he sees Yibo sitting beside the flowerbed. Seeing Xiao Zhan, the boy stands up, pats his pants, and says to go back together.

“Are they still investigating?” Xiao Zhan asks Yibo while walking.

“Yeah, they asked everyone related to Liuliu, but they didn’t get any answers. There aren’t any additional injuries and she didn’t take drugs. There’s a big possibility that it’s suicide. That’s all I know. They won’t tell me any of the specifics. After all, I’m the biggest suspect.”

“One of them,” Xiao Zhan supplies. He halts and looks at Yibo. “Do you really think that someone would kill themselves because of this?”

“I don’t get it either why anyone would kill themselves for this, but I’m not her.” Yibo chuckles wryly. “I’ve thought of people close to her, but the cops must’ve checked them too. Xizi and the others didn’t go out again after going home that day. Wang Qiang stayed in his restaurant. She didn’t go find them, didn’t call them. The only thing we’re sure of is that she followed us to the school and left before us. We hadn’t even left the school when she died.”

Xiao Zhan nods and goes upstairs. That night, he smokes with Yibo on the rooftop. He sits with his back against the wall and asks Yibo when the funeral is.

“The 12th, Friday.”

“I’m going too.”

Yibo looks at him. Xiao Zhan knocks his head against the wall and tells Yibo that he should send her off. Otherwise, he’ll have to think of her his entire life.

On Thursday, Xiao Zhan takes leave from school and returns to the county with Yibo and the others. Wang Qiang doesn’t come pick them up. Someone says that he’s been busy helping Wang Liuliu’s family. They take the bus and don’t arrive until it’s dark out.

There aren’t many people in Wang Liuliu’s home. Even the coffin is placed casually. Her little brother is still squatting on the ground, playing with ants. Her dad sits at the door, yawning. Only Wang Qiang greets them.

Yibo and Xizi get called over to help. Xiao Zhan sits inside quietly, looking at Wang Liuliu’s black-and-white picture. They must’ve used her ID picture. There’s not a hint of a smile on her face.

“She actually died three times.”

Xiao Zhan turns suddenly. He didn’t realize when Wang Qiang went to stand behind him.

Looking at Wang Liuliu’s picture, he tells Xiao Zhan, “When she was born, her family was really poor. They didn’t want to raise a daughter at all, so her dad tried to strangle her. My dad and I saw, so we persuaded him to stop. In middle school, her house caught on fire and she couldn’t come out. I carried her out. Her leg was burned; my entire body was burned. This time, she fell in the water and still died in the end.”

Xiao Zhan grips his pants. He knows that Wang Qiang is blaming this on him. Clenching his jaw, he doesn’t answer and just stands up, walking out slowly. Leaving Wang Liuliu’s home, he kicks at a tree on the side of the road. He just keeps the emotions pent up. He wants to cry too.

The house empties out by midnight. Wang Liuliu’s parents have gone to sleep long ago and only the four of them are still sitting there. Wang Qiang tells Yibo that it’s the last day. _Accompany me here._ Yibo looks at Xiao Zhan and nods, letting him go back with Xizi.

“My mom’s at home. I’ll call her to let her open the door for you.”

Xizi pulls out his car keys and says to Xiao Zhan, “How about you go sleep at my place? I have to pick you up tomorrow morning anyway. Let’s just go together.”

“Okay.”

Just as they drive to the road, Xizi gets Wang Qiang’s call, telling them to wait. Wang Qiang opens the back door with a stack of paper in his arms and gets in. Xiao Zhan turns around, asking him what he’s doing.

“Take me to the reservoir. I want to burn some paper for her.”

Xiao Zhan’s brows knit. Xizi whispers to him that Qiang-ge has gone the past few days, so he nods and doesn’t say anything else.

The journey is eerily silent. No one speaks in the car. Xiao Zhan pulls out his phone to text Yibo, asking if he’s scared in the mourning hall. Yibo says that Wang Qiang left, so he went to Wang Qiang’s home to find something. He’s not there at the moment. Then he asks if they’ve reached Xizi’s house yet. Xiao Zhan types out that they’re taking a detour to take Wang Qiang to burn paper at the reservoir.

But before he can send the message, the car takes a sharp turn. Xiao Zhan crashes against the window, his head knocking hard, and everything spins. Xizi’s head slams into the steering wheel. He pops right back up, cussing, and starts turning the steering wheel. Behind them, Wang Qiang asks what’s wrong. He reaches over, grabbing the steering wheel so it doesn’t spin anymore.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t know if it’s from that crash or not, but his head feels heavy enough to fall off his neck. He doesn’t have the strength to help Xizi, but he sees Xizi sprawl onto the steering wheel. He doesn’t get up this time.

Wang Qiang stabilizes the car and drives it onto the main road. He practically squeezes to the front row.

“Xizi.”

Xiao Zhan shakes Xizi’s shoulder. No reaction. Just as he’s about to look up at Wang Qiang, his mouth gets covered. All he sees are Wang Qiang’s menacing, pretty eyes and the thick black mask below.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed when he wakes up. The moon is still so round, hanging in the air. He dry-heaves in nausea. Thinking of Wang Qiang’s face, he leans back in the chair. He doesn’t know if he’s still alive or not.

Xizi is still sprawled on his side. Xiao Zhan looks around. There’s a flagpole in the square on the left, but there’s no flag on it anymore. The red brick building is on the right. The window on the uppermost level shimmers with weak light.

They’re inside the school.

Xiao Zhan touches around his body—his phone is gone. He calls out to Xizi for a long time before the boy wakes up. His phone is missing too.

The stack of papers is tossed carelessly in the backseat. Xiao Zhan climbs to the back and flips around them. He sees one piece of paper with some words written on it, telling them to go up.

Wang Qiang took the car keys, so they can’t drive the car. Xizi says he’ll go and check it out. Xiao Zhan considers it and says through clenched teeth that he’ll go too.

Following Xizi, he reaches the top floor. Their phones are tossed on the ground before the classroom door and they go over to pick them up. Xiao Zhan’s phone is turned off. Xizi’s phone is filled with Yibo’s unanswered calls.

The classroom door is open. Xiao Zhan stands there, pressing the power button hard, but his phone just won’t turn on. He smells something pungent. It’s fishy and metallic.

“Fuck, who’s bleeding?”

Xizi looks at him; he shakes his head.

He peers inside the classroom. The moon illuminates half of the blackboard and he walks towards it, staring the pictures taped onto it. Xizi looks at him. He stands there, frozen.

Pictures of him having sex with Yibo that night fill the entire blackboard. Many of them are duplicates, covering the board densely.

Xizi’s shocked gaze moves from the blackboard to Xiao Zhan’s face, but there are no longer any emotions on his face. Xizi’s phone lights up again—it’s a call from Yibo. He picks up hurriedly. Xiao Zhan takes a few steps forward. In the phone, Yibo says that Liuliu’s death might have something to do with Wang Qiang. As soon as he finishes speaking, Xizi sees Xiao Zhan stumble back and bend over, throwing up. The vomit splashes onto his shoes. He moves his phone towards the corner in the last row. Wang Qiang is lying on the ground. He’s still wearing his mask and cap. His head rests against the wall and hangs down. The glaring gash on his neck connects with his black shirt, so it’s hard to see the blood streaming down. They can only see the puddle all around him.

The only colorful thing on his body is the picture in his hand. It’s a picture of Xiao Zhan’s side profile. He’s laughing while holding a bunch of fairy sticks and seems to be calling for someone.

Police cars light up the school that has been deserted for half a year. When Yibo hurries over, Xiao Zhan is sitting on the steps outside of the school. He walks over and Xiao Zhan looks up at him, asking if he’s the murderer.

“Maybe.” Yibo squats down before Xiao Zhan. “I found your lost phone at his house. It has pictures of us at the school that night.”

Xiao Zhan forcefully lifts his mouth into a smile and points upward. “The classroom has those pictures too—a whole blackboard. He was holding my picture when he died.”

Yibo reaches out to hug Xiao Zhan. He feels Xiao Zhan’s body tense. No reaction follows—he doesn’t hug back.

None of them sleep that night. They just wait at the police station and when morning comes, they get taken in for questioning. That phone only has Wang Liuliu and Wang Qiang’s fingerprints. Xiao Zhan reported it after he lost his phone, so the number in that phone is new. Wang Liuliu called Wang Qiang around 12 a.m. the day she died. It was right when it started raining. Wang Qiang has a box full of things that belonged to Wang Liuliu—even the half-burnt dress that Wang Liuliu had been wearing when he’d saved her from the sea of fire. They find many more pictures there too, some of Wang Liuliu, some of Xiao Zhan. The pictures of Xiao Zhan all have giant Xs on them. They were the ones that Yibo took on his phone. Wang Liuliu’s pictures are fanatically scribbled on with “Why” and “I love you” and “Don’t leave.” The patches of red ink look like the blood that flowed down Wang Qiang’s neck.

But practically everything that happened that night was swallowed up by the rain and river. Wang Qiang died in the place that they made love in too. No one can restore the scene. No one can determine whether Wang Qiang had tossed Wang Liuliu into the river and then taken her phone, or if Wang Liuliu had jumped into the river and left her phone to him.

Xiao Zhan returns that afternoon. He stays home as if nothing happened, while his parents keep nagging in fury, in worry. Finally, they clutch his hand, heartbroken, and ask if he can just be a normal high schooler for half a year and finish high school peacefully. He replies patronizingly and picks up his backpack to go to school.

He stands outside the classroom, looking at the seat next to the window in the last row, and asks his homeroom teacher if he can change his seat. Thus, he moves to the first row, right under the teacher’s eyes.

He sleeps very little. As soon as he closes his eyes, he sees that blackboard covered in pictures and the one clutched so tightly in Wang Qiang’s eyes. He doesn’t know how much Wang Qiang hates him. He thought that they could move past this by attending Wang Liuliu’s funeral. But in the end, Wang Qiang just carves all of this into his brain, stroke by stroke.

On Sunday, he gets called out suddenly. The homeroom teacher says that the police asked for him. He sits in a chair in the dean’s office and recounts the night Wang Liuliu died again. Then he recounts the night that Wang Qiang died. He can write all of this into an essay and recite it without stumbling, but the officers keep asking again and again. They say that county is placing high importance on this case.

Xiao Zhan nods. Just ask. He’ll cooperate.

He sees Yibo in the dean’s office. Yibo has just arrived and hasn’t taken off his backpack yet. The police tell Xiao Zhan to leave first, but he stands outside the door without leaving. It’s a long time before Yibo comes out. The police officer follows him, saying that they might get called over again. The dean comes out from the neighboring office to see the police out. Only they are left standing there, leaning against the wall.

“Wang Yibo,” Xiao Zhan whispers. “Let’s break up first.”

Yibo looks at him. He doesn’t speak but doesn’t seem surprised either. It’s like he already knows that Xiao Zhan would say this. It’s just a matter of time.

“All I see are those pictures when I close my eyes. I can’t take it anymore.”

The dean comes back and asks why they haven’t returned to class yet. Yibo moves away from the wall and goes around Xiao Zhan. After a few steps, he halts and looks back at Xiao Zhan.

“After I grow up, I’ll come back to find you.”

Xiao Zhan doesn’t reply. Just watches him walk out of that corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't notice when reading the 1st time, but while translating, i realized that the author did emphasize last chap that xz closed the window and that it was open when they left. sdfasdfa such foreshadowing
> 
> i think the ending of this chap is pretty reasonable and expected. xz has a history of escapism/trying to avoid/forget traumatic things. he's also shown that he's not good at dealing with stress, pain, death etc.  
> but what do you think about all this? let me know your thoughts!!
> 
> (and whoever suspected wang qiang is a bad guy... you're smart haha)


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn’t try to contact Wang Yibo again after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short transition chapter (but full of foreshadowing hehe)
> 
> *in china, you apply for schools and a major. then the schools admit you depending on your gaokao (college entrance exam) scores and the score requirement for the major. if you don't make it, then you have to take 3rd year again
> 
> *only the north has central heating. in the south, you either get independent heaters or you freeze hh

  


  


Xiao Zhan moves out of the dorm, but he doesn’t go to the new building either. He gets an apartment near campus and his mom goes over every day after school to cook for him.

In the beginning, Dashu would go over to hang out, but Xiao Zhan studies every waking second. Dashu sits on his bed, complaining that he’s gone dumb from studying, but Xiao Zhan keeps his eyes trained on the book, saying there are only a few months left. _Just let me study._ He stays up until he really can’t take it anymore before climbing into bed. Sometimes, he falls asleep right over the desk.

There are less than three months left. His class practically doesn’t distinguish between class and break time and it’s like they’re cut off from the rest of the school. Xiao Zhan doesn’t count as a weirdo in that group.

Wang Yibo doesn’t go to his class again. Xiao Zhan hears from his homeroom teacher that Wang Yibo didn’t go to that competition. He doesn’t hear anything about Wang Yibo again after that.

It rains on the two days of _gaokao_. The homeroom teacher tells them that the weather is cool when it rains, so they can stay calm and test well. Xiao Zhan sits at home, watching the dense raindrops crash into the rolling river. He slings on his backpack and heads for the exam venue. It’s the last exam—English.

The English essay is always the same recycled form. Xiao Zhan flips to the last page—it’s still the same kind of prompt. He writes his answer without barely a draft first. He can’t be more familiar with this essay. Wang Yibo always recited it in his ear.

  


When the results come out, his homeroom teacher makes it a point to call him and tell him his hard work the last half semester paid off. He tells Xiao Zhan to choose a university and major wisely. He shouldn’t have any problems.

His cousin comes to his house just to preach about finance for the entire afternoon. Xiao Zhan listens attentively. When the cousin finally leaves and his dad tells him to choose from one of his cousin’s recommendations, Xiao Zhan finally says that he won’t learn it. On the day of signups, Xiao Zhan stares blankly at the computer screen for a long while. He’s flipped through the manual so many times and his parents sit behind him, repeating the schools that they’ve chosen for him. Xiao Zhan takes that thick book again and reads for more than half an hour. He fills in three medical schools.

His parents never knew that he wants to study medicine. They ask him if he’s sure and he nods, saying that yes, he wants to study medicine. His parents agree without saying anything else. One of their relatives is a doctor. They think that he can get into a big hospital after med school and have a secure future.

  


Xiao Zhan gets accepted successfully. The place he goes to school at doesn’t have any major rivers, but there are many smaller rivers and creeks. Compared to the dirt-yellow river that always tossed with angry waves, they’re much calmer. The north is a bit dry and there’s not as much rain. Even in the winter, he doesn’t smell the humidity. He can wear thick feather-down jackets and lay in the snow, then go back to the dorm and get warm and toasty from the indoor heating.

He thinks that he loves the north.

Winter break in freshman year is very long. Actually, it’s just the standard one month, but compared to the pitiful dozen days from high school, it’s good enough. He goes to the bar with Dashu and the others. They don’t have to hole up in the nightclub where they snuck in through connections. They can bring their money and go to the most popular venue in the city. They haven’t seen each other in half a year, so they have to splurge and have fun.

Most of them stayed in the city or nearby places—only Xiao Zhan has gone so far away. They’re drinking when Dashu waves at someone, calling for them to come over.

Xiao Zhan stares for a while before recognizing him as someone from Wang Yibo’s before. They used to hang out all the time, but he’s changed quite a bit during this half year. This guy goes to the technical college across from their high school now. When they bring up Liu Chao whom they fought with before, he says that the man is a legend in the school now. Apparently, he’s doing well nowadays. The big boss that looked down on him before got beaten up too. Thank god Liu Chao has already forgotten him.

“Thank god I don’t go to school here.” Dashu smacks his lips. Suddenly thinking of something, he points and asks, “What about that… Wang Yibo? Haven’t heard ‘bout him forever.”

Xiao Zhan’s hand stops turning his cup. No one notices him.

That guy shakes his head with a mouth full of alcohol. “I don’t know either. He didn’t even get into the technical college and he’s not in school anymore either. He started working after graduating and hasn’t come back yet. He doesn’t really contact us either.”

Xiao Zhan pours all the alcohol in his cup down his throat. He doesn’t feel good. _Didn’t even get into the technical college, not in school anymore, started working._

They drink a lot that night. Xiao Zhan and Dashu support each other home. As soon as he pushes the door open, he smells that humidity. It’s heavier than usual. His mom pours a cup of honey water for him. She says it’s fortunate he came back early. Otherwise, he’ll get rained on again.

After washing up, Xiao Zhan lies in bed and takes out his phone, swiping around. He’s long upgraded to the trendiest model. It’s very expensive, but after getting into a good school, his dad bought it for him without any hesitation. They’re remodeling the new house too. When he comes back for the summer, he’ll be able to move away from the riverside and into a two-story house that doesn’t smell like the river.

He closes his eyes and falls asleep quickly. In the middle of the night, he wakes up suddenly to thunder. It’s loud. He pulls out his phone and sees that it’s just past 12 a.m. Lying in bed, he can’t fall asleep anymore, but the alcohol is still affecting his body. He’s so dizzy, but keeping his eyes closed can’t take his consciousness away.

Why did Wang Yibo give up on everything?

He picks up his phone from the bedside. He hasn’t deleted Yibo’s number—it’s on the way bottom alphabetically and he hasn’t seen it in a long time. He dials Yibo’s number and holds the phone up to his ear. It’s the mechanical female voice, telling him, _The number you have dialed does not exist. Please check and dial again._

Xiao Zhan goes to look at Yibo’s QQ. The icon is gray. He asks if he’s there, but of course, no one replies. Getting worked up now, he looks through his contacts to find Xizi’s number. When he calls, Xizi hasn’t slept yet. He’s in some noisy place and yells, asking who he is.

“It’s Xiao Zhan.”

The other end falls silent. Then there’s a stammered _long time no see._

Xiao Zhan makes some small talk and then asks if he’s still in touch with Wang Yibo. Xizi cusses into the phone and says that Wang Yibo left in August. _He said he’s going to get a job but didn’t tell me where. He’s just called me two or three times. Every time I ask where he is, it’s a different place. Don’t know what he’s thinking._

“Do you have his number?” Xiao Zhan asks after listening in silence.

“Yeah, but he changes his number often. Sometimes, it goes through the first time and it doesn’t work anymore the second time. I almost think that’s in some shady scam organization.”

Xizi gives Xiao Zhan a number. It goes through when Xiao Zhan calls, but no one picks up. He calls every now and then for half an hour. No one picks up, even when he finally falls asleep.

The next morning, he wakes up and looks at the long string of red calls on his phone. He doesn’t know why he went crazy last night.

He doesn’t try to contact Wang Yibo again after that. Naturally, no one replies to that question on QQ either.

  


Xiao Zhan stays in the north for eight years, doing his master’s after university. He still goes home for summer and winter break in university, but he only goes home for the month during New Years during his master’s studies. His supervisor suggests him to continue studying, so he does his PhD and rarely goes back for those two years.

When everyone thinks that he’s going to stay in the north, Xiao Zhan goes home with his luggage. Dashu asks why he wants to come home now. He says that he doesn’t want to be too far from home. He’s left for ten years and he’s been away for long enough.

He specializes in thoracic surgery and starts working at the old hospital in the city center. For work, he has to take patients, he has to study and learn from others, he has to fight hard for opportunities. The girls and aunties in the hospital keep asking if he has a girlfriend, if he wants to date, but he just smiles and shakes his head. He doesn’t have the time.

He doesn’t even feel like driving. The subway station happens to be right outside his house. Changing a few lines underground is much better than being stuck in traffic for hours above ground.

At night, he does a surgery with the deputy director. It takes a long time, lasting until daybreak. When he comes out, his clothes are completely soaked through. It’s just in time for him to get off his night shift.

There are many people on the subway—all heading to the city center to work. It’s so tight that Xiao Zhan barely has the room to stand, let alone find a seat. He’s tall, so he grips the handle up top in a death grip. A few girls are pressed to his chest and he doesn’t dare move. He just prays to get to the transfer station soon so half of the people can get off and he can breathe.

He stares at the notifications on the screen. Finally, they reach that station. He manages to scoot back so he doesn’t get squeezed off. Half of the carriage empties out, but there’s still no seat. Xiao Zhan stands, leaning against the back door. Just as the doors are closing, he hears a girl’s screech. She has dyed hair, a short skirt, and heavy makeup on her pretty face. Holding a guy, she squeezes in quickly in her heels and buries her face in her boyfriend’s chest, giggling.

As if she’s drunk.

Everyone in the carriage is looking at them. So is Xiao Zhan. But instead of that girl, he’s looking at Wang Yibo.

Wang Yibo’s hair is cut short—more accurately, it’s neither short nor long. He’s rubbed on some gel and it’s stands up slightly. The uppermost tips are dyed blue. He hugs the girl in his arms, wipes away the sliver of shock in his eyes, and moves his gaze away from Xiao Zhan’s stare.

Xiao Zhan stands there. His legs don’t listen to him. He has to get off and change subway lines, but the door opens and closes. He’s still leaning against the back door, watching Yibo walk to another carriage with the girl in his arms.

The girl can’t stand up straight. She wraps an arm around Yibo’s waist, practically hanging off him. Xiao Zhan doesn’t want to look anymore. He stares at the screen again and takes a deep breath, hoping for the next station to come quickly.

Yelps arise around him. He looks with the others. The girl in Yibo’s arms suddenly falls to the ground and her entire body starts convulsing. The people around them jump aside while screaming—some even take out their phones to record this. Yibo lowers onto one knee and presses down her arms.

Xiao Zhan walks over and squats down beside him. He holds the girl’s shoulders to make her lie down flat. Yibo grabs his wrist suddenly and he moves his hand aside.

“I’m a doctor,” he says calmly. “Let me do it.”

They’ll reach the next station soon. He tilts the girl’s head to the side and presses down her philtrum. The girl is still convulsing, but she’s stabler than earlier.

As soon as the subway stops, Wang Yibo picks her up to take her out. Behind him, Xiao Zhan says, “Best if you take her to the hospital.”

Wang Yibo doesn’t reply.

The door closes, taking him even further off-course, but he still doesn’t get off. He rests again the backdoor, standing silently.

That girl is most likely a drug addict, so what is Wang Yibo doing? A gangster? A drug dealer? Or doing drugs with her?

Xiao Zhan clutches his own wrist. It’s where Wang Yibo just held. When Wang Yibo’s thin wrist reached out of his sleeve just then, it was still so pale and clean.

He hurts his own wrist. Why is Wang Yibo still wearing the red string that he gave him?

  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next 2 chapters are long and heavy. i'll try to get them out soon but no promises bc i have no time TT
> 
> thanks for reading and commenting~


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You said you’d come find me after you grew up. Since you didn’t, I came to find you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * in china, a lot of people celebrate birthdays but only count they've become 1 yr older after lunar new year  
> * surou: fried pork strips from sichuan/chongqing and usually eaten with hotpot (i fucking loveee)
> 
> tw: mentions of domestic abuse, child abuse, child rape, child prostitution, drugs, suicide, murder

Xiao Zhan lies in bed. He didn't sleep a wink last night and he still can't fall asleep right now. After showering, he starts thinking back to the few minutes where he saw Wang Yibo on the subway. He was overly calm—calmly watching him come on, calmly watching him go off, didn't even ask for his number.

After all these years, he's practically forgotten about Wang Yibo. He doesn't have anything related to Wang Yibo in his home either. That doll got thrown away by his mom when they moved.

Getting out of bed, he goes to the bookshelf and starts flipping through the books. His mom kept all his textbooks from elementary to high school, placing them neatly on the shelves. Xiao Zhan takes out the books from the first semester of third year and flips through them one by one, finally finding that painting printed from Yibo's body inside his English book. The paper has long become yellow. It's too humid on the riverside and the ink has smudged—some parts have lost its shape.

He puts the painting back and takes out his phone to find the number that Xizi gave. As expected, the other has changed his number. He tosses his phone beside his pillow and gets into bed to sleep. He dreams of Wang Yibo, kissing the girl in his arms on the subway while staring at him. He wakes, drenched in sweat, and curses up at the ceiling.

But the city is large and it's not easy to have to encounter someone randomly twice. From autumn to New Years, he doesn't hear any news about Wang Yibo; he doesn't search for it either.

His mother says that he'll be 29 after New Years. He has to find a girlfriend and get married. Xiao Zhan sits in the restaurant that he's tricked into going to and nibbles on the straw while smiling politely at the girl and her mother across from him. It's not that his mother doesn't know he likes men, but she still holds onto a shred of hope and drags him to blind dates with women. It's as bizarre as his dream of Wang Yibo kissing a girl.

But it's been so many years. He doesn't know if Wang Yibo has changed either.

After leaving the restaurant that day, he rides a taxi to find Dashu. He only took a few bites of that steak, so he orders a whole table of meat at Dashu's hot pot restaurant.

Dashu even has kids now, while he's still eating hot pot by himself. Dashu comes over, asking him how his blind date went. He shakes his head. Dashu doesn't know that he's gay and he's never mentioned it, even though they grew up together.

"Then what are you thinking? Don't overcook my meat." Dashu uses his chopsticks to rescue the meat rolling in the pot and piles them all in Xiao Zhan's bowl.

Xiao Zhan puts a piece of _surou_ in his mouth. Half of it sticks out and moves up and down as he tells him that he saw Wang Yibo recently.

He thinks that this name must've disappeared from Dashu's life for a long time and he'd need a while to recollect his memory. Unexpectedly, Dashu shoves the last piece of meat into his own mouth and says, "I saw him too. Two or three times."

He bites the _surou_ and it falls into his plate, setting off the chili powder.

"Where?"

"Mn." Dashu pulls a stool over to sit down. "He came to eat hot pot here once. And I met him in the nightclub once. Twice."

"Did you ask for his number?"

"No. He doesn't feel the same as before. I don't want to mess with those guys with him, so I didn't go chat him up. It's better to just mind my own business. We weren't that close before anyway."

Xiao Zhan picks up that piece of meat and stuffs it into his mouth again. He tells Dashu to tell him next time he sees Wang Yibo and get his number too.

Dashu is busy with restaurant work in the evening while Xiao Zhan just sits there with the air conditioning, eating his hot pot slowly. He knows that as soon as he goes home, his mother will ask him how the date went. He doesn't want to tell her that they went separate ways as soon as they left the restaurant. She'll definitely nag again.

It's around New Years, so there are a lot of people, coming and going in waves. The broth in Xiao Zhan's pot goes dry and there are still people queuing outside. He picks up his jacket to leave when his phone rings in his pocket. It's the hospital, telling him to hurry over.

They're still in rotating shifts, so there aren't enough hands in the hospital. The hallway is crammed with people. Xiao Zhan walks down. Some have injuries on their faces, some have broken limbs, some are laying in the surgery room with their chests stabbed through, and some are in the morgue after jumping down from a dozen stories high.

Xiao Zhan follows the main surgeon into the surgery room. The man lying on the bed has blue highlights in his hair and Xiao Zhan freezes. The deputy director glances at him, asking if he knows the guy. He shakes his head. Thank god it's not Wang Yibo. Otherwise, his hands might tremble too much to hold the scalpel.

By the time he walks out of the surgery room, the hospital has quieted down. Xiao Zhan changes his clothes and hears the nurses discussing this group. They say that two groups had a fight, smashing a handful stores on the street. Xiao Zhan can't figure out how fighting on the street can cause someone to fall from the rooftop into a jumbled mess of limbs.

The next day, the news reports the announcement from the police. Apparently, a group was selling drugs in a karaoke and had a conflict with the buyer. The guy that fell from the roof was one of the sellers. The buyer said that he just wanted to scare the man and make him hand over the over-charged money and stuff, but he just fell down.

The one who died was only a small figure. The big guys in the back aren't that easy to capture, but this event has quite a large effect. Many of the karaoke staff, customers, and people in the other stores were hurt. The worker with blue highlights was an unlucky one who walked to the door when they started fighting. He was turned into a human shield and got stabbed in the chest.

The karaoke store was ordered to reorganize (euphemism for warning them not to do illegal shit anymore). The staff probably has nothing to do now, so they keep coming to visit. The other people in the room see them surround the guy and don’t really talk. When Xiao Zhan comes for a checkup, he steps into the quiet patient room and stops as soon as he toes the line by the doorway.

Those blue heads indeed stand out. Wang Yibo stands beside the bed; a few others are next to him.

To be honest, the city isn’t that big and there are only a few bustling locations. A gangster like him will interact with a doctor sooner or later.

Wang Yibo makes room for him. Xiao Zhan stands there and after asking the regular questions, he asks Wang Yibo, “Are you family?”

“He’s my bro.”

Xiao Zhan waves for Wang Yibo to follow him out. The guy lying in bed lifts his head and asks in a raspy voice if he has some terminal condition and is gonna die soon. Xiao Zhan tells him to not overthink. It’s not about him.

Many people pass by in the hallway. They walk to the windows at the end of the hall. Wang Yibo leans against the wall, one step away from him. Xiao Zhan looks down at his wrist. He doesn’t seem to be wearing that red string today.

“What do you do now?” he asks Wang Yibo.

“I’m managing two stores. Life’s not bad.” Wang Yibo stuffs his hands inside pockets, putting on that don’t-give-a-fuck attitude again.

Xiao Zhan furrows his brows. After hesitating, he finally asks, “Was that your girlfriend that day?”

Wang Yibo looks out the window. His tightly closed lips twitch, but he doesn’t answer. Someone comes out of the patient room and tells Wang Yibo that someone went to the store and calls for them to go back. Wang Yibo walks away immediately; Xiao Zhan grabs his clothes. The open jacket falls down his shoulder.

Wang Yibo stops and looks at him; Xiao Zhan doesn’t let go.

“Give me your number.”

“Why do you want my number?” Wang Yibo tears his jacket from Xiao Zhan’s hands. “To continue things? No need.”

He takes two steps but stops again and turns around. He says to Xiao Zhan, “I’ll definitely pay all the bills for my bro. Please treat him well. Don’t get affected by me.”

Xiao Zhan leaves too. He walks down the hall and down the stairs. He pours out hand sanitizer and scrubs his fingers.

_What the fuck._

But he knows it’s not hard to find out Wang Yibo’s number. It’s written clearly on the bills. He holds the paper and stares for a long time. In the end, he still puts the string of digits into his own phone and titles it as _Wang Yibo._ He lets it fall to the bottom of his contacts with the other _Wang Yibo._

The guy in the room still isn’t reassured. He keeps looking at Xiao Zhan with teary eyes, asking if he’s about to die. Even before getting injured, he’s always felt that this place hurts today and that place hurts tomorrow. Xiao Zhan tells him that he’s very healthy. The only problem is that he smokes too much and his lungs aren’t in a great shape.

He thinks of how Yibo treated cigarettes like candy before they started dating. After he gets off work, he goes back to that room again and asks about that guy with blue hair who came to visit today.

“That’s my boss.”

“He owns a karaoke?”

“And a nightclub.”

Then the club where Dashu saw Wang Yibo must be his as well.

“Is there something wrong with him?” The boy looks cautiously at Xiao Zhan.

Xiao Zhan shakes his head with a smile. “My sister likes him.”

“Real sister?” He stares hard at Xiao Zhan’s face. “Then she must be pretty attractive. He’s single now, so you can have your sister try, but our line of work is kinda dangerous. She might not be able to handle it.”

“What do you guys do? Don’t you just have some stores?”

The guy freezes. He quickly nods and says yes. Then he says that a lot of their customers are on the shady side, so they have to be on that side too, sometimes.

Xiao Zhan hums and tells him to rest well. He goes to Dashu’s restaurant and asks if he’s free tonight. They can go clubbing. Dashu has to report to his wife if he wants to go clubbing now, but Xiao Zhan rarely goes to those places after coming back, so he thinks that his friend has finally seen the light and accompanies him without a word.

Xiao Zhan has been extremely busy this past year, ever since coming back, and hasn’t had the time to have fun. As soon as he enters, his heart shakes from the bass. This club is really big and popular. He’s heard of it before but didn’t know that Wang Yibo is in charge of it.

Only two or three of the guys he went clubbing with in high school are still here. They sit at the bar and drink. The unmarried ones have already squirmed onto the dancefloor. Xiao Zhan takes out his phone and swipes to the number on the bottom. He’s hesitating about whether he should call it or not when Dashu squeezes over and pulls him over to dance. Xiao Zhan has just put his phone into his pocket when a girl in a sequined dress falls into his lap.

Dashu stands there, dumbfounded. Xiao Zhan freezes too. That girl is so fucking drunk. Lying in Xiao Zhan’s arms, she looks up and taps his nose. She giggles and says that she’s seen him before.

And now, Xiao Zhan recognizes her as the girl who wouldn’t let go of Wang Yibo on the subway and convulsed on the ground from an overdose.

Two men come over and pull her away. Xiao Zhan pats off the makeup on his shirt and someone suddenly grabs his shoulder. The person has a strong grip and pats his shoulder twice. Xiao Zhan turns around. He doesn’t recognize that face until Dashu calls out, _Liu Chao._

Liu Chao isn’t as skinny as before. He has a Buddha pendant hanging from his neck and a string of Buddhist beads around his wrist. He looks no different from those upstarts on the streets.

“After so many years, everyone’s changed.” Liu Chao sits down next to Xiao Zhan. He gestures at a server and takes the glass of alcohol. “Xiao Zhan is still so handsome.”

They all chuckle awkwardly. This group didn’t only fight with Liu Chao—they got him expelled once and got him arrested another time. It’s understandably uncomfortable to sit down peacefully and drink together.

Liu Chao calls someone over and has him get the owner over here. A few minutes later, Wang Yibo appears before Xiao Zhan. He looks at this group coldly and asks Liu Chao what he wants.

“Just a reunion. It’s a rare occasion. We’re all old friends.” He pats the spot next to him for Wang Yibo to sit down in and points at Xiao Zhan’s group. “Remember them? You came to beat me up with them back then and got me expelled. That’s how I got to my status now.”

“Leave if you’re done, have fun if you want. I don’t have time for bullshit.”

Wang Yibo doesn’t even look at Xiao Zhan. He makes to leave as soon as he finishes speaking, but the girl who was taken away squirms around, calling for Wang Yibo. Her arms are all red from the men’s grip, but it’s like she doesn’t feel any pain.

Liu Chao stands up and walks over to the woman. Xiao Zhan freezes in shock and Wang Yibo halts too. Liu Chao slaps the girl, calling her a bitch. Blood dribbles out of the girl’s mouth, but she still hangs there, giggling.

Wang Yibo leaves and Liu Chao comes to sit back down. He has his men toss the girl onto the sofa as if nothing happened. The people dancing in the club keep dancing; those drinking keep drinking. No one cares that some girl just got slapped in the face.

“What’re you all doing now?” Liu Chao picks up his glass and points at Dashu. “I know you opened a hot pot restaurant. I went before, but I saw you’re busy so I didn’t talk to you. Give me a discount when I go next time. How about Xiao Zhan?”

Xiao Zhan wrings the glass bottle in his hands. Taking a deep breath, he smiles at Liu Chao and says, “Is that girl yours?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I saw her in the subway once. She doesn’t have great health. It’s best if you have her stop drinking that much and take her to the hospital for the checkup when you have time.” With that, Xiao Zhan stands up and gestures for Dashu to go. Then he says to Liu Chao, “I’m a doctor now.”

They get stopped at the door. A staff hands them a few cards, saying it’s a gift from the boss. They’re gold cards for the karaoke, so everything is free for them there. They shouldn’t come here anymore. Xiao Zhan doesn’t accept it. Dashu takes the cards and splits them between the guys. He nudges Xiao Zhan in the shoulder, saying they can share one.

Xiao Zhan asks if he can go see their boss. The staff laugh, saying not everyone who wants to see the boss can see him. He dials the number, but Wang Yibo doesn’t answer, rejecting the call directly. Xiao Zhan has Dashu call and Wang Yibo picks up. Xiao Zhan hangs up.

It’s clear that Wang Yibo doesn’t want to see him now. He gets it now.

After the karaoke opens again, Dashu and the others go a few times. Xiao Zhan doesn’t. He says he doesn’t have time. He’s honestly so busy at the hospital and the deputy director is happy to guide him, so he follows the man around everywhere to learn more. He’s busy until spring. He has some PTO and wants to take a break for vacation, but a few big surgeries come up. The deputy director has him tag along, so he works overtime day and night. When he’s tired, he just changes his clothes and spaces out on a seat in the hospital lobby.

He thinks of why Yibo said before that he thought he’d study med. Because he likes the human body? That passion has died long ago. No matter how pretty the body on the surgery table is, it’s no different from a plastic model to him.

After resting enough, he picks up his bag to leave. Two people come in through the door. Xiao Zhan recognizes her immediately. He seems to be more fated with her than with Wang Yibo.

He doesn’t plan on greeting her. The girl doesn’t seem to be high or drunk this time. She pulls a girl with a ponytail and runs towards him as if she’s come just for him. Standing before him, she calls out his name and asks him to help. Her little sister is pregnant.

“Then you should go to the gynecologist. Register and take the elevator to the second floor.” Xiao Zhan points it out for her.

She’s close to tears. Rambling, she asks if there’s any way to figure out who the dad is, like some fingerprints or blood test or something. Frowning, Xiao Zhan looks at the girl with the ponytail and asks how old she is. She hesitates and says 15. The older girl breaks down and slaps her shoulder, saying she’s just turned 14. Fifteen is what their dad made her say.

The two stand there and just start crying. Passersby start to stare at Xiao Zhan, so he takes them to register and tells the girl to have her sister do a checkup first.

“That’s rape. You can call the cops,” Xiao Zhan says, sitting outside.

The girl picks at her fingers, trembling. She bites her lips and shakes her head. Tears start crashing down onto her hands again.

“A hospital checkup won’t tell you anything. She doesn’t know herself?”

“My dad drugged her. She doesn’t know anything. She only told me after she got pregnant.”

Xiao Zhan inhales sharply. This girl’s connections probably aren’t that simple either. Why doesn’t she have Liu Chao help her investigate?

“He’s a pimp. Why would he help me with this? I don’t even know if my sister’s matter has anything to do with him.”

“What about Wang Yibo?”

The girl looks up at him. “What’s wrong with Wang Yibo?”

“He does this business too?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “He doesn’t get along with Liu Chao. They work for their big boss together. He doesn’t do the business that Liu Chao does.”

“Then what does he do? Deal drugs?”

The girl’s eyes widen and she scoots to the side subconsciously. Xiao Zhan doesn’t look at her. He just stares at the plant in the hallway.

“It’s not hard to think of. I noticed the first time I saw you two on the subway. What’s your relationship with him?”

“No relationship. My dad does drugs and gambles, so he knows them. Liu Chao saw that he keeps hitting me, so he had me go with him. He was good to me the first two years, but I feel like he turned crazy later. He wanted to hit me whenever he saw me talking to another guy. I wanted to break up with him. He says that he’ll kill me if I try to leave.”

Xiao Zhan freezes.

“He doesn’t care about me nowadays. He lets me do what I want and he does what he wants, but I can’t leave him. He’ll kill me, then kill himself. I don’t feel good, so I drink and do drugs. Wang Yibo helps me sometimes. I told him my feelings before, but I don’t think he’s interested in me.”

Xiao Zhan says what he should to the girl. He encourages her to call the cops, but it’s still up to her. After all, the entire family does drugs and her sister was sold by her own father. She most likely doesn’t have the guts.

When he comes out of the hospital, the sky is already dark and it’s raining.

Rain again.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t have an umbrella. A coworker passing by gives him a ride to the subway station. After getting off, he buys an umbrella from a nearby supermarket and a pack of cigarettes. Then he calls a cab and heads for that club.

It’s stopped raining when he gets off the cab. His new umbrella hasn’t even seen rain yet. He calls Wang Yibo, but Wang Yibo doesn’t pick up, so he goes in and walks around until he sees the guy who gave them the karaoke cards last time. He asks if he can get Wang Yibo to come see him. That guy clearly isn’t interested in helping him. Xiao Zhan takes a step back, blocking the man’s path, and asks him to help.

“Just say that Xiao Zhan is looking for him. If he’s not willing to see me, then I won’t come find him for the rest of my life.”

The club is too noisy, making Xiao Zhan’s temples pulse. He goes out to the entrance. It’s stopped raining, so a bunch of people crowd around again. He goes straight to the street corner and circles to the back of the club.

He doesn’t know if Wang Yibo can find him after all these turns. Actually, he doesn’t know if he should’ve come to find Wang Yibo.

Xiao Zhan pulls the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lights one. He smoked heavily in that half semester after breaking up with Yibo. He didn’t live in the dorm, so he always smoked while studying at night. It indeed made him feel better, but he stopped after studying med. He didn’t have that strong of an addiction and it really wasn’t healthy.

Wang Yibo comes from behind just as he exhales a cloud of smoke. The smoke blows to Wang Yibo’s face and he fans it away. Now, he can see Wang Yibo’s face clearly again.

Xiao Zhan hands him the pack and then gives him the lighter.

“Why’re you here to see me?” Wang Yibo asks, lighting the cigarette.

“Just wanted to chat. I didn’t think we’d meet again like this.”

Wang Yibo scoffs dramatically and asks Xiao Zhan, “What did you think I should be like? You look down on me now? Or did you turn into an angel to come save me?”

“Don’t talk to me like this.”

Xiao Zhan shoots him an annoyed look. Wang Yibo quiets down and starts smoking again.

“That girl—the one you were with on the subway last time—she came to see me.”

“See you for what?” Wang Yibo asks, a bit taken aback.

“Her little sister got sold by her dad. She’s pregnant, only 14. She brought her for a checkup and asked if I can find out who the father is with just the baby in her stomach. I told her to call the cops, but she probably won’t. I told her to have Liu Chao help her check. She said that she doesn’t even know if Liu Chao had something to do with her sister’s rape.”

He watches as Wang Yibo’s face darkens gradually. Softening his voice, he continues, “She also said that you help her sometimes. Her dad hit her and Liu Chao saved her, but now, he won’t let her go, won’t let her break up. He doesn’t care how she fucks around, but if she dares to leave him, he’ll kill her and then kill himself.”

Xiao Zhan’s cigarette burns up. He tosses it onto the ground and steps on it. They both look at the respective ground underfoot. Neither speak; both understand.

“I broke up with you back then because I really couldn’t take it. I would think of those pictures whenever I saw you and thinking of those pictures, I would think of Wang Qiang. But I… I didn’t seem to think about how you felt back then.” Xiao Zhan sniffs and looks at Wang Yibo’s lowered head. “I miss you, to be honest. You said you’d come find me after you grew up. Since you didn’t, I came to find you.”

“We’re not in the same world anymore.” Wang Yibo’s head is still lowered. His cigarette is almost burned to the end, but he shoves the butt into his mouth and inhales sharply.

“What kind of person are you now? Dealing drugs?” He looks at Wang Yibo’s widened eyes. He stares and continues, “You said you wanted to do what your dad couldn’t. Your dad was on drug enforcement, he was an undercover agent and died and now you’re dealing drugs. You think I’ll believe that?”

“What are you saying?” Wang Yibo stares at him in panic.

“I don’t know why you didn’t get into college, I don’t know why you gave up on everything, why you said you left to get a job and changed all your contacts, you—”

“Stop, Xiao Zhan.” Wang Yibo covers Xiao Zhan’s mouth and pushes him against the wall. Moving to his ear, he whispers, “You can’t continue.”

Xiao Zhan blinks and nods his head. Wang Yibo takes his hand away but presses his entire body against him, burying his head into the crook of his neck.

“You should’ve known that I would guess it.”

“That’s why I didn’t dare to see you.” Wang Yibo hugs his waist. “I saw you before, but I didn’t dare call out. I saw you on a blind date at that restaurant too. The thing I was scared of the most is that by the time I come back, you’re already married. What would I do then?”

Xiao Zhan hugs him. He hasn’t hugged Wang Yibo in such a long time, but this body is still able to excite him so simply. It’s just like when he smells the faint mint in Yibo’s hair, covered by smoke, he still can’t hold back from kissing him.

Yibo bites his tongue. His hand stops on the scar on Xiao Zhan’s waist, his callused palm rubbing against it. Their lower bodies—pressed against each other—has already gone hard. Yibo has him wait there. He wants to take him home.

Yibo has a really cool motorcycle now. The black body has green patterns, like a cougar that infiltrates the city at night.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t know just how much Yibo loves this animal now. If you say his home is a house, it indeed is a house. But if you say it’s remodeled from a warehouse, then it’s honestly too similar to a warehouse. Yibo steers the motorcycle directly into the house. There’s a line of helmets on the left and a line of accessories placed on the right. As soon as he enters, he sees a huge gray-black cougar head painted on the gray wall. It has its bloody maw wide open, like graffiti taken from a street where people have killed on before.

“Why did you paint this next to your bed?” Xiao Zhan asks, sitting on that soft bed and hugging Yibo.

He’s already stripped clean. There are still some water droplets on his collarbone that Yibo licks away with a tongue. Yibo’s hand squeezes and wanders all over his body. He spreads his ass open and rubs against his entrance with his hot dick. Then he presses down on his back, biting at the back of his neck, saying that it’s because he wants to be like the cougar—swallow them clean without a sound.

Xiao Zhan sticks up his ass, wanting to take Yibo in, but he hasn’t had sex in so long. He feels like he’s about to die. He crawls forward a few times, but Yibo drags him back. The bottle of lube tossed onto the bed is only an empty shell now. His legs, ass, and even his back shines with the oil.

Wang Yibo forces his dick in and Xiao Zhan’s tears come out. It feels like a misjudgment. After applying so much lube, he can’t grab onto Xiao Zhan if he wants to run again, but Xiao Zhan just lies there obediently with his ass up, wiping his tears against the bedsheet. Yibo feels down his chest, but it’s too slippery, so he can only squeeze a nipple. Xiao Zhan moans. Lying there, he has Yibo move and finally, he starts thrusting slowly.

The crisp slapping sounds in the room grow faster and faster, louder and louder. Even the uncontrollable moans escaping from Xiao Zhan’s throat can’t catch up to his tempo. On his knees, Xiao Zhan begs for Yibo to slow down. He can’t take it anymore. But Yibo doesn’t listen, breathing heavily as he leaves one red mark after another on Xiao Zhan’s ass.

Xiao Zhan’s entire body trembles. Cum dribbles out of the tip of his dick, but Yibo hugs him, blocking the tip and telling him not to ejaculate.

“Even if you do, I’ll keep fucking you this time. Just hold on for a bit more.”

Xiao Zhan sprawls on the bed and looks at him, shaking his head with dazed eyes. Yibo almost can’t bear it anymore. When he leans down to kiss Xiao Zhan, he can hear the soft, pitiful whimpers.

But he can only think of his lower half now. He only wants to fuck Xiao Zhan and isn’t in the mood to pity him.

Pulling Xiao Zhan’s leg, he flips him over, spreads his legs, and goes in again. This way, he can see Xiao Zhan’s face—the tears from his fucking, the two splotches of blush on his cheeks, his helplessly shaking head, his dazed desire for more.

He’s missed this face for so long. He misses him so much.

It’s fortunate for him that Xiao Zhan likes to post pictures on his QQ, even though he rarely shows his complete face. Some pictures have Xiao Zhan’s eyes, some have those lips with a mole that he’s biting, some have his earlobes that he’s purposely twisting. He always tries so hard to put together a complete Xiao Zhan, but it’s not necessary anymore. Xiao Zhan is in his bed, in his arms, getting fucked by him, crying out his name.

Yibo leans down to hug Xiao Zhan, forcing his dick into him with all his might, asking vengefully if he loves him. He’s not satisfied until Xiao Zhan nods and says yes, he loves him. And he rubs the tip of his nose against Xiao Zhan’s face like a little kid.

Xiao Zhan’s entire body feels like it’s going to fall apart. He hasn’t done such intense exercise in so many years. He feels numb from his fingers to his toes.

He hears rustles beside the bed. Not even turning his head, he just glances to the side. Yibo has torn open another condom and put it on.

“What’re you doing?” Xiao Zhan sits up, shaking his head.

Yibo wraps around him, kissing him ingratiatingly, tightening his grip. His legs get forced open by Yibo’s knees. Those knees rub his crotch area and that half-hard dick.

“I haven’t had sex since we broke up. Let me fuck you one more time, please?”

Hearing Yibo’s murmurs in his ears, the hot and moist breath on his ears, Xiao Zhan gives in and then he gets fucked with a hand holding him down.

He can’t feel his body anymore and can’t even kneel. Yibo pulls him up and presses him against the wall. He’s pushed up right against that cougar’s open mouth. Yibo kneels behind him, biting his shoulder and he feels the pain. It’s like getting eaten by a cougar.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t know how long they messed around for. He’s no longer a young 17-year-old who can run off after sex. He might not even be able to get out of bed tomorrow.

He lies in bed, staring up at the gray ceiling. Yibo lies on his stomach beside Xiao Zhan, saying that if he wants to draw, he can draw on all of these walls. Xiao Zhan thinks that he should paint a dog on the ceiling so that whenever Yibo wakes up, he can see clearly that he’s not a cougar at all. He’s just a dog.

When Xiao Zhan wakes up, the sky outside has just started lightening. It’s the heat that woke him up. His body is sticky and restrained by someone’s limbs. Yibo even wrapped the thick winter blanket around them. Xiao Zhan comes out of his arms and kicks the blanket aside before he feels a bit better.

This wakes Yibo up and he asks what he’s doing. Xiao Zhan says he’s hot. He can’t fall back asleep, so he pillows his head with his arm. Finally, he has the time to study this house of Yibo’s.

It’s practically completely open, but it’s not that messy. One kind of stuff takes up one area like an amusement park.

He rubs his foot against Yibo’s calf. Yibo grabs his ankle and looks at him with crinkled eyes.

“Seems that you play with a lot of stuff,” Xiao Zhan says.

Yibo rubs his head against the pillow and says that he has to find _some_ entertainment so he won’t have a mental breakdown.

“Did you really not pass the exam?”

“That’s what they say. I got taken away as soon as I went there. I can only reappear like a normal person a few days every year.” Yibo takes a cigarette from the bedside and lights it. Sitting up against the wall, he counts on his fingers. “I’ve stayed here for seven years. It should be done soon.”

Yibo finishes that cigarette and lies down again to hug Xiao Zhan. He tells him that, starting today, they have to turn back into the exes who haven’t seen each other in ten years. He tells Xiao Zhan to not come find him again.

“Wait for me to go find you. If I say I will, I definitely will.”

Xiao Zhan nods. Yibo won’t tell him the extra stuff and he knows that he shouldn’t ask. Yibo presses his lips against his neck again. The marks from last night haven’t faded yet and he prints more in the early morning.

The sun rises; Xiao Zhan’s eyelids fall, growing sleepy again. Yibo presses behind him, playing with Xiao Zhan’s hair. He murmurs to himself, _You shouldn’t have come find me. People around me don’t have good fates. I’m scared something’ll happen to you._

Xiao Zhan uses his last bit of consciousness to grunt.

“I don’t believe in fate,” he says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol when i was reading this chapter, i screamed to kai that wyb's character either changed completely or this has turned into an action/suspense fic 
> 
> anyway,  
> next chap is the last chapter of the main story (and then there are 3 extras).   
> i only translate stories that i love to bits, so thank you for joining me on this ride. we're almost to the end!!!


	14. 14 (end of main story)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You should pray that he loves you more than he loves himself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to post this so quickly bc it talks a lot about lunar new year in this chap and today happens to be new years eve!

Spring passes, as does summer, and Xiao Zhan still hasn’t dared to go see Wang Yibo.

He works overtime on August 5th. As soon as he comes out of the surgery room, he sees some people get pushed into the lobby, foaming at the mouth. They lie there with eyes wide open as if they’re dead already. The air conditioning in the hospital is strong. Xiao Zhan still has a thin layer of sweat on his back, but his fingertips are cold. He dares even less to go see Wang Yibo.

There are too many people who get hospitalized because of drugs. He knows what kinds of people they are.

The National Holiday shift lands on his birthday. A girl in the office prepares a small cake for him, saying she baked it personally. Xiao Zhan eats it during break and smiles politely, telling her that it tastes great. But actually, it tastes similar to that cake he baked with Yibo more than a decade ago—sicklt sweet and flaking from over-baking.

He gets off work on time that day and it’s rush hour at the subway station. He plans on visiting Dashu, but his mom calls, insisting on him going home.

He squeezes in with the stream of people and grabs onto the handle in the middle. The doors close and when the subway starts up, it becomes dark outside the window. Xiao Zhan sees the reflection in the glass and spins around. Yibo’s face is only a palm’s width away. He’s looking and smiling at Xiao Zhan.

“What are you doing here?”

“Kind of missed you. Happy birthday.”

Yibo hooks his lowered hand and a box hangs from Xiao Zhan’s finger. It’s a birthday cake.

“I’ve almost forgotten what you look like,” Xiao Zhan says.

“That’s why I came to remind you of my existence.”

Yibo pulls out his phone and answers a call. After hanging up, he tells Xiao Zhan that he’s gotta go. The subway stops as soon as he speaks. The doors open, a group of people squeeze in, a group gets off, Wang Yibo waves at Xiao Zhan outside, and disappears in the crowd.

Xiao Zhan sees the red string on Yibo’s wrist.

He picks up the cake and looks. It seems to be freshly bought—there’s still a thin layer of mist on the chocolate. When he gets home, he’s in a good mood even as he sits across from the girl that his mother called over. He slices a piece of cake for her, saying that his good friend purposely waited for him to get off work to give it to him. The 20-something-year-old girl is clearly more sensitive than his mother.

At night, he stands outside on the balcony and lights a cigarette. It’s from the pack he bought when he went to find Yibo last time. He still hasn’t finished it off; Wang Yibo’s two numbers are still lying on the bottom of his contacts. He swipes and looks at them without dialing. It’s enough to know that he’s alright.

The next time he sees Wang Yibo is when it’s close to New Years and it’s freezing. It’s the last day Dashu’s restaurant is open before the holiday and he calls Xiao Zhan to tell him to come over. Liu Chao is eating at his place. Wang Yibo is there too.

Xiao Zhan rides a taxi after work. Dashu has opened a private room for them and is sitting there with them. Xiao Zhan sits beside Dashu—there are a few people between him and Yibo.

Liu Chao picks up a bottle of beer from the ground for him. He has someone standing to the side to open it for him. When Xiao Zhan accepts it, he tries to glance at Yibo subtly. Yibo smiles as if he doesn’t care, so Xiao Zhan starts drinking.

“We had some business over here today and thought that we haven’t met up in so long, so we came over for a meal.” Liu Chao stands up and touches his glass against theirs before drinking bottoms up.

They don’t eat the meal like enemies. Liu Chao is extremely nice to them and they finish a few cases of beer. The sky darkens outside. With an arm over Xiao Zhan’s neck, Liu Chao says he has stomach problems, hurt from fighting before. If he has time, he’ll go to the hospital and have Xiao Zhan give him a checkup.

And that’s when Xiao Zhan realizes just how good he is at holding grudges.

Yibo stands up, saying they have to go and moves to pay Dashu, but Liu Chao waves his hand. He says to Dashu in his seat that they’re all bros. He’ll protect Dashu in the future. There’s no need to talk about money.

“You have to ask if they _want_ to be your bro.”

Yibo pulls out a few hundreds and tosses them onto the table. Grabbing his jacket, he walks to the door. Liu Chao is still sitting there. He taps the table, looking at that pot of cloudy broth, and sighs. “I’m not the kind to hold grudges. Those who are good to me, I treat them like bros. Those who fought with me face to face before, I can be bros with them too. I just hate those who mess with me behind my back. As long as they’re not like that, why can’t we be bros?”

With that, he reaches past Xiao Zhan and grabs Dashu’s hand, chuckling and asking if Dashu agrees.

Xiao Zhan glares. He pushes his chair back; it grates on the floor.

“I have to go. Any later and the subway will stop.” He stands up in front of Liu Chao and walks out.

Yibo has already gone out the door, having left as soon as Liu Chao spoke. When Xiao Zhan goes downstairs, all he sees of the car they drove away in is the black butt. He stands at the side of the road and takes a deep breath. This is his first time feeling fear this half year. It’s just like when Yibo said his dad only came back once and never came back again.

How will he get through the remaining days? His heart pounds wildly. Taking advantage of the last few seconds of red light, he takes deep breaths to calm himself down. Then he lifts his legs and, like every other passerby, crosses the street, gets onto the pedestrian bridge, and melts into the night of this bustling city.

Unexpectedly, Liu Chao really does come to the hospital the next day and registers a checkup with him. It’s during the afternoon busy hours. Plus, it’s New Year’s Eve today.

Liu Chao comes in and shuts the door. He sits down before Xiao Zhan and looks at him, telling him, _I knew since high school that you’d be successful. This clean place suits you so well._

Xiao Zhan moves his lips, but he can’t even produce that professional fake smile. He really can’t imagine just how grudgeful Liu Chao is. Pushing up his glasses, he tells Liu Chao that he should go to the gastroenterology department for stomach problems. He doesn’t treat the stomach here.

Liu Chao rests his elbows on the table and clutches his chest. Frowning, he says that he has heart problems. Xiao Zhan ignores him. He straightens and decides to stop joking with Xiao Zhan. Lowering his voice, he begins to tell Xiao Zhan a story.

He says that when Wang Yibo first joined the big boss, the boss had him investigate Wang Yibo. He found some nice things in the county. Xiao Zhan’s hands don’t stop writing incomprehensible things on the paper. He just utters _mn_ and asks what else.

“I want you to call him and personally tell him that no matter what, he shouldn’t go to the extreme. He can push my limits. I can push his too.”

Xiao Zhan finally sets down his pen and looks at him. He says, “What’s the point of you making me tell him these things? I broke up with him more than a decade ago.”

Liu Chao laughs. He doesn’t seem to believe Xiao Zhan’s words at all, but Xiao Zhan doesn’t want to speak further with him, so he presses a button on the desk. The next patient pushes the door open and walks in. Staring at Xiao Zhan’s face, Liu Chao says that he hasn’t finished; Xiao Zhan looks back and says that he’s honestly busy. If he doesn’t have anything else, then he can go out. The next patient closes the door and stands there quietly, not intending to leave.

Liu Chao moves close to Xiao Zhan’s face and says from that distance that these lies are useless with him.

“Now, you should pray that he loves you more than he loves himself.”

Xiao Zhan looks at him in confusion, thinking that this person is honestly crazy. He laughs and replies cooperatively in a quiet voice, _You came to me just to force him into a dead end?_

Someone slams the clinic door shut. The people in the hall look worriedly at the group that leaves in fury. The man inside the clinic sits down calmly before Xiao Zhan and starts describing his symptoms.

Xiao Zhan switches shifts with someone at night. The coworker is eternally grateful for him, saying that his daughter complained so much when he said he had to work on New Year’s Eve.

Perhaps due to the holiday, even the hospital is more peaceful, other than two men in police uniforms who come in. They say that a suspect is getting treated at the hospital and they urgently need to question him, but this is common in their hospital. It’s not strange enough and the doctor in the white coat just glances at them before continuing with his own work.

Xiao Zhan gets a cup of coffee and stands before the window. He keeps taking out his phone to look at the time, waiting for morning to come.

The patient who came in after Liu Chao didn’t have anything wrong. He’s in his 40s or 50s but still had a defined eight-pack. He told Xiao Zhan to not leave the hospital today—he can leave after hearing the news tomorrow. Xiao Zhan couldn’t process those words at all when he heard them and just nodded his head obediently. Before the patient left, he said that if he’s free, he can go to the temple in the mountains on the 6th and pray. He might be able to find something left there for him.

When morning comes on the 1st, Xiao Zhan still can’t get off work. A few emergencies came at dawn—all bullet wounds. Xiao Zhan recognizes one of them. When they ate hot pot two days ago, this guy had poured alcohol for him.

He walks down the hall to prepare for surgery when he sees those two cops come downstairs. They pass by him and leave the hospital. Xiao Zhan thinks that he’s probably safe now.

They couldn’t save the guy. He’s already close to dying when he’s brought to the surgery table. The bullet grazed his heart and didn’t shoot directly in, but he wasn’t lucky enough.

The hospital cafeteria plays the local morning news on TV. A few of the doctors who just finished surgeries discuss it—some criminals chose the holiday to cause trouble, thinking that everyone was celebrating and couldn’t arrest them, causing all these doctors to work over the holiday.

Dashu and the others go to the karaoke many times during the holiday. On the 1st, practically everyone is having fun outside and all entertainment venues are packed, but Dashu says that whenever they go to the karaoke, there's definitely room for them. The staff even said that they'll make room for them even if it means kicking other people out. Then Dashu asks Xiao Zhan why he won't come have fun when it's such a steal. Xiao Zhan says into the phone that he doesn't want to go to karaoke. Call him if they go to other places. Then he has Dashu ask if Wang Yibo is in the store, but Dashu says that the staff said their boss left for business on New Year's Eve and hasn't come back yet.

Xiao Zhan waits until the 6th. He has to go to the temple with his parents—his family goes to pray every year. Some businesspeople and the wealthy drive to the mountain on New Year's Eve just to get the first incense and pray for the Buddha to protect them, leading the temple to be crowded on the 1st too.

But the mountain is quite empty by the 6th. It's a cloudy day too and there's wind on the mountain, swaying the camphor tree branches. Xiao Zhan can hear his mother murmuring to the Buddha to protect him and let him be safe this year. He copies her and prays before the Buddha, asking the Buddha to protect them—for Yibo to come back alive, for him to stay alive until Yibo comes back.

He walks around the mountain temple but can't figure out how to discover what Yibo left for him. After praying, his mother goes to donate money and calls for him to follow. He writes his own name on the merits paper. When he lowers the pen, the old monk reaches out, gesturing for him to wait, so he stands there and lets his parents go to another hall.

The monk returns and gives him an envelope. Without saying anything, he returns to his seat and continues reading. Xiao Zhan goes out, sits on a stone bench under the tree, and opens the envelope. There's only one piece of paper inside with a few lines scribbled on it.

_He prays here for everything to go smoothly. Beside him, I pray for him to fail quickly, so I can go see you sooner. Everything is fine. Wait a bit more. It won't take too long._

Xiao Zhan sighs and folds the letter up, putting it inside his bag. His parents call for him to go into the hall and pray for a marriage. This time, Xiao Zhan follows them with rare obedience. After he kneels before the Buddha and stands up, his mother asks why he's so happy. Xiao Zhan ties the red cloth from the monk onto a tree and says that he's reassured, so naturally, he's happy.

Liu Chao doesn't come to cause trouble with Xiao Zhan again. Xiao Zhan even thought that he got arrested that day, until the 15th. Someone who went on a boat to gaze at the moon on the river fishes out a corpse. It's Liu Chao who'd been dead for quite some time. Later, the police determine that the cause of death is an overdose. Liu Chao escaped on New Year's Eve, but he still entered the police station horizontally.

That night, Dashu calls Xiao Zhan, telling him through the phone that the motherfucker Liu Chao is finally dead. Xiao Zhan nods in agreement on the other end of the call. Finally dead. The trouble he caused a decade ago went on until a decade after. To Xiao Zhan, he's basically the same as Wang Qiang, giving him a headache as soon as he thinks of that man.

Xiao Zhan places Yibo's letter in the drawer with the picture put in the English textbook. That day in Yibo's home, he discovered that Yibo actually kept all the things that Xiao Zhan gave him in high school. That sketch of Yibo in the water was even laminated, so the color hasn’t fade much. But the physics sheet that he gave Yibo to write the English essay on has faded, leaving only black prints behind.

He piled all of this onto the bed, asking how come Yibo has kept all of this. He can't find any of it in his home. Yibo pulled him by his ankle and picked up the red string with a bell that doesn't ring anymore. He swung it and slipped it over his ankle.

"I know, you stopped loving me those years."

Yibo hung onto him like a petulant child, clinging and demanding to make love. He fucked Xiao Zhan while telling him not to damage those decade-old artifacts. If he dared to damage one, he’d fuck him until the items were repaired.

Xiao Zhan kicked Yibo’s leg, saying, _Bullshit, I called you, but the number didn’t work so I asked Xizi for your number and I called you the entire night, but you wouldn’t pick up._

“I know, I saw. I couldn’t do anything at the time.”

“Weren’t you scared that I wouldn’t come back?” Xiao Zhan asked him. “Then you really won’t be able to find me.”

Wang Yibo lay there, rubbing his elbow against him, saying he did think of that.

“But it’s okay. I’m a fucking cop. I can find whoever I want.”

Xiao Zhan pursed his lips. To be honest, he’d stayed in the north for a decade but never thought about staying there. At the time, he didn’t know whether Yibo would come back either.

Spring, Xiao Zhan runs into that girl at the hospital again. She brought her little sister for a checkup. When they came last year, they discovered that her sister was infected. They can only treat it slowly and try to extend her life.

Xiao Zhan asks how she’s doing. After all, Liu Chao is dead—the person threatening her is gone. She says she’s doing pretty well. Her dad got forced away by the people he owed gambling money to. She has no clue where he is or if he’s still alive or not, but she doesn’t care. The money she uses to treat her sister is from Wang Yibo. He gave a lot and it’s enough to survive on.

“Did you find out about your sister?”

“Wang Yibo helped me look. Liu Chao got an order to sell to one of his suppliers. Liu Chao always gets him little girls and that guy gives him money. I heard them say that Liu Chao wanted to work independently. He went everywhere, contacting people and doing private work. Then he got caught by his big boss.”

Xiao Zhan knows that Liu Chao’s death wasn’t that simple and Yibo must have something to do with it. He’s still working, so he doesn’t have much time to chat with her. He stands up to leave, but that girl continues saying, “Liu Chao died on New Year’s Eve. Wang Yibo called me, asking if I want to go look. When I went over, I saw Liu Chao kneeling before the buddha in his house that he’s prayed before for so many years. He was already dead. I feel like that was the happiest I’ve been in years.”

Xiao Zhan goes back to work, but that girl continues sitting there, crying. He thinks that Yibo was probably quite happy at that time too. They both escape from what happened a decade ago—he’s not the only one traumatized. He wonders if he should wait for Yibo to come back and then they can go to those two people’s graves for closure.

For a long time after that, Xiao Zhan doesn’t hear a single bit of news about Yibo. His karaoke and nightclub are still busy as ever, but Yibo never appears again. Dashu has become friendly with the karaoke staff. They say that their boss’s business has expanded. He took over two more stores and is busy like crazy every day. Then they ask Dashu why he’s so interested in their boss. Dashu waves and says that he feels a bit embarrassed to keep freeloading, so he wants to treat him to dinner. The worker says he’ll help send the message.

It’s not until the end of July that Dashu calls Xiao Zhan, saying that Wang Yibo wants to eat dinner with them. Xiao Zhan freezes. There’s still about a week before Yibo’s birthday. He thought that if Yibo wanted to see him, it would be on that day.

On the other end of the call, Dashu is asking where they should go. He’s worried that hot pot would seem too cheap and asks Xiao Zhan to think of a place. Xiao Zhan says, _Just eat hot pot at your place. He doesn’t actually need you to treat him,_ and Dashu agrees.

He hurries over after work and everyone is already present in the room. What surprises Xiao Zhan is that he sees Xizi there too. Yibo pats the spot next to him, telling him to sit. Dashu pulls on Xiao Zhan’s arm and points at Xizi, asking if he still recognizes this guy. Laughing, Xiao Zhan says that of course he does. It’s been so many years. Xizi is much fatter, but his head is still the same size. He’s not hard to recognize.

Yibo didn’t bring any men with him this time, so they’re the only ones in the private room. Dashu has Yibo drink, saying that he always hangs out in Yibo’s place but never sees him. Drunk, Xizi yells at Dashu, _So what if you can’t see him? I grew up with him and he hasn’t contacted me in years. Didn’t even fucking come to my wedding or baby shower._

Xiao Zhan’s entire face is flushed as well. He didn’t drink much, but he gets red easily and he sits at the table like a quiet drunkard. Patting Yibo’s arm, he says that he needs to pee and wants Yibo to go with him.

Yibo is drunk too. As soon as they get to the bathroom, he squats before the toilet and throws up. Xiao Zhan shuts the bathroom door and pulls a pack of cigarettes from Yibo’s pocket. He leans against the sink and lights one. Yibo doesn’t finish throwing up until he finishes that cigarette.

“How come you drank so much?”

“I wanna.” Yibo cranes his neck under the faucet and rinses his mouth.

“Is something gonna happen?” Xiao Zhan whispers, lowering his head.

Yibo leans against the sink and looks at his own red eyes in the mirror—they’re are bloodshot from drinking too much. He moves over to hug Xiao Zhan and buries into his shoulder, nodding.

The cigarette between Xiao Zhan’s fingers—burned to the butt—falls to the ground. He doesn’t know what to say. He kind of wants to cry. But all he can do is wrap around Yibo’s waist and hug him a bit tighter.

Many things of various levels of severity must have happened throughout the year, but Yibo has never come to him like this. He doesn’t even dare to imagine what will happen this time. He asks Yibo, but Yibo just shakes his head. Yeah, this isn’t what he should know about.

“I’ll be able to come back after August,” Yibo says to him.

Someone knocks on the bathroom door, yelling and cursing loudly. Yibo lets go. His already-bloodshot eyes are a bit swollen now. He pulls open the door and glares at the person. It quiets down instantly outside.

After dinner, Yibo has them take Xizi to the hotel because he has to leave and do something else. Xizi slumps drunkenly against Dashu and waves at him. Xiao Zhan bends down, reaching a hand in to grab Yibo’s shoulder. He says in his ear, “No matter what happens, you’ve got to get onto the surgery table even if you have to crawl.”

Yibo nods and the car drives away. Xiao Zhan gets a taxi to take Xizi to the hotel. Xizi talks a lot after getting drunk—his mouth doesn’t stop as he lies in bed, rambling from his birth to his son’s birth. Xiao Zhan asks if Yibo has ever gone back these past years. Xizi slaps the bed, saying no and then curses Yibo again.

“Then what about his mom?”

“His mom moved away a long time ago. She left as soon as Wang Yibo left, gone to her hometown.”

Xiao Zhan sighs. When he was worrying about which university to apply to, Yibo already decided to board this ship. Can he finally get off now?

He keeps track of each day of August, checking them off in the calendar on the table.

On August 5th, Xiao Zhan wants to buy a cake, light candles, and help Yibo make a wish. He’s never celebrated Yibo’s birthday from when they dated in high school to when they’re dating now. Back in high school, they didn’t know each other yet. Now, he can’t find him.

The sky is already dark when he gets off work. He has to pass through the tourist attraction in the city center to get to the cake shop. It’s close to the river there, with a line of commercialized vintage stores that light up, and is next to the bridge. It’s probably the busiest place in the city at night.

Xiao Zhan rarely comes here, unless he’s with friends. Tourists practically clog up the sewers—he’ll be stuck in traffic if he drives, and he has to wait forever if he wants a taxi. Xiao Zhan comes down the bridge with the cake and treks down the road to the riverside. He can get a more holistic picture here.

Everyone else is taking pictures of the scenery; he includes the people in his picture. He remembers that Yibo said long ago that one day, he wants to kiss him in the busiest place. At that time, Xiao Zhan laughed at him for being childish. He looks at the pictures with satisfaction now. When Yibo comes back, he’ll give it to him as a birthday gift.

There’s not much of a breeze by the river today and it’s disgustingly humid. The back of Xiao Zhan’s shirt is practically soaked through. He walks to the subway to go home, but when he’s halfway across the street, he hears someone yelling before him that a cruise ship on the river is on fire. Ignoring the traffic light, the people on the other side of the road swarm to the riverside and start taking pictures.

Xiao Zhan follows them over. The river is supposed to be dark, but a two-level cruise ship glows with firelight, illuminating the surroundings.

A police officer blows his whistle, driving people to the sides and not letting them gather there, but they’re way more excited about the drama than caring about letting the police rescue the people. Some even say that the ball of fire on the river is so beautiful—even more beautiful than the line of buildings and lights.

A large group of officers rush down. The fire makes it easy to see various speedboats hurrying over. It’s less than three minutes since someone yelled about the fire. When the first boat is close to the ship, the ball of fire explodes. Licks of fire swallow all the surrounding boats. The shards on the ship launch dozens of meters into the air like fireworks before falling down again. Near the ship, they hear yells and gunshots. No one is in the mood to enjoy the beautiful fire anymore. They all scream and dart all over.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t know where he dropped the cake. He gets a call from the hospital, telling him to hurry back. They might get a large group of injured people soon. Pushing against the flow of people with difficulty, he rushes towards the hospital. He sees an ambulance and gets on.

The ship is still burning. The first batch to get transported into the ambulance are the cops that were on the cruise ship and the people they gradually fish out of the water. Xiao Zhan sits in the car, staring outside the window as the firelight grows smaller and smaller, until it disappears from sight. The person in the car shakes uncontrollably. He’s shaking too. He pulls out his phone with a hand covered in blood and hesitates, but he still dials Yibo’s number. All he hears is the robotic woman telling him that the phone is turned off.

It’s just like before—a number that he can’t get through too, no matter what.

As soon as he gets to the hospital, he runs to the surgery room. A few ambulances have already arrived before him with the wounded and there’s a big pool of blood in the lobby. He speeds down the hall. A stretcher passes by him, getting pushed to the surgery room across from him. He doesn’t have time to notice. He just sees his director race over, urging the surrounding people to hurry up.

He has to perform a big surgery with the deputy director. This patient isn’t a police officer. He was rescued from the ship and has a metal rod protruding from his chest. Xiao Zhan cleans the burnt flesh around it while blood keeps surging out of the wound. The deputy director calls out in a low voice.

“Xiao Zhan, steady.”

He nods.

The surgery takes a long time, but they save the man in the end. His clothes are soaked through. When he comes out, he sees people still bounding down the hall.

The room across from him opens as well. The person they push out is headed for the ICU with the pure white bedsheet pulled up to the man’s chin, covering him tightly.

When Xiao Zhan sees Wang Yibo’s face, something explodes in his mind. But he’s so grateful to tears that the white sheet isn’t over Yibo’s face.

He runs over, calling out Yibo’s name. Naturally, the person in the stretcher doesn’t react. He hurriedly asks the doctor who’s just come out of the room about the surgery.

The doctor takes off his mask and stands there, asking Xiao Zhan what’s wrong. What’s he crying for? Xiao Zhan is still wearing that green uniform, dark from sweat. He rubs his eyes with his arm and says that it’s his friend. The doctor pats his shoulder, saying everything’s fine. The bullet didn’t hit the heart, just grazed it. He’s lucky and was saved.

Xiao Zhan finds a bench in the hall and sits down. He rubs his face, but more tears flow out of his eyes. He hasn’t cried like this in a long time. He’s witnessed life and death for two years in the hospital and understands just how easy death is. But even though he’s fearfully thought of this problem since he learned about what Yibo’s doing, he’s never been forced so close to this terror before.

He fell for Wang Yibo in that shabby and damp dorm. At that time, Yibo smelled like the river that he’s known since childhood. He sat in the water illuminated by the setting sun, shaking his hair, and hugged him with his lean frame. Xiao Zhan loved to touch Wang Yibo’s skin greedily and the bones that stuck out because he was so thin. They were like all high schoolers in love. Perhaps they had to worry about how to come out of the closet and face their parents in the future—not how to face death.

How did they reach today’s situation step by step?

His tears slide down his nose and drip to the smooth tiled floor. He wrings his fingers hard and the tips turn white.

He can’t breathe anymore.

In the ICU, Wang Yibo still hasn’t woken up. Xiao Zhan keeps visiting and it’s not easier to breathe until Yibo gets transferred to the regular ward.

A few people visit during this time. They glance at him, say some words to the director, and hurry away. Xiao Zhan sees the man who came for a checkup last time. Seeing Xiao Zhan wave, the man nods. He doesn’t say much—just asks him to take care of Wang Yibo during this time.

Xiao Zhan practically lives in the hospital. After work, he sits in Yibo’s room, reading a book, drinking tea, or playing on his phone. A few days later, Yibo’s mom comes. She cries as soon as she sees Yibo and pulls on Xiao Zhan’s hand, begging him to cure Yibo. But she’s also worried that Xiao Zhan’s work will be disturbed, so she keeps telling to go work. She can stay here and take care of Yibo.

Xiao Zhan collects his stuff and goes out but has nowhere to go. He’s already off work, but he doesn’t actually want to leave either.

Yibo lies in bed for another week. Xiao Zhan doesn’t know when he’ll wake up either. When his mom goes home, Xiao Zhan comes to guard him, pulling aside the curtains so he can get some sun. They’re the only two in the room. Sometimes, he plays with Yibo’s fingers. His nails have grown a bit long already. Back then, they’re always bitten to stubs. He asks Yibo when he plans on sleeping until and asks if he’d be lying here if they didn’t break up back then and he had dragged him to university together.

He doesn’t know the answer, but thankfully, all of this is over now.

Yibo’s cheeks are ruddier than a few days ago. Xiao Zhan reaches over and pinches them. He could squeeze a ball of baby fat before, but these days, he can only lift a thin layer. He’s a bit too thin.

Xiao Zhan squints at the sun outside and says, “When you wake up, I’ll take you to eat something good and fatten you up.”

He sits with a leg propped up and opens up a book. He has to take an exam for a license in the second half of the year and has to take care of Yibo and help regain his health—he’s so busy.

Opening his thermos, he blows at the leaves floating up top. The tea inside is still steaming, so he can only take small sips, but he still burns his tongue. He furrows his brows and makes a face.

“Wanna drink Zhan-ge’s green tea.”

He hears a faint voice and his head shoots up. Yibo is looking at him with squinted eyes, face turned to the side. When Xiao Zhan stands up, he knocks over the book in his lap and doesn’t even put the lid back on his thermos. Yibo reaches a hand out of the covers and grabs his fingers. Xiao Zhan clenches his jaw and takes a few deep breaths. Lowering himself, he hugs Yibo’s head and murmurs in his ears, _You’re finally awake._

Yibo recovers well. As before, not many people come to visit him in the hospital. Only that officer comes, sometimes bringing a few men and carrying cases of fruits and nutrients. They always lock the door and chat with him for hours.

This goes on for half a month. Yibo doesn’t need to sit in bed anymore and Xiao Zhan often sees him strolling down the hall in his patient gown. Sometimes, he even strolls down to Xiao Zhan’s office and sits behind the curtains to flip through the books on his table. When Xiao Zhan comes back, he reaches out from behind like a ghost and pulls on Xiao Zhan’s white coat to drag him over. Xiao Zhan doesn’t even dare to touch him, let alone push him. He can only hold onto the metal bed frame that seems easily dismantled and kiss Yibo a few times, then wait for a nurse to angrily drive Yibo away.

The day that Yibo gets discharged, Xiao Zhan takes leave from work. He goes over in the morning and Yibo has already packed up his stuff and is sitting on the bed, gaming on his phone. He has Xiao Zhan come over. He pulls a red string out of his pocket and puts it on for Xiao Zhan.

Xiao Zhan can tell that this is the one he gave Yibo long ago—it’s practically ancient now. While tying it around his wrist, Yibo says that this thing really works.

“Wear it from now on. Don’t take it off.”

“Then what about you?” Xiao Zhan asks him.

“I don’t need it anymore.”

Xiao Zhan drives Yibo home. The police department arranged a house for Yibo—it’s far from the city and, from the bedroom window, they can see the dirt-yellow river in the distance, glittering under the sun.

He lifts his wrist and shakes it. The red string has become frayed. It’s stayed on his wrist for three or four years, then stayed on Yibo’s wrist for a decade. Now, it’s come back to his wrist in one piece. It truly does seem to work.

Yibo changes clothes and tosses them to the side. Sitting on the bed, he scoots bit by bit to Xiao Zhan’s side. He rests against Xiao Zhan’s back and asks if he wants to move in.

It’s a bit far from the hospital, but Xiao Zhan still agrees. This day will come sooner or later, anyway.

They decide to visit the county one day. Those things that haunt their minds need to be ended too. It’s also where Yibo grew up and the first time he included a sun in his drawing. Yibo can give him a ride there on a motorcycle, going back on the highway along the river, no matter if it’s day or night. They’ve grown up already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are 3 more extras (1st pov from xizi, liuliu and yibo), but translating them won't be my priority. maybe you'll forget about this fic and suddenly get a surprise update LOL
> 
> anyway, i only translate fics that i absolutely love, so i'm *really happy that so many others love this fic as well! please leave some comments, thoughts, feelings etc. i can translate and show them to the original author~
> 
> regarding translations, i try to keep it as accurate as possible and preserving the author's style (and unique feeling of chinese fics) but also make it read smoothly/naturally in english. i do change up some descriptions and words (especially in smut scenes lmao), so i would appreciate comments about my translation as well.
> 
> thank you for joining this ride with me! i'm not the best at replying to comments, but do know that i check my inbox obsessively and get very excited when i read them hahaha
> 
> you can talk to me on twitter too! [@fefedove](https://twitter.com/fefedove)


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